As family men we have to fill every role our wife needs from a man. We also must do this while retaining our identity as a masculine male. Often times men become complacent(I’ve got a wife why do I need to try anymore) or they start to think that their woman will think and act like a man(she won’t) so instead of working to raise their performance, they pretend that there isn’t a necessity to ‘play the game’.
A guy who is single can date and have sex with a multitude of women and be the same guy to each one of them. Because they see him so infrequently (maybe only once) so his demeanor is new to them. He can use the same technique with his tongue, the same moves when fucking, and the same story to get them into his house.
Every one of them will view him as something fresh.
Us married men do not have this luxury. Our moves must always be progressing, our sex must always be improving, and our dirty talk must constantly evolve so we do not become stagnant.
That’s one of the reasons that marriage is viewed as The Red Pill on Hard Mode.
Our women know most of our secrets, have seen us at our worst, and can become used to our game. We cannot take our foot off the gas like a single dude can, and that’s ok as we will carry the burden of performance without complaint.
The worst thing you can do to women is bore them. If you’re boring she will find some other thrill and too often that thrill comes from the attention of another man.
The same is true with who you are as a man and the role you play in her life. I am 31 and grew up hearing the 90’s boy bands. Each one was a clone of the other.
If you look at N’ Sync, The Backstreet Boys, and 98 Degrees you’ll see that they are cookie cut ‘types’ of men that were selected to maximize audience attendance (thus profits). Who did you see filling the seats? Who are companies focusing their marketing attention on? Who gave a shit about the different personalities of the guys?
Each band had the sad guy, the hot guy, the sensitive guy, the funny guy, and the tough guy.
You have to fill these exact roles for your wife. You need to be caveman, romantic, intelligent, and spontaneous all at once or more accurately at the right times. You cannot allow your relationship to stagnate because you’re so focused on being comfortable and expecting your wife to just “Love you the way you are”.
Don’t pigeonhole yourself into thinking that you are only one type of guy.
Push the boundaries of what you think you can do and who you really are. Show her you’re a beast by working out, enforcing boundaries, and leading your family with infinite reserve of self-confidence. Show her you have emotions by being soft with your kids, picking her up and telling her that she’s your girl, and showing passion when you talk about a subject that is dear to you. Don’t go and cry over frivolous matters which mean nothing in the scheme of things, but rather topics which you actually care for.
For example, I hate obese kids. I don’t hate them I hate that their parents are pitiful and weak. It is entirely preventable and when I get on the subject I will make you listen to me and you will hear what I have to say because I become passionate and you hear that through my voice.
Too many men are just whatever about everything.
I’m always looking to challenge myself, one of those challenges came when I surprised my wife with a date night. She had no idea that I had planned an entire night around a ‘Paint Night’ that a local pub was putting on.
I have always told myself I hated the ‘Arts’. I am a builder, not so much a painter. To compound that fact when we showed up I was one of 2 dudes.
What did I do?
It’s more about what I refused to do, I didn’t play the role of doting husband along for the ride, I owned that place and guess what? We had a blast; I was getting looks from the buzzed middle aged women who were there with their ‘girls’ and my wife had an awesome time.
You have to solve the Rubik’s cube that is your wife’s mind and you should enjoy the process of clearing each line and getting the colors to match up.
I would have viewed painting as the gayest thing a man could do not too long ago. But, I let go of giving a shit what anyone else thought of anything I did and I just did what I thought would be fun and it was.
We need to embrace every aspect of Masculinity, too include the romantic side. You can be strong in every moment, even when you’re painting a canvas of a red tree on a mountain while drinking Merlot.
Stop being a ‘whatever’ dude and start giving a damn, life is too short not to.
Don’t avoid confrontation, embrace it and then burn your ship on the shore, refusing to ever go back to the man you were.
Your wife will appreciate that and in turn recognize the fact that she does have a quality man. One who fills every role she needs, one who plucks the chords of her heart, mind, and soul.
Until you take the reigns and own all of who you are as a man, she will look at you the way the world does, like a schmuck who can’t find a reason to care enough that he can take action.
You don’t have to go through this development of self alone, it’s the reason Craig and I created the Fraternity of Excellence. So we could get like minded men who were just trying to figure this thing called life out together.
Acta Non Verba,
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