To think you can ignore a problem until it resolves itself is so backwards and illogical that if I hadn’t witnessed it firsthand time and again, I’d never believe people actually behaved like this.
Saying you love someone more than anything yet you’re unable to directly confront them on an issue should show you that you do not love them more than you love the current comfort you’re enjoying in your life.
If you have an obese child, friend, or family member they are not going to ‘grow out of it‘, that chubby teen girl is not going to ‘blossom into a beauty‘, there is never going to be a “right time” to have the difficult conversation with these loved ones about their issues, but they’re completely necessary nonetheless.
You have to have the talk.
If you do not, they’ll eventually reach the point of ‘no return’ and forever suffer the entirely preventable negative health complications which could have been avoided had you only had the courage to say something.
I’ve already covered the growing (no pun intended) population of Funny Fat Guys as well as the need to work with your wife to Balance the Scales so I will focus this post on those we interact with on a relatively frequent basis or are a part of our lives and we care enough about them that we are willing to take the difficult, yet necessary actions.
I’d like to note, this applies to those who are extremely underweight as well.
You may have a fat, mom, dad, brother, or sister and while you’ve noted their growing weight and declining health, you’ve avoided directly bringing it up, instead choosing to look the other way when they struggle to get out of a chair, move around a restaurant, or keep up during hikes.
Let me ask you, how has that worked for you and them so far?
How has their life improved because of your silence? How are you able to talk about their declining health, possibly to other members in your family without reaching the point where you throw your comfortable relationship to the side in order to do what must be done?
You must make the difficult decision now to risk losing that person and forever ruining the relationship in order to save their life.
I know it sucks, I know you feel your heart try to rip through your chest when you think of it. I know you feel you won’t have the right words or that the conversation will turn immediately to blame, yelling, anger, regret, guilt, etc.
I know that this could result in a strained relationship for the rest of their life without improvement of health on their part so you’ll feel it was all for naught.
But that isn’t the truth, because if you do make the decision to have that conversation and take that more difficult path of direct confrontation, you’ll be able to go to the grave knowing that at least you tried.
When everyone else stood in the stands watching this loved one eat themselves to the grave you stepped into the arena and fought.
Maybe you win, maybe you lose, but at least when your family member is struggling with confidence, unable to live, and slowly dying in front of your eyes while all others wish they’d done more; for the rest of their days they will suffer that regret, you won’t, because you acted.
It is always better to err on the side of action.
Others may say that you calling your family member out is disrespectful, especially if it is a parent, but this isn’t about respect or allowing others to remain comfortable, it’s about life. When you are fat you lack confidence, you lack physical capability, and you suffer preventable health complications on the mind as well as body. You carry that weight mentally, physically, and spiritually.
This doesn’t have to be a shaming approach, though that has been proven to help.
You must use tact, use inspiration vs berating them, show your true passion and desire to help and ensure they’re aware you’re bringing it up because you care and love them.
You’re bringing it up because you want them around, able to go on adventures with you and have them in your life for a longer period of time.
You cannot hang Polaroids if you cannot move.
Your children will perform to the standard you accept, not the one you expect.
There are a lot of parents of fat children who talk about how, back in their day they didn’t have tablets. What kind of bullshit sorcery are these people talking about?
These parents buy their kid a tablet then bitch about kids on tablets.
Parents like that can’t complain about kids on tablets. I can because when the sun is out, my kids are out. I’m not having a screen raise them, in fact I advise families to Kill the TV and start investing in quality time together.
Give your kids presence, not presents.
Fat kids are the product of weak parents, this is a non-negotiable fact and I have spent hours arguing/discussing this with people in my real life and online. There is no reason a child should be overweight *barring diagnosed conditions which are quite rare & even those conditions only account for 10-20lb weight gain.
The reason kids are fat is because they are sedentary for a plethora of reasons, their diet is full of processed crap, and their parents don’t care or are placing emphasis on work and comfort over the more difficult path of actually raising their Sons (Post Here for Boys) & Daughters (Post here for girls).
Your child’s life is heavily influenced by the standard of upbringing they receive from you, their parent. The habits, relationship with food, fitness, and overall approach to life will be developed from the actions you’re taking.
Kids follow your example, not your advice.
If you are eating right and working out, there is no reason that you should not be applying this to your child’s life as well. They are never too young to get active and get moving with you or on their own. They didn’t buy the ice cream, chips, pizza, or snacks, the parent did.
My daughter is 5 and she was downstairs with me today doing kettlebell swings while my wife and I dead-lifted. Then, she was showing me how close she is to doing a split and asking about stretches. My 8 year old son is the same way who is always doing push-ups or climbing, running, etc. The kid was outside late last night using our front light as a spotlight so he could keep throwing his football in the air and try to catch it one-handed “like Odell Beckham Jr.”
Parents, you must foster an environment in your home where you cook with your kids, have them cook with you, and while you’re doing so talk to them about the ingredients being added and what each one does for your body. Make your kids a part of your exercise program and have fun with it.
This doesn’t have to be some strict food & fitness Nazi style parenting. My kids have snacks, but instead of ice cream I’ll give them frozen grapes or they’ll make their own fruit concoctions.
Make it fun, develop a healthy household where people are eating to live and aren’t living to eat.
People say you’re the result of those you keep close company with.
Look at your friends, are they fit or are they fat?
Have you ever approached your fat friend or are you taking the, “They’re an adult, I don’t have any business or responsibility saying anything to them about their weight.” approach?
I’m telling you right now, if any of the guys pictured above were my friend I would absolutely be talking to them about un-fucking their life.
What’s the worst that can happen, you lose a friend because you tell them they are going to destroy their life for no reason other than being gluttonous? Is losing someone who can’t take your advice/opinion really a friend in the first place?
I get it, we all want to be comfortable and just have a good time, but these guys and girls who you call “friends”, their fat selves are going to start experiencing the pain of being fat and act like they don’t know why they’re sick, why they can’t get pregnant, why their joints hurt, why they can’t climb the mountain or jet-ski with you and your girl.
They’re going to suffer, suffer, and suffer all because nobody has the spine to stand up and tell them that all of their extra weight is literally killing them.
Grab your balls and have that difficult conversation, if you lose the friendship then at least you know how weak that “friend” was in the first place.
— Hunter Drew (@TheFamilyAlpha) November 15, 2016
I focus on dogs as I’m a dog guy, insert whatever pet you have; the advice remains the same.
My sister is also a professional dog trainer, so I’ve got a great resource who provides me with the do’s and don’ts. I don’t laugh when I see dogs that are fat as hell that have a hard time running around.
I’m a ‘dog guy’, the photo above is my most loyal companion, he’s the only thing in this world which loves me more than himself and I’ll never stop appreciating that.
When I see bulldogs or other dogs which have a stockier build I immediately look to see if the dog is being treated like he’s a frat brother. People think certain animals are supposed to be fat so they’ll feed them Cheetos, have them drink beer, and just treat the animal like it’s a garbage disposal. They don’t exercise it regularly nor do they bring it anywhere to ‘experience’ the outdoors.
Your dog doesn’t need to be eating Blue Buffalo, but god damn, give some attention to what it’s funneling down its throat.
The same goes for exercise and ‘life experience’. Has your dog ever been to a lake, the ocean, a park, or the woods? If all it has seen is the block you walk around and your backyard, why do you have a pet?
This animal needs to burn energy; a tired dog is a happy dog.
I bring my dude places in the Jeep, sneak him to a lake we aren’t supposed to swim at, let him run the woods, and we get Target brand food. The best? Negative, but it’s better than the crap that you get for .99/lb we’ll also supplement his food with richer proteins & meats occasionally.
Ensure you’re setting the standard for everyone in your clan, too include your loyal companions
I understand this is a sensitive subject, but when you look at the ‘big picture’ isn’t a little discomfort now, better than a big discomfort later when everyone realizes that maybe their isn’t health to be found at every size…
Acta Non Verba,
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