Before the religious crowd grabs their pitch forks, I’m not advocating for divorce.
I know what divorce does to families; some of the stories I’ve heard from men who’ve been through the grinder of Divorce Corp/Family Law have left me sick to my & blood boiling.
The intent of my message is that while I do not promote getting divorced because one day things aren’t sunshine and rainbows, I do believe that a couple should remain together by choice, not obligation.
Listen, you would never advise a worker to sign a contract with a company stating that they would work a job no matter what.
Would you tell a person to stay true and do their duty even if:
- They were not being paid?
- It would lead to their literal suicide?
- They were getting beaten on the job?
Of course you wouldn’t, unless you were a complete psychopath.
Why the possibility of divorce is a “good” thing
I believe that the confidence of knowing that either party in a relationship could walk away and be okay is exactly what makes a marriage successful.
Knowing that you have to perform to keep your spouse’s eyes on you is an excellent motivator to prevent the complacent mindset brought on by familiarity from taking root.
When you continue to develop yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually you can’t help but grow as an individual and it is only when both husband and wife grow as individuals that they too can continue to grow as a couple.
How can a relationship remain exciting and fulfilling when you both sit at the table, where this is all that plays out, for moths:
- “How was your day?“
- “Anything new?“
This type of apathetic existence is a death sentence to attraction.
So when do you turn to the “D word”?
Divorce isn’t the first thing you turn to when you get into an argument or go through a dry spell sexually; husband and wife need to be aware that the relationship is not a guaranteed thing and there is an expectation that you pay to play.
- You pay through putting in effort with your wardrobe, inside the home and out.
- You put in effort when it comes to your hygiene, hobbies, frame, & mindset
- You make each-other a priority in the relationship and ensure there’s a healthy give and take.
When I say “you“, I don’t mean the man, I mean both husband and wife, if one isn’t putting in effort, so be it. Once one stops trying, the clock begins to you planning your exit.
Life is too short to spend it walking on eggshells “for the sake of the kids” or to live a miserably sexually repressed life.
A majority of marriages have two people who are under-fucked and over-critical; the understood point that divorce is an option should light a fire of motivation under their asses.
One of the reasons I have an enjoyable and satisfying marriage is because both my wife and I know it could be gone at any moment and if we want it to last, we both need to work to make it so.
You aren’t a failure for getting divorced
People change; marriage is taking a gamble that the person you’re linking your “life wagon” to is solid on the foundation level and it’s only the little things which will evolve as you two go through life together.
If you marry someone who has a cracked foundation, they may change who they are entirely, to the point where you find yourself thinking you don’t know who your spouse even is any longer.
Both husbands and wives have gone through this fire and somehow they are turned into the “bad guy” when in fact they’re the ones who remained true to their original path.
It’s unfortunate, but it happens and because it happens we need to de-stigmatize the label Divorcee.
Getting divorced may have been the only chance to getting back to living a life where they weren’t smothered, beaten, berated, or shamed daily.
To those in that situation, it’s better you reclaim an actual life and go through possible social chastisement than you walk on eggshells until you snap. Let people judge, so long as you can look at your reflection with pride you’ll be alright.
Divorce should not be a get out of jail free card, but it also should not be removed as an option to be used if absolutely needed.
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