10 Ways to keep your wife on her toes

If you’re reading The Family Alpha then you are probably in a relationship with a woman who is either your wife or Long Term Relationship (which I view to be over 1 year) girlfriend.

When it comes to daily interactions with the same person the possibility of complacency is amplified. This is simply human nature, the more you’re exposed to a stress the more you adapt to it, ultimately becoming almost completely desensitized (i.e numb to it).

I was surfing on Reddit and I came across a comment that put the mental gears in motion. One of the users on The Red Pill subreddit said, “However loyal, faithful, and dependable you may have been — I have no doubt you were a great father and provider – but after 19 years of daily companionship, your attention is valueless to her.

This sent my mind down the rabbit hole. I’ve been with my wife since we were 16, I’m 28 now. We’ve been together for 12 years and have been married for 7 of them. How is it that I am having porn star sex daily, getting unsolicited blowjobs, and still having fun with my wife?

I went through the actions I’ve taken to keep her on her toes and am going to share them here with the hope that some of these actions may be applicable to your situation. Keep in mind, all I’m providing you is my perspective and approach to achieving and maintaining what I view to be a “successful” marriage.

I broke the actions into the 10 main steps I’ve taken and I encourage any and every man who comes across this blog to share what you do to keep your wife’s Fire of Tingles (aka Attraction) from going out.

Before I share my 10 actions and let you see inside the world of Hunter Drew’s marriage, I want to reiterate something to you: Women do not love you the way you love them.

You may be content with your lady just the way she is all the way until death comes knocking on your door. She doesn’t feel the same.

You must understand that it is squarely on your shoulders, as the man, to keep the relationship going.

As men we are the more romantic of the sexes and it only makes sense that the burden of keeping the Tingles (it sounds gay, but you know what I’m talking about, getting the juices flowing, her heart pounding, her hands unconsciously touching herself) alive lands on our shoulders. Do not be discouraged by this, women are simply acting in accordance with their nature.

As masculine men we must embrace the challenge and find comfort in the discomfort of knowing society is against us and our success.

Fortunately, we don’t give a single fuck and we will act in the manner that men act.

Whether that’s viewed as acceptable or not, again we do not care. Our successful marriage will speak for itself, fuck the approval from the majority.

This list is something you can take and apply today in your marriage. I hope others contribute so we have a thread of ideas that will keep marriages from getting stagnant for years to come.

As with all of my writing, keep what you think will work, disregard the rest.

1. Sex Outside The Bedroom

Break the pattern, 'make love' OUTSIDE the bedroom

Break the pattern, ‘make love’ outside the bedroom

One of the biggest ‘routines’ that couples find themselves in is only having sex in the bedroom and at night.

You are adults; you no longer have to sneak around your parent’s house to fuck. You are (probably) living in your own place, so claim it all. Fuck in every room, on every piece of furniture, at every point of the day.

Kids are napping? Fuck on the couch.

Kids are watching a show? Sneak downstairs to get a blowjob.

Wife is doing dishes? Pick her up, carry her to the garage, pin her to a wall, and make out with her hard and fast; then leave and go sit somewhere with a book. She’ll be in the garage dripping wet wondering what in the actual fuck just happened to her.

The reasoning behind this action is twofold.

Not only are you breaking routine by fucking in a ‘foreign’ place, but you’re also making new sexy inside jokes & memories with your lady.

For Example: When you have company over and someone asks if the table they are leaning against is sturdy, you and your wife will flash back and smile to the time you were railing her on that exact table. You can then give a confident yes, let others see the smile you two sneak to each other, let them wonder what that moment was all about.

Whenever you’re in any room or looking at a piece of furniture in your house, it will have a story.

(Make sure you clean up after yourself)

2. Surprise Vacations

Explore our beautiful country, go somewhere you've never been. Instead of buying another 'thing' - give her an experience.

Explore your country, go somewhere you’ve never been. Instead of buying another ‘thing‘ create an experience.

The routine of:

  • wake up
  • go to work
  • come home
  • “relax”
  • weekend – time to “relax” again
  • start it all over

is all too common in our day and age.

People get stuck in these loops and I fucking hate loops. In the Navy I called it, ‘Redundancy without Progress’ and in the military there is quite a bit of that, but I digress…

To break the loop in my own life I had saved some cash specifically for a trip, I didn’t tell the wife anything. On a weekend where I knew we had nothing going on I booked us a room at the Great Wolf Lodge which is a hotel that is geared towards kids (families – waterpark, arcade, interactive stuff, etc.).

I messaged my wife and told her that when she got out of work (this was Friday) that she needed to pack our stuff for 3 days and be sure to include bathing suits and that we would be spending our weekend at the Lodge.

She responded with, “Well what about the cat & dog?” (I’d handled it) “& Money” (I’d handled it) “This is short notice”(I told her that I’ve given her instructions as to what I wanted done and that when I got home she needed the gear packed, kids ready to go, and everyone standing by).

I got home and she had them ready (my wife is awesome). The trip was awesome and she kept ranting and raving about how excited she was and that it was an amazing adventure and yes, the sex was awesome the entire time.

(Follow your woman’s behavior, not her words)

The key point to this trip was that I fully researched what I was trying to do. I knew the work schedule, or plans, school schedule, etc. Make sure you’ve gathered all intel before trying to commence an operation of this magnitude.

3. Removing ‘Vanilla’ Sex

Sex should be fun and free from any taboo, open up to each other - be honest and share what it is you 'really' want.

Sex should be fun and free from taboo, open up to each other. Be honest and share what it is you ‘really‘ want.

There is a time and place for the average, normal, standard missionary position.

That time is not every time.

You need to ensure your sex life and bedroom is your fucking play place (literally). I advise that you turn sex with your wife into something that would come from a Lewis Carroll Novel; go down the rabbit hole brother.

Yesterday I bought a bunch of those glow sticks that are necklaces. We were at Dollar Tree when I saw them and an entire fantasy filled my mind. Without telling anyone why, I put them into the cart.

Fast forward and it’s getting dark outside so I let the kids crack a few of them and run around the yard. After a while the kids get put to bed and I tell my wife to go to the bedroom, get undressed, and to meet me in the shower.

I cracked the rest of the glow sticks and hung them from everywhere inside the shower.

I did this like Clark Kent changing into Superman, it took some skill and focus but I nailed it and had it glowing like a nuclear reactor within 2 minutes. I had glow sticks around the shower head, the water knob, and the bar that holds the shower curtain. I even threw a few on the ground, just because.

When she came in it was game on.

After a while I got out, dried off and took a few of the glow sticks with me. She was drying off and I then staged them in our bedroom. I had them hooked to the fan, bedposts – everywhere. Sex was had again and she said at one point she, “Didn’t know which way was up” – it was awesome.

Mixing up your sex life can be done any way you’d like. I recently got some white rope, new white boxer briefs (fancy), installed black lights in our room and we had a great night together. The point is, you can create the slut if you create the environment that promotes slut behavior.

(Sex is supposed to be enjoyed, have fun with it)

4. Be Mysterious

Be mysterious, don't ever let her become 'used' to who you are and what you are going to do.

Be mysterious, don’t ever let her become ‘used’ to who you are and what you are going to do

Guys on the Married Red Pill subreddit often give the suggestion of just getting out of the house and doing something alone when dealing with certain situations.. I think some men think it is this complex Rubik’s cube of advice being given to them. They think I thought I was always supposed to be around, always giving attention and ‘being there’ for my wife…

Let’s clear it up now.

Gentemen, when another Man says something, obviously think it over as to whether it is good or bad advice. If the person giving the advice has proven their worth, just fucking listen and don’t become some fucking scientist looking for all of the hows and whys, just follow the advice.

Women Talk, Men Do.

Let the women ponder all of the ramifications, you can just do. So don’t over think it like a woman – “do what? Go Where? Do I tell her? Etc….”

I will just leave and do anything randomly. The kids go to bed or some other opportunity where you know you aren’t needed, it should go something that ‘roughly’ follows this outline:

Man: “Hey babe, I’m heading out, I’ll be back in like an hour.”

Woman: “Where are you going?”

Man: “Out/Who knows/I’ll figure it out when I get there/To Slay Dragons/To pick up a hooker/take photos/write somewhere/etc……….”

Woman: “Hamster/Hamster/Hamster/Hamster”

It doesn’t matter if you fucking drive to the closest parking lot and read a book or you go to the bar or you get a hotel room and call an escort, you do whatever you need to do to ensure that you’re making time for you. It’s healthy and it allows your wife time to miss you. A cocept I came across while reading a post over at The Red Pill Room run by Ian Ironwood.

Your wife needs to miss you and more importantly you need to have an aspect to who you are as a Man that she is not involved in. If she isn’t involved and you aren’t spewing your life to her daily, then there is an element to you that she doesn’t know, and that is a good thing.

(Mystery fosters the growth of tingles – it makes you UNpredictable )

5. Being Romantic.

Masculine love is genuine, free from covert contracts.

Masculine love is genuine, free from covert contracts.

As Men, we are the Romantics. If I ever text her ‘I Love You’ I always capitalize the word ‘Love’, I go out of my way to make the ‘little things’ line up for her, and a whole host of other small deeds. It will be dependent on the Man, but remind yourself that you’re doing these little things for you not her. She is a woman and won’t see your actions the way you do.

She’ll appreciate them, but it won’t hit as deep as it does in your heart. That’s fine, she’s a woman and you’re doing it because you find joy in doing romantic shit. Own It and don’t make any covert contracts – it’s not a this for that transaction. Just embrace your natural programming to being a Romantic Masculine Male.

(You’re a romantic to your core, whether you’re aware or not)

6. Goal Setting/Leading

Every member of your family plays a role to achieving the end goal of optimal living, place your pieces wisely.

Every member of your family plays a role to achieving the end goal of optimal living, place your pieces wisely.

You are the Family Alpha, the leader of your clan. How are they supposed to flourish under your guidance if you are unwilling to set aside time for their development?

My wife is a PreSchool teacher; she’s very organized and has a solid understanding of Early Childhood Development and dealing with special attention kids (as well as their parents). What she lacks is the ability to set goals for herself and take actions towards those goals.

She says she wants to weigh a certain weight, run a certain time, and achieve a certain life goal. But when I ask how she is making progress towards those goals, her plan consists of aimless actions (See: Redundancy without progress).

I sat my wife down and together we grabbed a notebook and individually wrote down what our short term goals were. One of hers is to write a children’s book. So we’ll use that as an example, I then had to create a rough timeline/map towards her achieving that.

Now, she’s well on her way.

Your wife needs YOU to help her stay on the straight and narrow. If she is stagnant, don’t come to The Family Alpha or The Married Red Pill saying “my wife is unmotivated, sedentary, etc.” Because that’s your fault for not motivating her and if she doesn’t give a shit and has no passion for life, what value is she bringing to yours? You can create a woman who brings value y being a man worthy of value. Remember, your wife is your best mirror . S why not dedicate the time to helping her and the rest of your clan get to here you want them (and they need) to be?

Because it’s easier? Fuck that, step up to the plate (you are reclaiming your masculinity, right?) make it happen.

This isn’t just your wife. Are you putting the necessary time in with your kids as well? Your entire family is operating under your guidance. Set the time aside to mentor, assist, and guide them all. Definitely make sure you’re taking the time to read to your kids.

(Your family needs a Leader, they need a Family Alpha)

7. Educate Her

You have to lead your family to the heights you want to achieve

You have to lead your family to the heights you want to achieve

I believe that as masculine Men we are all Walking Out Path Alone. What I say will & won’t work is based solely off of my own experience.

I’m not guessing, these things have worked and I have used them in real life with my wife. Your Mileage May Vary, especially when it comes to discussing psychology, male/female dynamics, etc.

I wrote a post a while back on the Married Red Pill subreddit about how my wife had told me straight up that she wanted to be a submissive women and that she had been reading about Dominant/submissive relationships. I told her I thought that this was the type of relationship we had going – she said it is, but that she wanted to tell me that she’s always wanted to be a submissive woman and be told what to do and that she feels that is somehow wrong.

(modern day feminism, fuck you)

I have always taken the Dominant role in the relationship. Never saying, “I don’t know” always taking point and leading the family to where we needed to be. I’ve used the word Dominant to her and on the reddit forums, but I realized that she’s never spoken the title ‘Submissive’. She hadn’t owned it and I hadn’t recognized that – a failure on my part.

It was then that a few things clicked and while she was crying – like a son who had come out of the closet as gay to his dad, I knew I had an opportunity at a critical moment to make a lasting impact.

I explained how all of the modern day feminists had warped the word submissive, how all of the SJWs who make being a domestic wife a bad thing are fucking wrong and I clarified to her that her biology as a woman makes her more submissive where mine as a Man makes me more dominant. I knew that she was simply at the point where she wanted to be open about the dynamic of our relationship.

Your woman may not understand why you are making the life improving changes that you’re implementing. Share some of it with her. You don’t have to bring her into the ‘Manosphere’ but you certainly can educate her on why you’re eating better, lifting more, reading more, and fucking more.

Don’t let it just be the ‘new you’ let her understand that you’re raising your standard and tell her that never again will she be forced to assume the leadership role of your clan. Or as was my case, let her know that you recognize and appreciate her feminine beauty and that her ability to be both submissive yet lead her areas of life as the chick in charge makes you proud.

Women do not want to wear the pants and when your weaksauce behavior forces them to, it builds resentment. You may even want to explain that aspect so she understands why she feels angry towards you.

This is entirely dependent on your woman, but explaining these things made my wife not feel so alone – like she was the only woman to have these feelings. It allowed her to embrace her submissiveness towards me and not make her feel ashamed when she says, “I follow my husband’s lead, I trust Hunter Drew to make the right call for our family” and now, she finally owns it – it’s sort of become our thing.

You have to understand your wife and how her hamster works. It’s only then that you can make the call on what knowledge would make her better understand the path you’re leading your clan down.

(Be Dominant, NOT Domineering)

8. Text Game

Text game is difficult, but it CAN be done.

Text game is difficult, but it CAN be done.

A lot of guys in the Manosphere recommend you keep texts to logistics only. For 90% of the guys, I agree. For those who know how to use texts as a sort of IV drip of arousal through the day ’till you see her in person, I think texts have their place.

For example, one morning I fucked my wife. It was some nice hard sex followed by a shower then off to work.

A few hours into the day I was rock hard daydreaming about the sex we had. So I went to the bathroom and took a dick pic and sent it to my wife telling her “apparently I didn’t get enough this morning.”

Her response was, “It looks as hard as granite, I love when you’re that hard inside me, I feel it spread me wide.” Then I went radio silent, 15-20 minutes later she sends me a text saying how wet she is, 5 minutes after that she sends a pic of her tits, 1 minute later I get a message about if I like them, etc.

My text elicited the response that sent her down the rabbit hole all day, solid sex was had when I got home.

If you do it right and don’t come across as needy or creepy, you can use text and pics to set the stage. Do not rely solely on texts as you still have to game & kino in person, though you can certainly use them as accessories to your arsenal of sex inducing weapons that are employed to reach your end goal.

(You don’t have to answer every email and text from your lady, you do know that right?)

9. Fuck With Her

I make my wife laugh often and at the most inappropriate times (she's had to apologize at funerals - true story.)

I make my wife laugh often and at the most inappropriate times (she’s had to apologize at funerals – true story.)

I fuck with my wife constantly. You know the whole, Pick on the girls at the playground concept? I do that and I have since we were together – keeps shit fresh.

Why do I do it? Because it fucking works and I am honestly enjoying life and my marriage.

Talking shit, pulling pranks, just straight fucking with your wife in a tactful way leads to a solid and healthy relationship. I would never pull the chair out from under her as that would make her look stupid in front of everyone or she’d break her ass. But I would replace her incense with a sparkler. (House went up like it was the 4th of July)

I’ll hide shit, put things where she can’t reach them, refuse to give a direct answer or give an overly complicated answer to any questions that she should know.

There is a fine line between being a mischievous Man and being a Dick. Be mischievous in your dealings and always have her looking over her shoulder. It can also be sexual, in fact it should be sexual.

Example: We were having a barbecue and I saw my wife go inside to get something. I snuck in, pulled her to the bathroom, fingered her to just before she came, then I hopped out of the bathroom and heard her yell about how big of an asshole I was. The rest of the party she was giving me the ‘angry eyes’ with a head shake showing she was pissed, she came hard that night

(She’s your woman, not your mom – she wants to have fun. So have fun and fuck with your wife)

10. Refuse to Lower the Standard From Which Excellence is Measured

Heavy is the head that wears the crown, good thing you've got some strong fucking traps

Heavy is the head that wears the crown, good thing you’ve got some strong fucking traps

You set the bar Gentlemen – let that truly set in. YOU set the standard.

You set the bar from which your wife will judge other Men and you set the bar from which your family will perform to. If you are out lifting and improving yourself, then your family should reflect that.

If you are doing all of the steps provided, then your wife should be so busy trying to keep up with your next move that she doesn’t need the ‘newness’ of another Man – Chad doesn’t have shit on the husband who owns his shit.

It’s on you.

I have shared some insight into how I’ve kept my wife leaking and craving my dick for the past 7 years of our Marriage and the 5 years prior to that. I hope to get some ideas from you to help me keep it fresh.

As of right now this post is roughly 3,000 words. That’s irrelevant as I could write a novel. If we do not apply what we read and write, then it’s useless.


Acta – Non Verba,

I write for free, but if you feel the need to compensate for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life – I’d be most humbled and appreciative.


25 thoughts on “10 Ways to keep your wife on her toes

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  2. May I just say what a comfort to uncover a person that truly knows what
    they’re discussing over the internet. You certainly realize how to
    bring a problem to light and make it important. A lot more people
    really need to look at this and understand this side of your story.
    I was surprised that you are not more popular since you certainly have the gift.

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  5. I wish I would’ve read this a long time ago. I got complacent in my LTR, although a lot of the issues were out of my control( her family) I let the pressure get to me. Anyhow, I will bookmark this and read it over and over. I’ve been reading a lot of RP. And I’m much more a traditional family man, and this advice you give on here needs to be read by all men wanting to lead their families. Looking forward to reading more things.

  6. Outstanding information here, this is a must read for any man that’s married or in an LTR.

    This: “Women do NOT Love you the way you love them. You may be content with your lady just the way she is all the way until death comes knocking on your door — She won’t. You must understand that it is squarely on your shoulders, as the man, to keep the relationship going…” One of the most important concepts to grasp. It took me a very long time to embrace it. Men really do crave comfort on some level. see https://therationalmale.com/2014/09/23/the-burden-of-performance/

    I turned the corner when I reframed it from a burden (“I have to do this”) to something I look forward to (“I get to do this!”). It’s included everything from going to unusual movies to taking her to places(our local zoo was one) that she’s never been to.

    Also can’t overstate the “be mysterious” bullet. When I’m busy, I generally see my GF about once a week, which really makes it better when we get together.

    Like most men, the things that are the most “I get to do this!” are all things sexual. I encouraged all men to continue to push the envelope in this area, push it oh so gently if you need to, as long as you push it. I’m planning on going to a swingers club with my GF soon, (no playing with others, though, just watch and maybe that’s all). It’s something that’s making me nervous, no doubt, but also excited, and I know my GF feels the same. It doesn’t have to literally be that, just anything that can elicit that feeling: sexual excitement, but not something so out there that it causes real fear/feeling of safety loss.

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  8. This is solid gold. This whole thing is solid. Fucking. Gold.

    I’ve been banging my head against the wall trying to work out what I can do to help my wife. She is completely sedentary, and I’m self employed so her being lazy has a negative impact on me, but I don’t know how to motivate her.

    You clicked so much in place for me with this. I don’t motivate her, do I? I motivate me, and then lead her.

    I’m going to sit down with her tonight, and set some fucking goals.

    Cheers, bro.

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  13. One of the best articles on marriage out there. Mixed up point one and two a couple days ago and it worked like a charm

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  16. Very glad I happened across this article, I think this is exactly what I need. I’d like to stay in contact with you so I can keep you filled in on my progress if you don’t care.

  17. I’ve read a lot of content online about this type of stuff and nothing comes close to this. You not only talk about what works, you explain why and what the natural instinct is. And this is shit I can DO, not like all those other sites that make you enter an email or type your shit up and then say buy my overpriced book!

    Thanks, I’m pumped.

  18. As a woman I feel such relief after reading this. I had to actively search for it…I wasn’t sure what I was looking for but I sure found it. FINALLY, in words…there it is…that’s what’s missing from my life! And so many other articles from this site..mind blowing. I have tried hinting these wants and needs to my husband… finally I just straight up asked him to read this…he is supposed to let me know…if he isn’t interested in trying to have this type of dynamic then I need to know…it’s been years of trying different things to see what’s been the problem. Honestly I was the problem…I over stepped and argued for years and he was standoffish , cold and neutral in EVERYTHING. and now we are where we are… separated…hoping he will forgive me for beating him down all these years and he will see he is the type of man I need..he just forgot… and I’m trying everything to be the woman he wants.

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