Becoming a Father
I am writing this piece for the soon to be or just became fathers of the world.
These men, who’ve likely already recognized the sad state of society have brought life into this world, an amazing moment and now carry the burden of ensuring they ‘raise it right‘, a terrifying thought.
With the apocalypse of The Walking Dad out there, it’s easy to lower your standard and assume, being a dad means you have a legitimate reason to justify mediocre performance as a man.
I mean, look at it objectively, all things ‘dad’ are negative; DadBod, dad jokes, bumbling fools on television who act more like another child to their wife than they do leader of their clan.
Those guys perpetuate the notion that being a father means you should dress sloppily, gain weight, and become weak and childish.
Fathers should be strong, confident, and remain masculine as that is who they are and not something they are doing. The fact that a man has reproduced should not mean a damn thing with regards to his performance as a masculine powerhouse, but alas it does, and I hate it.
When the ignorant masses are the ones who control the information being approved of and therefore controlling what is disseminated, you can see how masculine authentic men are lost and don’t know where to turn with their questions.
You aren’t going to ask Peter Griffin for advice, right?
So as these new fathers interact with their wives and discuss the upcoming birth, they may have noticed that they don’t feel the way she does in regards to the relationship with the child.
Gentlemen, my son is eight and my daughter is five and I still remember this uneasy feeling, it is completely natural.
For those about to take on the title of Father, congratulations.
During the 9 months of growing the future man or woman, your wife has daily contact with the baby; she is literally sharing her blood, food, water, everything. Whereas you can only feel it move, outside the stomach and that is it.
This leads to the point of birth where the baby is out and your wife is holding it and you can see in your wife’s face that this child is her entire world; she loves it and is absolutely, fully, in love with it.
You on the other hand have just met the child and while you love it and will protect it with your life, you are not in love with it and that’s ok.
You are a man, you love differently than a woman does, you are unable to just give your all to something that you haven’t been able to judge, experience, or interact with.
I have argued with fathers on this topic time and again. What I’ve come to realize is that the guys who agree with my point are all motivated, squared away men while those taking total opposition were all ‘BluePill’ Dads. They were the fat ones who gained ‘sympathy weight’ and became emotional like their wives. In fact, they were consistently the dads I say you should not be like at all.
The fact that I could say that I loved my son & daughter when they were born but I was not ‘in love’ with them at that point in time seemed to be completely incomprehensible and somehow wrong.
I love my children with my all and I’ll tell you when I fell ‘in love‘ with them.
I fell in love with them when I was up at 0300 changing their diapers, I fell in love with them when they were crying and would only stop for me. I fell in love with them when they slept on my shoulder. That’s when I fell in love with my kids, when I got to know them, tend to them, and protect them.
That love has only grown as they have.
Don’t feel as though your relationship is inadequate in the beginning. You’re doing just fine brother, your wife has had a 9 month head start toward the relationship with your child. When it is born and you see that immediate link you’ll feel the love every man feels for his offspring, but you won’t feel that ‘in love’ connection until you’ve spent time with the baby and it’s ‘earned’ that part of your heart.
Acta Non Verba,
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