There seems to be this notion on the manosphere that certain men in certain life situations are completely incapable of providing beneficial or constructive information.
I saw an engagement on Twitter between two men and it ended with one telling the other, “I’m not going to listen to your advice because you’re divorced”. Now, I’ll admit that divorced men have been the most ardent outspoken individuals against all things Family Alpha. It makes sense as these guys are divorced, they’ve experienced what happens when marriages fail and here I am talking about the heights men can reach while married but I’ve never written a man off because he was divorced.
My message acts as a mirror that reflects their failed performance in their marriage and possibly in choosing the wrong woman to marry from the onset.
- Who wants to admit they fucked up?
- Who wants to admit that they could have had the type of relationship they desired if they had only gone into their marriage fully aware of their masculine self and in control of the frame of the relationship?
It sucks, but I get it.
The second largest group who will challenge me on every point I make are the single guys who have been scorned by women. These guys are usually MGTOWS who are abstinent, which I think is completely ridiculous as men who ‘Go their own way’ should embrace who they are as men and that means their sexual desire as well.
I fully support men who are choosing to follow their passion & mission while paying no attention to women that are looking to get into a relationship. But god damn, you need to continue to have NSA relationships.
But men who completely cut women out of their life?
I find that to be a huge red flag to the total development of the masculine self. It’s just another form of repressing their masculinity and we have enough white knights and feminists working against our expression of self, we don’t need men telling other men to hold it in too.
Both of these groups, while they are completely at odds with my message, have solid information and life experiences that everyone, including myself could benefit from.
Everyone we run into in this life acts as an example of what to do or what not to do. Every conversation and interaction is an opportunity to learn something about another as well as something about our authentic ‘selves’.
If you say that divorced men cannot provide any valuable information to you in your marriage just because theirs failed, you are a pussy and you’re thinking like a child.
Don’t stomp your feet and say, “I’m not listening blah blah blah”.
The more men you cast away for not meeting your prerequisites of what qualifies one to provide advice the more you limit your sphere of information to where you only have those who agree with you talking; you’ll of created an echo chamber of yes men.
When you reach that point, the echo chamber acts as blinders preventing you from ever seeing reality. You’ll be stuck inside this little box you’ve created and that’s where you’ll stay until the fist of the real world cracks you across the jaw.
I’m a married man who does not promote marriage but rather helps those who are already married improve their standard of relationship with their ‘self’ and in turn this improves the relationship they have with their wife.
I could write a post on how men should lift to build their confidence and it would be met with conflict by some guys simply because I’m married. Not because of my information, but solely because I’m a married man and therefore I must be a cuck.
This is an absurd notion and it’s going to cost guys some seriously important moments in their life where they could have, if they listened, learned some life lessons that would have enabled them to raise their own standard to new heights.
For example: I had a conversation with a wicked fat dude about nutrition. He was a registered dietitian who knew his shit. He advocated for Paleo style eating and could talk micro/macro bulk/cut for days yet he was fat as shit. I asked him why he had so much extra weight if he knew how the body worked and how he could lose it. His answer was, ‘I get it, that doesn’t mean I follow it’ that was good enough for me, I didn’t press the issue.
My point is, I learned a lot from that dude. If I had taken the stance that because he was fat whatever he said about nutrition would be a waste of my time I never would have had the beneficial discussion that I had with him I never would have hung that Polaroid on my lifeline. We all need to stop shooting ourselves in the foot; give people the chance to prove their worth and if they’re whack-jobs then move along. But don’t discredit them before they’ve opened their mouth.
I know divorced men and MGTOWS who’ve taught me all sorts of excellent tidbits about embracing my masculinity and improving my marriage. I’m married with 2 kids, yet a MGTOW helped me with some parenting advice I’d asked for. I had a divorced guy explain how his marriage failed and steps I should take to avoid those pitfalls.
I could have easily written them off as failures and not the type of people I should be listening to. But I didn’t and because of that I had some valuable insight that improved my performance as a father, husband, and man.
I advise each of you to take a look at how you’ve been viewing your fellow man. Have you been immediately labeling married men as plugged in slaves? Have you looked at divorced men as failed leaders or MGTOWS as wastes of masculinity?
If so, you need to take a hard look at who you are as a man and ask yourself how quickly you could be written off. Life is short, you need to quickly decide on what good information is and what is bad. Don’t limit your chance for good information by discrediting the source before you even hear what they have to say.
We all walk our own path in this life, before you cut others out from walking the path next to you, hear them out and see what they have to say. Once you do that you can then judge them on the merit of their words and not the preconceived notion of who you think they are and what their worth is based on their relationship status.
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