Becoming A Better Father II Of III: Deeds > Words
This is the second piece in a three part series (You can read the first here) that is dedicated to becoming a better father right now.
It was originally an email from the Family Alpha Newsletter (Click Here to Subscribe), the response I received from fathers prompted me to turn it into a piece for the blog so more men could get the word and begin raising their standard today.
The motto of The Family Alpha is Acta, Non Verba
Which means Deeds, Not Words
I feel it perfectly captures the plight so many families are facing. Everyone says they want to be better – to be healthier, happier, and overall more succeessful in life.
But, nobody wants to do the damn work required to experience that level of optimized living.
We’re fixing that here.
Don’t tell me you want more – show me.
You have children, want children, or you are the primary male that is filling the father figure role, that’s likely why you’re reading this.
With that position comes great responsibility.
We can see the detrimental effects of there not being a father in the picture everywhere in society. Taking fathers from families has become an epidemic which has left many men to be raised by women who don’t know how to raise men.
- These future men have no role model.
- These future men have no template from which to base their decision making process off.
- These future men are left defenseless to the attack from their mother on their masculinity.
I’m not saying the mother will be malicious, but a mother telling a son to share his feelings constantly, to “play it safe“, to always be nice as that is the way to a woman’s heart – these things will destroy a young boy’s mind and set him up for years of pain and regretful behaviors.
The intention is not to harm the boy, but mothers cannot be fathers.
Here’s what is worse: There are many homes out there where the father is numb and nothing more than a walking paycheck. He is present in this young man’s life and the same outcome is produced due to his lack of involvement.
If that’s you, it’s time to make a change.
5 Immediate Actions To Take:
1. Get Rid of Too Tired
You’ve used up your quota of times saying, “I need to relax“.
Your children need to see you active and engaged. They need to have you out there playing catch, reading to them, and just doing stuff. You’ve got to remove the sit down, drink, Netflix, scroll on your phone, etc.
You aren’t too tired for them, not anymore.
2. Go On Dates
You need to get 1 on 1 time with your kids.
- Man Dates (With sons)
- Dad & daughter dates (With your little lady)
Whatever you want to call it, you need to get your children alone and you need to go out into the world together.
These neither have to occur nightly, nor do they have to be too elaborate. You simply need to ensure weekly/bi-weekly you are getting your kids some alone time where they can have you 100% to themselves.
- This may mean going for a walk around the neighborhood
- An actual dinner date
- Watching a movie
- Bringing them to the park
There is time for the entire family, but there also has to be time for the individual child distraction free.
3. Build a Plan
Ask your children what their goals are, then work with them to come up with identifying three actions they can begin taking to actualize their goals.
It isn’t enough for your kid to say, “I want to do x” or “I want to be y“, ask them how are they going to make it happen.
Life is too short to be stagnant.
Everyone wants something, few work to get it.
Come up with a game-plan alongside your child to ensure they live the life they want to live.
4. Face The Hard Shit Head On
- Is your kid obese?
- Is your kid popular?
- Does your kid have a social group/friends?
Childhood obesity is an epidemic our country is not adequately treating. It is on par with child abuse, yet fat kids continue to stuff their face and nobody says a thing.
If your kid is fat now, he/she is going to face a world of preventable pain, some physical and some emotional all because you wanted to look past the problem.
The earlier you tackle this issue the better.
It may be a sensitive topic, but it’s one you, the father, needs to have the balls to take on directly.
Work with your kid to dial in their health and ensure that you are doing the same: Example > advice
Is your kid teased?
Find out why.
Look into what he or she is doing to become “that guy” in the group.
Nobody wants to be the outcast; work with your kid to ensure you aren’t a part of the problem.
You may be the one that is getting your kid teased, you don’t know if you don’t observe and act.
Do you live in the middle of nowhere?
I live in a rural part of my town, it’s not all farmland, but definitely nothing like the city.
Because of this, my kids don’t have friends living nearby that they can walk to or ride bikes to. The wife and I make a concerted effort to ensure we stay engaged with other families and have our kids see their kids, etc.
Make sure you are helping your children socialize and get out there, they need to develop themselves alongside their peers.
When kids don’t have local friends, they often turn to video games to connect with over the internet. This isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it definitely needs to be moderated.
Make sure your child is “leveling up” as much in the physical realm as they are in the electronic one.
5. Achieve Something
Again, your children follow your example, not your advice.
You want them to be champions?
You become a champion.
Show them you’ve still got it.
Go out and compete in some form or another; go out there and get after a 5k, a Spartan Race, something…
Let them see you earning trophies and medals, sign up for something today.
It doesn’t really matter what, just do something.
You need to develop the entirety of who you are as a man, you need to train your physical, mental, and spiritual self or what I’ve come to call The Trident of Masculinity.
If you are the type of man who does better by watching a video on how to do something then you going out and doing it you should seriously consider investing in the Men of Character Conference.
I didn’t realize how isolated men had become until the 21 Con and MoC videos were released. I had quite a few reach out and say that watching my video and that of the other speakers was what motivated them to get into gear. If you don’t have any “real world” friends to hold you accountable, then look at creating real bonds through electronic communication and interaction.
As I am typing this out I have the men inside the Fraternity of Excellence texting me about our Saturday morning video chat.
We’re breaking down the electronic barrier between men more and more each day, our brothers and friends are no longer constrained to physical proximity.
Check Out the Fraternity of Excellence, see if it’s what you need to help you help yourself and ultimately help your children raise the standard of the rest of their lives.
Acta Non Verba,
Follow on Twitter: @HunterDrewTFA
This piece was first published on The Family Alpha email list, I turned it into a blog post due to the overwhelming response from fathers.
If you’d like to get access to this type of content hot off the press, be sure to subscribe: SUBSCRIBE TO THE FAMILY ALPHA NEWSLETTER