I first wrote of how I’d created a modern version of Agoge back in September 2016. Since writing that post, ‘Modern Day Agoge: A man’s path to raising a masculine son in a feminized society.‘ I’ve received countless emails from other fathers asking how they could implement this style of home education & a Rite of Passage into the lives & relationship with their son.
Both our sons and daughters need their own version of Agoge.
The Spartans had an Agoge for their girls as well which focused on gymnastics and tending the the household and family, but that piece will be written at a later time. This is dedicated to raising our sons and providing them with a clear path to masculine living.
In the first post I touched on the specific subjects, this one will go beyond the scope of the literal topics and more into the ‘Why & How’ of it all.
We live in a fast paced, time wasting, numb society. Everything is being created to make living more ‘comfortable‘. This is in direct conflict with the development of masculinity and it’s also detrimental to sustaining your own masculine nature as a man.
Choosing to have a child is one of the biggest decisions of your life.
The amount of time, money, and personal sacrifice required is greater than you can imagine if you do it right. I want you to think longer and harder about this than the average schmuck who has kids because ‘his wife wants to‘ or because that’s what he feels he ‘should‘ do via society’s pressure on men to settle down & support the female imperative.
In my post The Burden of Family I talk about the necessity of viewing your family as fuel and not an anchor. You have to consider this before having kids. They are going to take away most of the ‘you time’ that is currently experienced. This is the burden of men; balancing the desire for conquest and glory with development of the lives their responsible to.
If you want to follow the type of path I’m forging with my boy, then you need to be prepared to commit a significant amount of quality time with him.
Sitting & watching TV or eating shitty foods and talking about your day is not quality time. If you’ve set the goal of reclaiming your masculine self and at the same time want to prevent your son from ever suffering the pain of having a Void in his heart and soul, then you need to be ready to read, teach, answer questions, and do it all at the expense of your personal development.
When I read a book to my son, conduct science experiments, discuss philosophy, teach him math, or answer the 1,000 questions he has, I am not blogging, writing, reading books, doing my own schoolwork, or pursuing the other personal goals I have.
I am OK with this as I chose to have children and I have a limitless reserve of masculine energy & confidence in self.
I may not have the time to read or write as much as I would like or as much as the other bloggers & authors out there. But, they don’t get the personal satisfaction and joy which I experience with my son; the trade-off is worth it to me.
You may find that it isn’t to you.
Not all fathers have the same goals and not all fathers are capable of choosing the development of their son over the development of their ‘self’.
I’m not here to judge, but I want it to be clear that this path does not work for every father out there. I will ask that you take a deep introspective moment to decide if it’s worth it.
I’d also like you to recognize that your son needs you, when you feel the weight is too much, dig deeper and find that reserve of masculine power which never fails you.
The future of masculinity is in our youth. I think the loss of sleep due to pushing the schedule back to make time for raising our boys is worth it.
Don’t ask for more hours in the day, they don’t appear (trust me). Instead, get better at managing your time.
The Responsibility of Fatherhood
Remember, your children will perform to the standard you accept, not the one you expect.
They’ll follow your masculine example over your fatherly advice.
This is why you must:
- Read to them & with them
- Exercise Together
- Develop Home Lessons on a variety of subjects
- Drill them with physical & mental tests
I’ve been asked if there was a set schedule my son and I followed with regards to his ‘masculine pipeline’. To a degree, yes there is a schedule as we have certain subjects set for certain days.
This does not mean that we don’t shift things around, cater to holidays, vacations, etc. or that there is any strict adherence to this schedule.
There are times where we have to skip our science day because baseball practice ran late or a family member is in town. I will always acknowledge it to let my son know that we are missing a lesson so that he doesn’t think I forgot or that it doesn’t matter.
As the masculine example & leader in the family you’ve got to ensure that your son is being equipped with the right ‘programming’ in his mind.
It is not the responsibility of the government to ensure our children are properly educated. Their job is to provide the most basic of fundamental development. The problem with letting them run his entire education is that the entire organizational structure is geared towards support of the feminine imperative.
He will be conditioned to repress his natural thoughts and actions in favor of what has been deemed by our weak society as ‘appropriate’.
It is your responsibility to create a system which counteracts this conditioning. You select your lessons based on what you believe your son should know. As I write this I realize that I have not taught my son wilderness survival. I’m making a note on our calendar that I need to teach him to build shelter, find food, hunt, hydrate, land navigation, etc.
This is the mindset you need to have.
If you build a program like my modern Agoge, you’ll be able to easily add/subtract from it. If you never develop a ‘home training’ system then you’ll never develop the habit of thinking, what can I teach my son today?
He needs you.
All of our boys need a masculine example.
As fathers and men it is our responsibility to fill that role and develop our sons to being able to reach even greater heights than we attain ourselves.
My son won’t need TFA in his life, neither will he need The Red Pill; his default will be that of a masculine man.
A part of Modern Agoge is helping my son develop and express his masculine nature.
I reinforce his masculine habits and developments through amplified praise of manly nature frequently. The other day in the middle of dinner I got up, walked over to my son, put my face in his, and exclaimed to the family that his mustache was starting to fill in (he’s 7). I made it a thing and he was so proud and we all ‘cheered’ to him, it was awesome.
I heard him bragging to his friend a few days later about how his mustache was ‘growing bigger‘.
He frequently talks about having a beard when he’s older, just like dad’s, his muscles/strength, and one time when I asked him why he was running around the front yard in the cold without a shirt on he said, “Because I’m a man”.
While I made him put his clothes back on so he didn’t catch a cold, I was proud that he was expressing who he was vice repressing that genuine nature & self.
When we have our philosophy lessons I explain to him that being a man isn’t all about war and physically prowess but also the mental strength which must be forged.
I speak of great leaders, warriors, and brilliant minds who were all equally masculine in their endeavors.
I let him wrestle, use tools and weapons; my wife and I do not try to bubble wrap him in an attempt to keep him from experiencing harm. There have been times where I’ve warned him that doing something could hurt and when he tried it anyway, I did not prevent the painful result.
He learned his lesson the hard way, as we all must.
Whether he is falling off a wall or wounded from wrestling, I do not run to him. I watch him pick himself up, covered in mud, blood, or tears and let him console and compose himself. Only then will I go to him to check for permanent damage to the body or mind and I’ll provide a lesson.
There are too many coddling fathers. Sometimes you have to put your hand on your son’s shoulder and tell him that he failed because he wasn’t good enough.
There are days where we don’t measure up.
This is reality.
I have failed, my son has failed, and we will both continue to do so as there’s no other way to know where that line is until you cross it and fall hard onto your face.
A while back my son fell off a gnarly rock wall at the playground. The things is a beast and his friends wouldn’t even attempt it He was upset and I told him it’s because he hadn’t trained hard enough with his climbing.
He did not look to me with a self-defeated attitude, he looked up at me with embarrassment and fear he had disappointed me.
So I told him, “Son, I’m not disappointed you failed to reach the top. You tried something the other kids wouldn’t try and you failed. Today you are not ready for this wall, but I promise you that every kid who saw you climb and fall wishes they were able to attempt it. Your mind is strong and I know you’ll workout harder and keep practicing until you can scale it. You entered the arena and you were beaten, but look at the other kids, they all stand in the crowd, afraid to even try.”
These are the talks you need to be having with your son. They need know that life isn’t sunshine and rainbows. They need to know that if they do not prepare then they will fail and that failure is not acceptable but rather it should be used a fuel for future growth.
My son has since climbed to the top of that wall. He practiced and pushed himself every chance he got whenever we went anywhere. Then when he took it on again, he zipped right up.
I was proud, he was proud, the lesson was instilled.
Preparation for War
Every time I have to travel for work I tell my son that he is the ‘Man of the house‘ while I’m away. The first time I said this, I asked him if he knew what that meant; he said “No”.
I then went on to explain to him that men are both the Shield and Spear of their family.
As men we are required to protect our clan from external forces (Shield) and attack our enemies when required (Spear).
I then spoke of the many roles he may not be aware that I filled for our family. I told him that in my absence he’d have to be the one my daughter went to when she didn’t understand something. That he would have to do the man’s chores (Trash, yard, kill bugs, etc.) and that he would have to make sure that everyone was safe and sound.
This is all a formality, the kid is 7.
I know my wife will be holding down the fort while I’m away as she is both my Queen & Warrior, but I want to begin forging the pathways in his mind where he knows, at some point, he will be the one to fill these roles.
His time will come when he moves out of my sphere of control and into the ‘real world’ to make it as a man and I want him to know exatly what’s expected of masculine men in society.
Unfortunately there could be a time where our sons have to fill that role sooner than we expected. If I’m killed by a drunk driver tonight, then my son’s lessons will be over and if I had not taught him what it was that men are expected to do, then someone else would and too often that someone else is already deeply in support of the feminine imperative.
If you’re asking yourself, When would be the best time to start my son’s ‘Rite of Passage’ then look at the example above and see that the time is now.
The world is a brutal place and masculine men are targeted by all. Prepare your boy for battle by strengthening his mind to where it becomes an impenetrable fortress. His belief in self and masculine development should not be something he does, but rather who he is.
Society, the school system, and life as a whole are working against you.
Let everyone else enjoy complacent living. Not you though and not your son, you must find comfort in the discomfort and only then will you be living your genuine life.
“When you teach your son, you teach your son’s son.“
You are the torchbearer of masculinity, pass the fire onto the next generation.
Acta Non Verba,