Marriage is like most things in the world, it’s supposed to be simple; yet it is very complicated. Fixing a marriage seems very difficult, yet is quite simple. The problem with these preconceived notions as to what should be and what is can be found in the bias of the person who is looking to fix or maintain their marriage. This bias stems from a combination of the female imperative combined with a bombardment of hate that has been thrown at all things masculine.
Real World Scenario:
I had a guy come to me telling me he was doing everything right. He said he was making money, successful at work, and was there for his wife and kids. Before he could continue I said, “But you’re overweight, you haven’t had a steady sex life for months (or maybe years), and you view your wife to be an ungrateful bitch who simply cannot be pleased. Is this correct?”
There was silence, followed by a nod of affirmation.
Here is my advice for all the other men who are in this loop of redundancy without progress:
You cannot look at your marriage as a ‘whole’. You have to look at it is a sum of many different and often times overlapping parts. Think of it as a car, you may look at it and say “That’s a beautiful Ferrari”but what if you decided to look at the wheels, engine, interior, etc. All of the sudden it becomes more ‘beautiful’ because you can see the intricacies that were initially overlooked. You like the car morebecause of all of the parts that combined to create the ‘whole’.
Fixing your marriage is nothing more than restoring a car.
Your marriage is the same as the Ferrari, except in reverse. You look at it and think that it is just shit. A relationSHIT that you’ve wasted years trying to maintain and bring to life, a union that has brought nothing but misery and discontent. But, if you start to take it apart piece by piece you’ll be able to get it stripped down bare so that you can see the inner working and what makes the car (marriage) work. You can now clean and polish each of the parts, knowing that when you’re finished this sucker is going to run like a champ and that it’s going to operate exactly as you want it to because you are the one in control of its ‘rebirth’.
He told me that this made sense and we discussed dread, fitness, and all of the other blanket recommendations that are promoted in the Manosphere.
Then he told me how he lost his mind on his wife the night before and that even though he thought what I was saying made sense, it was too late because they will never see eye to eye.
The plot thickens
I believe every man knows what is worth fighting for. Even the most beta behavior displaying weaksauce piece of shit knows what he would and would not fight for. I asked the guy if he wanted to stay married or was he at the point of divorce, and whether or not his life would be better with or without his wife. Long winded story short – he wanted to stay married, but not like this…
So again, I laid some Family alpha wisdom on him.
He is not a Redditor and knows nothing of the blogs and ideas that are common in the Manosphere realm. I explained to him that when a married man wakes up from the cycle of pussified bullshit unmanly living and decides he is now ready to play the role he should have had the entire time, there is going to be conflict and ultimately a ‘main event’ where it comes to a head and the wife accepts that this is who her husband is and who he is going to be, whether or not she is onboard.
This is not the stage this guy was at. He had just had a victim puke session with his wife where he told her she didn’t respect him, etc.
What followed is something I hope sticks in his mind. It’s the idea that there is no true single moment in time where the outcome of the marriage is determined. (minus cheating/assault/big ticket shit like that) In your average shitty marriage there isn’t a main point that determines the outcome. One big argument is not going to bring you to the divorce court, nor is it going to place you atop the throne that is reserved for the Family Alpha.
It is the small, minute details and interactions that create the stage for a successful or disastrous performance. It is a beautiful thing when men write their successful posts on Married Red Pill, talking about how their wife looked them in eyes and said how glad she is that her man, “Isn’t a pussy and that she is unable to comprehend how she has such a solid man in her life.”
On the flip side it is gut wrenching to read a message from a man telling me how his wife told him he was, “pathetic & weak and that she has been cheating because he was a boring.”
Just like how the NFL is spending big money to show you that they are taking precautions concerning concussions, yet they won’t talk about how it is the many sub-concussive hits that are leading to suicides, depression, and other symptoms of repeated traumatic brain injuries. It’s all of these little hits that leave the ears ringing and the athlete a little disoriented that pile up to the disastrous end result. Do the big hits play a role? Of course they do! But, they aren’t the main cause and the NFL can’t admit that because then they’ll have to admit that there is no way around it.
The exact same goes for your marriage. It isn’t the big fights that lead to divorce or complete resentment between husband and wife. It’s the multiple little hits that wear away chip by chip.
Every time she asks what you want for dinner and you say ‘I don’t care or whatever YOU want.’ That’s another hit, another example of your failure to lead.
Every time she has to validate you because you run to her saying, ‘Look how great I did, are you proud of me, you my ONLY love, YOU are my mission in this life’ each time she plays the role of ‘Mommy’ to you it’s another hit. You got a pay raise, a degree, or reached sub 10% BF she does not care. If you are in a healthy marriage, then she will say how great all of that is, but expect a shit test immediately after. A woman’s solipsism is never ending and it runs deep. She doesn’t want to know how hard you worked for a bonus of to get a 6 pack; she just wants to enjoy the benefits for herself. Even if she doesappreciate your efforts, if you’re her clingy betafuck of a husband, she won’t give you the satisfaction of letting you know she appreciates it.
All of those little hits add up. The end result is she finds someone else who passes the shit tests and acts like a man. If you want to stay married then you need to break down your marriage into all of its constituents and begin to work on each one individually. The whole ‘only as strong as the weakest link’ concept applies.
You need to have a nice physique, a high level of social acumen, know when to push and pull with the Alpha/Beta behaviors, track her cycle, maintain some fashion sense, and follow your mission in life (which is not your wife).
We’ve discussed cars and concussions, but what matters is whether or not any of this is applied and makes sense to you.
Whatever analogy or metaphor you need to use to have it make sense to you, go with that one. All that matters is that you understand your marriage is not, just a marriage and your wife is not just a wife.
They are both deep beyond measure, yet simple when it comes to understand, like gravity. How does gravity work? It pulls things to the Earth.
How does marriage work? You play the masculine role and your wife plays the feminine, easy day.
I write for free, but if you feel the need to compensate for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life – I’d be most humbled and appreciative.