As the leader of your family during this holiday season the joy or rage experienced by all rests squarely onÂ yourÂ shoulders. Kids that are laughing or those that are crying, a wife that is smiling or one that is nagging and annoying that is on you;Â so don’t screw it up by not filling your role.
We have 10 days (9 not counting Christmas itself) before December 25. Christmas is one of the biggest, if notÂ theÂ biggest holidays of the yearÂ and it’s knocking on your door.
Do you have a gameplan?
I certainly hope so because there are severalÂ aspects to this season that need to be dealt with. As a masculine man you can get exactly what it is you want from this holiday season,Â ifÂ you can lead your family to that promised land.
I view these to be the top 5 areas that need to be given the highest priority when dealing with this season. Remember, I have an 6 and 3 year old so your ranking system may be different.
I’ve come across a lot of posts on the Red Pill forums and Twitter concerning what presents to give as a man whose recently reclaimed his masculine nature.
Many men have taken control of their lives and have decided to embrace their masculine selves and reclaim their position as leader of their clan. Now, they are petrified of giving a “weak” gift. Gentlemen, it’s just a gift; if you’re authentic self is defined but what you choose to give people, you’ve got much bigger problems.
This fear is justified to a degree, yet it points to a much larger issue with the individual which is,Â you give a gift you want to give, not one you feelÂ obligatedÂ to give.Â Whether it is your friends, society, or some online forum,Â you should give your wife and kids whatÂ youÂ want them to have.
- If you want to get outside more with your son, then why in the hell are you buying him the X Box One or another PS4 game?
- If you want your daughter to read more, then why is she getting make up and jewelry?
- The same goes for your wife, if you want her to become more sexually open or live life in a more carefree manner, then why are you buying her jewelry and the brand newÂ thingÂ a commercial or magazine told you to get?
Keeping up with the Jones’ is weak and unmanly. Get your family gifts that are also investments in their personal growth.
Unplug from the consumer mindset
Advertisements have you stuck in the ‘buy-loop‘. It’s the loop where you think your kids will love you more if you buy them things (they won’t) or that your wife will find you more attractive and have sex with you more often if you buy her stuff (she won’t).
What your family needs is a leader, not more ‘things’.
Presence > presents
Get your son a book that impacted you. Something like Gates of FireÂ or Hatchet. Or you could get him a BB Gun so you could teach him about firearm safety. Create an opportunity where you and him go out together, shoot soda cans as men in a men only environment. It doesn’t matterÂ if it’s super high tech, the thingÂ shootsÂ and therefore the boyÂ will love it.
On top of that you’re providing him with an opportunity to become his own man, another step in his ‘Rite of Passage‘ in your Modern Day Agoge.
It doesn’t have to be a BB gun, it could be his first kettlebell, heavy bag, barbell, paintball gun, throwing knives, a book collection, etc. The point is, you get him something thatÂ youÂ want him to have and experience, screw what’s popular or what society is pimping to people this week; that crap is weak and will be obsolete in 2 months.
The same concept applies to the ladies. Your daughter needs to see that a true man does not cater to the message of a girls wants. Jewelry & shiny things to make them happy? Negative.
- Is your daughter artistic? Grab an easel.
- Does she dance? Build her a dance platform.
- Does she want to be a scientist or does she want to be a hairdresser? Cater the gift to what you the child desires and what you support; get a telescope or microscope, buy her a makeup set or hair stuff.
Buy her gifts that will improve whatever skill it is she is trying to develop. Don’t just walk down the girl aisle and grab stuff off the shelves at random, you’re a better father than that.
Don’t think,Â I don’t ‘get’ girls so I’ll go with a barbie she needs the same dedication as your boy and if you read this blog and the rest of theÂ Manosphere than you shouldÂ “get her”.
For your wife you need to be practical, Â what does sheÂ wantÂ and what does sheÂ need?
I look at what I want to see more of in my wife and I buy gifts that will support that. I’ll also throw in some gifts that have plenty of sexual innuendo and then I see what it is she wants, then I decipher her covert language and get her what it is sheÂ actuallyÂ wants.
The cards I write always make her laugh and the biggest boxes always have the smallest presents. Tease your wife as often as possibleÂ not like a dickhead, but rather like the boy who had a crush on the girl at the playground. He liked her a lot, so what did he do? He’d pull her hair. Make her feel like you justÂ get her through your gifts, then pull her hair.
My children are 6 years old and 3 years old and theyÂ loveÂ driving around looking at lights. Provide your family with that opportunity, this season comes once a year, don’t keep putting other ‘priorities’ ahead of the one that will live in your child’s memory forever. Make time to check the lights out, sled, build a snowman, etc.
My wife and I recently decided to drive to one of the biggest light displays around our area. We ended up in two hours of traffic. It could have gone one of three ways.
- I drive back home telling the kids the wait was just too long and we’d try again another day (quit)
- We stay in traffic and all end up ripping each other’s face off in a fit of traffic induced rage (weak)
- We make it an adventure and make it to our destination (Alpha)
My wife turned to me after a 1/2 hour asking if we should go home. Without hesitation I said, “No, we’ll ride this out and it will be worth it.” My wife trusted my guidance, but I could tell she wasn’t too sure the kids could make it. Recognizing her unspoken doubts I said, “Guys, do you want to play a magical Christmas game?” They said yes and I made up some rediculous ‘I Spy’ game on the lights around us that lasted the next 1hr 1/2
We eventually made it to the exhibit and as we walked to the first display my daughter, in her beautiful, little innocent voice says, “Wow, that’s amazing…” I could have wept then and there (I didn’t, but it was close..too close). We never would have had that moment if I had chosen either of the other two paths.
Push through for your kids and make it enjoyable for all of them. Even if you’re stressed the hell out in traffic; smile, play some tunes, and find joy in the moment. You can’t control traffic, but youÂ canÂ control your reaction to it. Be a masculine male and control what you can and disregard the rest.
During the Christmas season it is highly likely that you’ll see every character & stereotype of a family member that there is. The people you love and those you hate, and those you didn’t remember you were related to, yet here they are.
Remember this: you control you; you doÂ notÂ control your wife. If she wants to go see her parents the same day you want to see yours, either see both during the day or divide and conquer. Don’t make it a thing, just do what you have to do and choose to go wherever you’ll get the most joy. We don’t have enough time in this world trying to make everyone else happy by operating under the plan that is most convenientÂ for them.
If you have to see that shitty uncle or pain in the ass in-law, remind yourself that you can learn something from everyone. You either see what you doÂ want to be like or what youÂ don’tÂ want to be like.
- Got that drunk uncle? Remind yourself why you don’t get blitzed in front of people.
- Do you have that athletic stud of a nephew? Remind yourself to keep your foot on the gas with lifting.
You can learn something in every situation you find yourself in, if you choose to.
Holiday ‘stress’ isn’t a thing, it’s a failure of leadership. Your wife would not feel ‘overwhelmed’ if you were properly leading her, ensuring effective time management is being implemented into the daily activities and preparation for the holidays. When you’re the man with the plan who gets everything to just fall into place, it doesn’t matter how hard you worked, act like ‘it just happened’. and she’ll take note.
You don’t do it for her, you do it because it has to be done, women notice this stuff.
As you get the kids pumped, the family laughing and smiling, and are viewed as the top dude during this festive time of year, your wife is going to be all over you. As a self-aware man you know that you don’t lead your family for sex, you lead your family because it is your job to be the the masculine presence.
The sex you receive is an entirely separate (yet related) non-negotiated aspect of marriage. She’ll be attracted to you because this time of year is one where people are happy, appreciative, and at times worried/stressed/overwhelmed/etc. yet your wife isn’t any of the negatives due to you, because you own your shit and keep her sane.
Hanging lights on the house won’t inspire attraction, but getting down, turning them all on, smiling while slapping her on the ass certainly will.
She doesn’t care how hard you work, you just have to make her feel like she has a “catch” and it’s on. You can showcase all of your talents in front of friends and family, thus providing her with the external validation she craves from others. You’re not the drunk lush on the coach, you’re the dude engaging people, making merry, and working kino everywhere. She will see the looks you get & respect you’re shown and if you play it right this will lead to some of the most merry nights of the winter;Â ‘Tis the season.
The lights, the sense of community, the feeling of giving and sharing, Christmas is a magical time of year. Enjoy it, don’t get so caught up in the consumer aspect of getting the best ‘thing’ you forget to immerse yourself in the joy and tranquility Christmas provides friends and family.
As a husband and fatherÂ you set the pace, it is your standard that others are going to meet. If you want your family to turn things around going into the new year, then set the mark and follow your own guidance.
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