Don’t Live Life Vicariously

This is your life and you need to understand that it is all there is for you. You don’t get today back, you don’t get 5 minutes ago back, it has passed and it will never come again. Every single thing you want to do has to be done in the window you’re given. If you want to have a six pack and get the admiration that is given to the good looking, then you need to make the time to prep meals, hit the weights, and get out in the public to display your art.

You don't have all the time in the world, you have NOW. Stop daydreaming and actually DO.

You don’t have all the time in the world, you have NOW. Stop daydreaming and actually DO.

Do you want to write a book or get your degree?

Then get started! The time is going to pass either way so you might as well do something productive that brings you closer to those goals during the passing seconds.

I was originally going to write a parenting post bringing attention to dads who are looking to ‘do it again’ via their sons. I decided against this as while those dads who want to live through their sons are completely weaksauce, the guys who live through their friends are as equally deplorable.

  • Fathers with Regret
  • Envy
  • Freedom
  • Bonus Question
  • Father & Son NOT Father IS Son

I coach my son’s flag football team. This has exposed me to many instances where fathers, who are totally out of shape, are pressuring (sometimes physically) their son to do better, hit harder, suck it up, and stop whining. These weak fucks rocking the Dadbod are trying to relive their own ‘glory days’ through their kids. Not only are they pathetic losers for choosing to take this path of parenting, but they are preventing the kid from forming their own identity. Every choice these boys ever make is going to cause internal struggle as they won’t know if they are making the decision because they themselves want to, or if they are choosing something because it will make dad proud and would be the choice dad would make.

Gentlemen, listen up – if you have a son, allow your son to grow into his own man. Lead him, foster a masculine environment, train him in discipline, work ethic, and teach him the reality of the world – but for fucks sake – do not try to be him and live his life.

My hero is the Men out there who are living an unapologetically Masculine life/

My hero is the Men out there who are living an unapologetically Masculine life/

I’m lucky in the sense that my boyo is all that is man. The kid loves sports, math, America, and all things boy. But, if he were to come up to me and say he wanted to join dance, I would support the fuck out of that too. I wouldn’t call him a pussy, because I am not living through him. My job is to raise him, not make him who I think I would be if I were to do it (life) again.

I would be the most badass father with signs, face paint, and air horns for my son the ballerina.

A Dad and his Daughter

I also have a daughter, and she is the girliest most feminine thing in this world. As I am typing this post up, she is jumping over my dog’s tail with her bedazzled purse over her arm and a huge bow in her hair (she cuts to my core).

I fucking hate how so many fathers I know say shit like, “When she goes on her first date I’ll be waiting – cleaning my shotgun when she gets home…”

Awesome dude, you’re going to scare off a 12 year old boy? That’s masculine as fuck, I’m sure that will make your daughter think, ‘Gee, my dad sure is great’. In reality, it will do the opposite and just the fact that you feel the need to play the role of ‘tough guy dad’ means you truly aren’t a tough dude.

Not only this, but you want to foster a relationship with your daughter where she feels that she can talk to you about anything. I don’t want to think of some boy with my little girl, but its life and the reality is, I’m going to have to cross that bridge someday. I would much rather my girl feeling comfortable discussing it with me and asking the questions than having her sneak behind my back. If you’re a weaksauce father and talk about how you’ll ‘scare the boys away’ then your little lady is going to ensure you never even know those boys exist.

Do yourself a favor, let your son live his own life and ensure your daughter knows that she can share anything with you.

Envy

If you are a single masculine man and you have friends who are married or in long term relationships, then you’ve probably heard the pitiful phrase that runs along the lines of, “Man, you’re so lucky, if I wasn’t married I would do x, y, z…don’t ever get married”.

These guys, they envy you, the want what you have, they think, ‘If only I were single…’ which almost directly translates to, ‘my lack of achievement & contentment with life is directly linked to my decision to start a family’. What you probably know and they are afraid to admit, is that their mediocre performance is not due to their family, it is due to their lack of work ethic, discipline, and inability to embrace their true masculine nature.

I loathe these men more than any other group. I have a special hatred for weak husbands and weak fathers because they are a part of my demographic and they are the reason people think I should be weak, fat, and content with what I’ve got. All in all, they are the reason marriage and fathers have such a shitty stereotype (one I’m trying to break). These fucking assholes are using their family as an excuse for poor performance, they talk of their wives and children as if they are anchors when in reality they should be fuel.

You can stare into the abyss forever, thinking of all the things you 'could' do OR, you could choose to actually do those things.

You can stare into the abyss forever, thinking of all the things you ‘could’ do OR, you could choose to actually do those things.

If you are married or in an LTR – do not envy your single friends, instead – raise your own personal standard. You chose to start a family, even if you did so in the BP mindset, you made a life decision. Lead your family to the level you want them at, maintain the highest standard for yourself, and stop being so fucking comfortable and complacent.

You cannot live through your single friends. Stop admiring their achievements and adventures and go out and make your own. Make it a journey with your family. Single friends can’t bring their family to see the beauty of nature, they can’t lead children to overcome adversity or grow as individuals, they are single, and they don’t have offspring whom they can nurture and watch grow.

The past is gone, whether you wanted to travel more or do this or that, it makes no difference. You are here and you are in the now. I appreciate you spending your ‘now’ reading The Family Alpha but I need you to go out and do the things you want to do. Travel with the kids and wife, or set yourself up so that when they are older you can do what you want then. But still, immerse yourself in the now and don’t ever let the thought ‘if only I were still single’ go through your mind ever again.

Carpe Fucking Diem

You’re Freedom Lays within You

 You cannot live through others, whether it be your kids or your friends. You have your life and only your life – maximize it. Find a way to love who you are, where you’re at, and what it is you do. Even if you want to grow or improve, still find a way to love the point you’ve reached thus far.

To quote Jocko Willink, ‘Discipline Equals Freedom’ discipline yourself enough to place what you have to do over pretending it doesn’t need to get done. You have to workout to get the body you want and the body your wife wants you to have. You have to apply yourself to actually DOING and not just TALKNG about whatever goals you’ve set. You have to accept that you are where you are, trying to live through your kid or friends is not you actually living, so choose to live your own life. If you haven’t put in the work then you don’t deserve the glory, every man I know thinks they have what it takes to reach the highest level of living, but very few actually have the balls to grind all the way from beginning to completion of a goal, you have t finish whatever it is you start.

You'll reach the height you work for and the life you earn. Want to climb higher? Then work harder and raise the standard of self as well as that of those around you.

You’ll reach the height you work for and the life you earn. Want to climb higher? Then work harder and raise the standard of self as well as that of those around you.

In closing, you have to find comfort in the discomfort of living life as a masculine male in a weaksauce society. Nobody can do it for you and you can’t do it through anyone else, live your life – own your shit.

Hunter Drew

**Unrelated Side Question**

Does embracing masculinity apply when dealing with homosexuals? Do we have any gay individuals amongst The Manosphere ranks that can answer this? Maybe a lesbian who is the ‘man’ in the relationship, or a gay dude who has to deal with his ‘feminine’ partner.

I deal a lot with heterosexual individuals, I’ve never dealt with gay marriage, why is that?

These things have crossed my mind a few times and I don’t want to write an entire post just to ask this question. I bring it up for people to either private message me so we can discuss or to comment below so we can talk about how, if at all, it works and what the differences of application may be.
Hunter
I write for free, but if you feel the need to compensate for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life – I’d be most humbled and appreciative.

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5 thoughts on “Don’t Live Life Vicariously

  1. “I also have a daughter, and she is the girliest most feminine thing in this world. As I am typing this post up, she is jumping over my dog’s tail with her bedazzled purse over her arm and a huge bow in her hair (she cuts to my core).”
    I found your weakness

    Like

  2. Pingback: Baseball & Letting Your Son Become a Man | TheFamilyAlpha

  3. Pingback: What to do when your son gets into his first fight. | TheFamilyAlpha

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