Becoming a Father
I am writing this piece for the soon to be or just became fathers of the world.
Most have likely recognized the sad fact that anybody can bring life into this world.
Why is that a sad” fact?
To put it simply, because not everybody should reproduce.
There, I said it.
Not everyone should be a parent. It’s clear by the news you can see daily:
- Stories having parents leave their kids at home alone to party and do drugs.
- Stories where mothers sell their children into sex trafficking rings.
- Stories that make your stomach turn.
If you’re reading my work, that had better not be you. If you’re expecting your first child or have a little one running around now, we’re going to ensure that isn’t you heading forward.
How to be a good dad.
With the apocalypse of The Walking Dad out there, it’s easy to lower your standard and assume that being a dad means you have a legitimate reason to justify mediocre performance as a man.
If we’re to judge ourselves off the performance of our peers, simply wearing properly fitting clothes puts you in the top 50% and not wearing feeding your kid at least one serving of vegetables a day will bump you to the top 25%*, the bar is so pitifully low.
(*Stats completely made up to prove a point)
I mean, fatherhood has been linked with sub-par performance in almsot all areas.
Look at it objectively, all things “Dad” are negative; DadBod, dad jokes, bumbling fools on television who act more like another child to their wife than they do her lover or the leader of the family.
Those guys, the celebrities, actors, and your peers who’ve followed creating life up with letting their life standards go to sh*t are the ones who perpetuate the notion that being a father means you should dress sloppily, gain weight, then become weak and childish.
Fathers should be strong, confident, and continue to exhibit masculine traits as that is who they are and not something they are doing.
The fact that a man has reproduced should not mean a damn thing with regards to his performance as a man; but alas it does, and I hate it.
When the ignorant masses are the ones who control the information being approved for delivery it’s no wonder this garbage is being disseminated and welcomed with open arms.
,Men living driven, traditional, authentic lives are lost and don’t know where to turn with their questions. They don’t relate to the buffoons and their women and children don’t understand why what’s on TV and around them is not their life experience.
You aren’t going to ask Peter Griffin for advice, right?
As these new fathers interact with their wives and discuss the upcoming birth, they may have noticed that they don’t feel the way she does in regards to the relationship with the child.
Gentlemen, my son is ten and my daughter is seven and I still remember this uneasy feeling, it is completely natural.
For those about to take on the title of Father, congratulations.
Nobody but other fathers are going to understand what it is you’re going through and even then, as a motivated man on a mission, you can cut that population down as well because most fathers are weak and will not understand why you are the way you are (driven and not comfortable with mediocrity).
During the 9 months of growing the future man or woman your wife has daily contact with the baby; she is literally sharing her blood, food, water, everything.
As the dad, you can only feel it move, outside the stomach and that is it.
Don’t fret, even though she’s pregnant and the two of your lives are about to be changed forever, there’s really not a whole lot for you to be doing or changing in your life.
Sure, some new equipment for the baby, cleaning up some safety concerns around the house; those things happen but you, your daily routine sans pregnant wife’s hormones should not be altered by too much.
This goes until the point of birth where the baby is out and your wife is holding it and you can see in your wife’s face that this child is her entire world; she loves it and is absolutely, fully, in love with it.
You on the other hand have just met the child.
While you love it and will protect it with your life, you are not in love with it and that’s ok.
You are a man, you love differently than a woman does. As men, we aren’t programmed to just give our all to something that we haven’t been able to judge, experience, or interact with.
I have argued with fathers on this topic time and again and what I’ve come to realize is that the guys who agree with my point are all motivated, squared away men while those taking total opposition were all “comfortable Dads”.
They were the fat ones who gained ‘sympathy weight’ and became emotional like their wives. In fact, they were consistently the dads I say you should not be like at all.
The fact that I could say that I loved my son & daughter when they were born but I was not ‘in love’ with them at that point in time seemed to be completely incomprehensible and somehow wrong.
Fathers are leaders
I love my children with my all and I’ll tell you when I fell ‘in love‘ with them.
- I fell in love with them when I was up at 0300 changing their diapers.
- I fell in love with them when they were crying and would only stop for me.
- I fell in love with them when they slept on my shoulder.
That’s when I fell in love with my kids, when I got to know them, tend to them, and protect them.
That love has only grown as they have.
Don’t worry about not being able to relate to a majority of your fellow fathers and please, don’t ever be ashamed of refusing to lower your standards because, “Dad”.
If you want to be a good dad then keep your bar of personal standards high, continue to make your woman and children a priority in your life, show up even when tired, and do the work men do, not for praise but because it needs to be done.
Your family will thrive.
Also, never feel as though your relationship with your children is inadequate in the beginning; that will come with each experience.
You’re doing just fine brother, your wife has had a 9 month head start toward the relationship with your child and when it is born and you see that immediate link you’ll feel the love every man feels for his offspring, but you won’t feel that ‘in love’ connection until you’ve spent time with the baby and it’s earned that part of your heart.
Again, congratulations – fatherhood is awesome.
Take action and take care,Hunter Drew
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