Your Mileage May Vary

Your relationship with your wife is as unique as a snowflake (unlike your wife)

Your relationship with your wife is as unique as a snowflake (unlike your wife)

Your Mileage May Vary, it is a phrase that I have seen often enough yet never has it been so profound than when I was forced to face the fact that men don’t seem to apply it to their women.

I read a comment recently on Reddit:

Don’t be tempted to look for problems that aren’t there. Don’t just go with the flow of “she’s a bitch” that you hear so often around here. Yes, AWALT, and yes, most of the men on here have shitty, entitled, shallow, western wives; we have a good cross section of culture here. But some are less shitty, entitled, and shallow than others. The phrase “YMMV” is the most understated one around these parts.” – Alphabeta49

Nobody else in the entire thread had mentioned it, I hadn’t thought it, and the original poster may not be aware that everything he is reading is anecdotal, biased, personal opinion, n=1 advice.

While I assumed every man is aware of this, I’ve learned the hard way never to assume anything and assuming was exactly what I was doing here and it definitely mae made feel like an ass.

After I read that quote from AlphaBeta49 I took my hands from the keyboard and sat back thinking, Fuck, he’s right, this guy has to remember that this is his life and the choice must be 100% his.

We all have a unique relationship with our women. Reading my blog or the other forums and blogs on the Manosphere will arm you with more information than you could have ever hoped for at any other point in history. We have everything we need at our finger tips. The issue I am seeing and am addressing in this piece is that you need to take that information and apply it to your specific situation

I have written about what works for my wife, what kind of environment I’ve fostered, and how I parent. None of this has been written for men to copy action for action and word for word.

I created all of this content without any template. There was no Manosphere when I was married. I didn’t have The Red Pill, no Rollo, or Illimitable Man it was just me knowing what I wanted and then working to get it.

That’s what I want you to recognize, you have to lay your own foundation and take the advice as a sort of recommendation and not a specific direction. Your wife is a beautiful, sexy, feminine creature until you recognize that and remove the ‘harpy, nagging bitch’ labels and resentments you’ve made you’re never going to understand what she is capable of.

Here are a few factors I want you to think about when you read relationship advice on the internet.

  • Your failed performance
  • Your wife’s history
  • Your mission in life
  • Personal Kinks
  • Responsibility

Your failed performance

One of the first things you need to factor in when working to get the most from online advice is assessing where you have failed to lead and to live a masculine life. It isn’t until you remove your ego and take a look at reality, a look at where you have screwed up and are continuing to screw up your life, marriage, and ability to pursue your mission as a man.

Only when you can see your shortcomings will you be able to overcome the damage you’ve done.

Basically, you need to stop digging down; dig up!

If you have failed to keep up your physique, hit the gym. This is actually one of the universal laws of The Red Pill as well as step #1 to taking ownership of your life and ‘self’, you must lift heavy weights. This is not just for the aesthetics either it’s for the confidence, discipline, destruction of instant gratification and development of appreciating long term commitment and hard work.

If you have failed to maintain your fashion sense (or you never had it) it’s time to develop your style. How you go about this is up to you. Find someone you respect and emulate their style until you find your own. Don’t copy anyone; we need voices, not echoes.

Two men I follow for fashion teachings are:

Tanner Guzy

Well Built Style

If you have failed to lead your woman and/or children, start inserting yourself into those decisions. If your wife asks, “What do you want for dinner?” Give an answer, give your honest answer and skip the ‘I don’t know/care’ routine, it’s weak and both your wife and all the masculine men you know are sick of it.

The same applies to your professional life, finances, and mission in this life start taking ownership of all of it.

Your wife’s history

If your wife was on the CC before you got to her, so be it.

At some point you didn’t care and put a ring on her finger. Don’t expect her to have sex with you the way she had sex with ‘them’.

You have to get over your ego and any resentment you hold over her past, she is your wife and if you want the best from your wife you’ve got to cater your message in a manner that will get her on board and supporting your growth and decision to take charge of your clan.

If you screw this step up and take the approach of ‘I’m the man and I am in charge’ after being a weaksauce dude for x many years you are going to have a woman who is going to fight you tooth and nail because she does not respect you, she does not agree with/understand your vision, and ultimately she does not trust you to be able to handle the role of the Family Alpha, Leader, King, etc.

She’ll view you to be a weak bitch she resents and she will continue to view you this way until you go back to your role as beta provider or your marriage ends.

How do you most effectively and efficiently reclaim your role as the leader of your family? You gradually, with your wife, go over your vision and game plan for your clan.

You let her know that you recognize that you were a pussy and that you are done being that type of man. It doesn’t have to be some sort of ‘Coming to Christ’ moment with all sorts of dramatic one liners and shit, just let her know that you see what is going on and that you are going to fix it.

Let her know what your goals are for your ‘self’, the finances, the direction the family is headed. Make her a part of your team, boost her ego if you need to in order to get her on board. You can say you’re glad she was able to step up when you lost your way and that you’ll ‘reward’ her behavior by giving her a husband all the other ladies are drooling over.

Make it fun, make it a ‘team operation’ and most importantly, make sure you are playing towards the history you have with your wife. You know what she likes and what she hates, cater the message and your vision to accommodate those things. Don’t be afraid to make her angry, but if she has always had a hard time with finances, don’t go in guns blazing telling her it’s her fault the finances are fucked, because all of the failures are yours.

Remind yourself of that when you want to rage at her or your kids, they are who they are because you failed to lead them and make them better.

Kill the ego.

Your Mission in life

Your wife cannot be your mission in life, neither can your kids, your family, or your friends. You are the only one you will spend your entire life with. You are the only one you can count on, no matter what; and you are the deciding factor on how much you get from this life.

When we say, YMMV that includes when we discuss following our mission.

I could tell someone that they could sacrifice sleep to achieve their goals. To me, that means sleeping 4 hours a night in order to reach deadlines, for someone else, that may not be enough. Instead of writing to me telling me I’m going to ‘lose my gains, crash my car, be unproductive & not mentally capable of writing’ (real messages I’ve received) you could just cater the message to your own situation. Instead of aiming for my four hours, figure out your own means of better managing your time.

How far you get on this road of life is entirely up to you.

How far you get on this road of life is entirely up to you.

Just because others were able to lift, read, and write at the same time you may not be able to do that, so slow down and take the smaller, yet permanent steps. If you can only read 20 pages a night, so be it. This is your mission, walk your path. If you aren’t into lifting weights or men’s fashion, then cater the goals to what your mission is.

Maybe you want a ‘climber’s body’, or maybe you want to be a painter, or maybe you don’t give the slightest of fucks about fashion.

You Do You

Remember that you need to cater the message, not ignore it.

You have to care about your physique and you have to care about your clothes. The world judges you on your looks and so does your wife. You don’t need designer labels, you just need a functional wardrobe that has ‘purpose’. If you are wearing shitty graphic T’s and sweatpants, what message is that sending?

Each piece of clothing should have purpose in the same manner that every lift should be done with purpose.

What is your purpose in life? What is your mission?

Personal Kinks

I’m not going to beat around the bush on this one. There seems to be two benchmarks from which ‘success’ is measured when discussing sex in marriage.

Blowjobs and Anal.

You need to understand something right now Your kink is for you.

If your wife never gave you blowjobs or anal prior to you reclaiming you authentic life, there is no guarantee that she will after. Some women have shitty gag reflexes, others think anal is disgusting or that their ass is an exit only whatever the reasoning is, your kink may not be the same as your wife’s and vice versa.

While fantasies may differ, a sexually active relationship is a win for everyone.

While fantasies may differ, a sexually active relationship is a win for everyone.

Recently I spoke with a guy who was having a hard time after his wife told him that she wanted a MMF threesome. He was distraught, emasculated, and paranoid thinking his wife wanted some other man.

I told him that if he were to judge his wife or make her feel embarrassed, then she will never share her inner most ‘self’ with him again. I recommended he read my post Creating Your Slut and to recognize that it was on him to own everything about his wife, to include her kinky nature.

I did not recommend he have the MMF as there is no fucking way I’d let any man touch my wife, but I told him to know that she has fantasized and found him to be ‘man’ enough to handle that information. He messaged me after saying that he implemented a few ideas from my post 10 ways to keep your wife on her toes and he was able to grow his relationship sexually with his wife: win-win.

Responsibility

It is 100% your responsibility to figure out your mileage.

Cater everything you read to your situation and know those whom you lead. Know your wife and use that knowledge to your advantage. TheRedPill is accurate, it ‘works’, and the application is universal. The RedPill doesn’t fail, you do; it’s your poor application that leads to your poor results. If you want to get the most from your journey to authentically masculine living, you must be a voice, not an echo you must cater the message to fit the people you are dealing with.

Acta Non Verba,

Hunter Drew

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7 thoughts on “Your Mileage May Vary

  1. Pingback: 10 Ways to keep your wife on her toes | TheFamilyAlpha

  2. I am really glad I wandered onto your blog and although I am a woman reading this I find your articles highly valuable. My husband is an Alpha in the making. He was raised by a very Alpha father who taught him what manhood should look like and I see remnants of it in our marriage. He’s very much a leader when it comes to resolving a problem, works very hard and takes risks that improves himself financially, takes care of body and is often confident, and (gently) puts me in my place when I have my moments (which I believe you refer to as “shit test”?). My only concern is that before we met he’d temporarily moved his mother and sister into his place (His mother was bed ridden with cancer and had recently separated from his father) and cared for her for three years, and although she can be very sweet I feel like she totally wrap his mind by trashing his father every chance she got.

    Apparently their relationship became cold when she began starfishing immediately following the honeymoon, then pity fucked her ex husband once a month before getting to the point of bitching about having to even do it at all. After 15 years of this the man decides to bang and get engaged to a woman 1 year older than my husband (he was 23 back then), sold his restaurant, and totally left the country for a year long vacation with his fiance. He flew my husband out there two months into his vacation and told him exactly why he did this and that he didn’t even realized how truly abused was throughout the marriage and how relieved he is now, but after two months of dealing with his mother’s and sister’s slander and redirection of emotional abuse, he dismissed him and told him he was shit for “leaving a good woman because she has cancer.” At that time my husband was still emotionally naive and his Alpha ability was being smothered by his bitter mother and equally bitter and feminazi sister.

    His father came back and they almost immediately continued on as if there was never any friction, and his father made an effort to use his failed marriage as an example of what he should never do as a man if he ever wanted to get marriage and have it last. The result has been that my husband applies both highly masculine (and desirable) traits 1/3 of the time, but very beta, emotionally driven traits the other 2/3. For the majority of our marriage I feel a heighten sense of duty to serve him as gratitude of his sexual passion for me, ability to help me gain order in or lives, and keep me satisfied emotionally…. generally for making me feel extremely feminine and desired. But ever now and again he becomes very emotional, unmotivated, needy and indecisive.

    During a 6 months rough patch in our marriage he had to close his business (he took over his father’s restaurant after he came back to the US and reopened one) and relocate it in a better area but took a massive pay cut in order to do it. I took up the pace by covering the bills to keep us afloat. I felt no resentment having to do this because before this I was well taken care of and wanted to prove to him that he made a good decision choosing me, however he responded to me taking over financially as a threat and became irrationally insecure and weak. He’d constantly bring up how devastated he’d be if I left him and that he loves me more than he loves himself. I’m sure some woman would find that sweet but for me it was upsetting and unattractive. He needed me to validate him as someone worthy of love and generally became almost the opposite of himself, and those “i’d never leave you baby”, and “what are you saying silly you need to love yourself more” became “I feel like I have to sacrifice everything for you!” and “I feel like stuck and unattracted to you lately”. I began to realize that while he had become the opposite of himself I’d begun to do the same thing too. Out of panic I asked him for therapy. We went, got some relief, and I stopped micromanaging and hurling insult, even though my scoring keep continued and feelings of resentment remained the same.

    The restaurant eventually reopened and was successful and he felt more like again. I didn’t feel totally used anymore and our sex life improved. However he hasn’t completely regained the dominance he had when we met, and I can’t shake some of my feelings of resentment even knowing how irrational it is. From day 1 of our marriage we’ve split all bills down the middle and kept separate bank accounts, yet after he reopened and began seeing revenue again he’d only began paying his half of the rent and half of the utilities…. he never took back his half of the phone bill or car payment/insurance. He isn’t much of a reader so I haven’t shown him this page or TRP, but I was hoping that maybe you could advise me on how to encourage and help him get back his authority again? He took a lot of advice from both his father and mother (who has thankfully went into remission 4 months ago) as well as his hyyyyyper alpha feminist (and extremely man hating “you’re a pathetic excuse of a man!” shit taking sister) and seems to be applying everything to “repairing” us. This is really frustrating because all I want from him is to take back on his responsibilities because honestly it’s upsetting that I resumed my total dotting devotion to providing his sex and comfort as he wants and needs it, taking on all chores and errands, continue to stimulate him with variety and consistency, keep up with my appearance to please him, yet still carry on extra duties that he previously took pride in.

    It isn’t about money for me because we’re 50/50, it’s about regaining that balance we had. He’s now very satisfied and I’m now miserable. Please help?

    — Mrs rpnovice

  3. Pingback: Creating Your Slut | TheFamilyAlpha

  4. Pingback: 10 Ways to Keep Your Wife On Her Toes | The Family Alpha

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