“You’re so predictable.”
This phrase is a death sentence in marriage.
A man who is living life according to his terms is a man whose wife cannot predict his every action. She may be able to predict that he will take the path of an authentic individual, overcoming obstacles rather than skirting them but she does not feel that he is a man that could be classified as always doing what is “expected”.
If you always order the same food, have sex the same way in the same location at the same time, give the same gifts, and speak in the same manner on the same subject, then you’re predictable and therefore you are boring.
It has been said time and again that the worst thing a husband can do is bore his wife.
Boredom is death, boredom is why women sit on their phones scrolling for hours, boredom leads to a wife looking elsewhere to feel something, boredom is the reason other men don’t have to be better than you, just different. I could understand being beaten by a better man; I could never come to terms with being beaten by someone who was just different than me. It just wouldn’t sit well and I’m sure that it doesn’t sit well with all of those predictable husbands whose wives went out and found that passion and intense feelings they were missing from that different man.
You need to mix it up, rarely will there only be one approach to an activity in life. Some days I will email her back and forth, other days I won’t respond to anything via email or text. There are times where I actively dread her when we are out and there are times where I have eyes for no person but her.
Have you ever gone to a party, bar, club, or event with your wife and literally ignored everyone, only engaging your wife and whispering in her ear the nasty things you’re thinking? Pulling her to a corner, brushing off the attempts to distract your attention by others, eyes locked in, hand exploring her body, making her feel as though the two of you are alone even though you’re surrounded by bodies?
Maybe the very next day or bar you go to you straight up disappear for some time, talking to the world, gaming and working kino on everyone, not even acknowledging your wife’s existence.
This roller coaster of emotion has kept my marriage from ever entering a deadbedroom situation and it’s been going for 12 years.
I have recently been doing a lot more video sessions and podcasts than I ever have before. This is a difficult balance as I have an 8 year old and 5 year old in the house and do not have a dedicated office.
I came home one day and she had built me an office in our basement. I never asked, she never said anything, she just did it.
This is what happens when you follow your mission and share your vision. Those around you, the people you lead, they want to support it.
My wife is complementary to my mission, she isn’t the mission itself.
If I was a boring man who did nothing but the same old thing day in and out, do you think she would go out of her way to support?
There wouldn’t be anything to support!
My wife recently decided to pursue her Real Estates license. I fully support it as the job she has now is just a job and she is looking for the next challenge. Well, she inspired me and because I have 4 months left on my VA benefits, I’m going to get my Real Estates license as well because, why not?
The point is, changing and being on the move is infectious. I inspire my wife, she inspires me, success begets success.
Side Note: Always challenge her to be better through consistently raising the standard from which you measure yourself.
Whether you are comfortable with whom you are or not, your wife is the one that needs the emotional stimulation and if you aren’t going to provide it by mixing it up, someone or something else will.
As an individual who is authentically you won’t be faced with this issue or I should say you shouldn’t be faced with it as lifting, dressing better, interacting with people, dread, leading, and living life on your terms prevents her from truly knowing what you’ll do next.
It’s the guys who are still following the script society has written for them that need to take note. Looking good naked isn’t the answer and neither is dread, it’s the combination of it all that keeps you from being the boring dude who tells that same joke at the party or does that same thing day in and day out.
This is not to be confused with family rituals.
I read to my kids every night, we go for “adventures” every weekend, etc there are rituals we do on a consistent basis, keep those as they are needed. I’m talking about you the husband, you need to keep your wife on her toes so that when she sees Chad walking down the street cat calling or whatever, she won’t view him as a chance to get away from her boring life because you as an unpredictable man, her life isn’t boring.
It’s up to you the Family Alpha to lead her to that point.
Acta Non Verba,
Be sure to follow Craig and I on Twitter for daily real time engagement:
You can also join Craig and I along with over 100 other men inside of the Fraternity of Excellence: