Taking Back Father’s Day
I’m a big fan of the number 3, I like the balance to it. So, naturally when laying out the content for what was to become The Family Alpha I broke it into three categories:
These are the three areas that capture who I am and what I stand for, in that order.
I was a man before I was a husband, I was a husband before I was a father. Everything is built upon the foundation of my mental framework which was designed over the entire timeline of life itself. Masculinity is the software operating in every man’s mind and it is the foundation from which all other titles (son, brother, husband, father) are built upon.
This is my first piece aimed specifically at Father’s Day and more importantly, at catching fathers out there who are doing it right and giving them the slap on the back they deserve. In case you haven’t been paying attention, the active, present, dominant, and guiding father has become a rare breed and one society is actively working to degenerate into another buffoon daily.
This Father’s Day we’re going to see a lot of father bashing out there.
- We’ll see it through the passive aggressive “celebrate single mothers who can do both jobs“, thus praising single mothers over fathers on Father’s day.
- We’ll see it in the “call to action” for fathers to step up.
- We’ll see it on television where yet another father is portrayed as an overweight man-child who cannot dress himself without the help of his mommy-wife.
- We’ll see it in the narrative being spread that “if only fathers owned their responsibilities” we wouldn’t have this “toxic masculinity” crisis.
We’ll see it everywhere because our society has deemed men to be these tag-along oafs who are nothing more than another child the mother (wife) has to tend to. How many times have you heard a wife say to her husband something along the lines of, “I can’t leave you alone for a minute” as if her husband and the father of her children is somehow an incompetent fool that needs constant supervision to live?
Unfortunately, there are many who’ve succumb to this brainwashing and when staring into the Feminine Imperative supporting abyss, trying to figure out what they’re doing wrong, they became the exact bumbling idiot they once despised.
This piece isn’t to bash my fellow fathers (there’s already been plenty of that going around as covered by Dalrock) this piece is quite the contrary.
Today I want to talk about the many ways that we, as fathers, can continue to raise our standard and potentially save one of our proven fertile brothers in the process.
Presence > presents
Fathers are critical to the family unit, especially so for the optimal development of a child’s mind. Exposure to the masculine/feminine roles and differing parenting approaches are key for both sons and daughters to fully develop their minds as well as their character.
Fathers and mothers are equivalent, they are not equal and the difference of demeanor, responsibilities with regards to structuring day to day traditions, and delivery of discipline is what shapes the child’s mind for the rest of their lives. Too many men have been entirely removed from having any influential impact on their children and this has devastating effects for their future.
It is here that we can clearly see that your presence as a father is what is needed more than anything else you could provide.
Brothers, you are more than walking paychecks.
- The hours spent on the job.
- The fun you enjoy with your fellow man
- The dedication to your craft and hobbies
All of it must be moderated to ensure time is dedicated to those who need you the most. Your wife is an adult and is able to get time with you earlier and later in the day, working around the things you need to do but your children?
They need you during those prime hours like early in the morning before school, during dinner, and right after dinner before they go to bed.
Being a present father isn’t easy when you’re a man on a mission and that is exactly why I’m bringing attention to this first. We need to be present and not assume that our paychecks, food, roof over their head, and gifts are adequate substitutes for our physical presence and devoted attention.
There is nothing in the world a child needs more from you than your time, energy, and attention. I’ve written and spoken about it multiple times (Podcast on Fatherhood with Craig and Rollo) but to touch on the point again, there are many days where I come home from work dead tired and my kids run up to me for a hug then ask to play catch or get pushed on the swing.
I go in, kiss Mrs. Drew then I get out there, usually in my dress shirt and slacks and I play with them. That’s what is asked of you, to find energy when there is no energy, to simply will yourself to performing for their sake.
I’m not saying put your wife and children before yourself as you cannot self-sacrifice your way to happiness but rather that you learn to charge yourself mentally from these endeavors. After I play with my kids, I’m energized back up and ready to continue seizing the day.
Your role in the family is a critical one and there are many men out there who are divorced or are so focused on monetary growth they forget that the presents bought or money earned will not buy back the time lost.
Prioritize yourself, society may not want to admit it, but you matter and brothers I’m damn proud you are continuing to break free from their narrative. Not only are your experiences in life improving, but that of your wife and children will be more optimized as well.
There are others who are leading this same charge, recently I listened to a Podcast between Jordan Peterson and Warren Farrell PhD author of The Boy Crisis (https://amzn.to/2l3cWGl) where they discussed ‘The Absolute Necessity of Fathers‘ which was a great way to pass my commute as it made me feel as though I wasn’t the only one bringing light to our situation.
Unfortunately, as is oft the case when I think men are gaining ground in the mainstream, I’m experiencing confirmation bias due to what I see online.
On my Twitter timeline and inside the Fraternity of Excellence there are fathers who are absolutely getting after it day in and day out. I get pumped reading their stories and take that charged energy into the “real world” and immediately the ratio flips, a majority of fathers are failing in their duties.
Take a moment this Father’s Day to soak in what it is you have built. Your family may never say “thank you” and that’s OK, the burden of performance will always rest on our shoulders, we do not need recognition even on days dedicated to our title and role as being a father.
With that said, Thank You.
Thank you for choosing to be a beacon of hope to your fellow man, thank you for being a living example of what life looks like when lived authentically. You may never know it, but by breaking free from society’s narrative you are planting seeds in the minds of your fellow man and maybe, just maybe you’ll help them break free as well.
Once they break free their family will go through the same transition and as a result of your efforts another man’s children will begin to raise their standard of performance and the ripple effect will continue on.
Children need boundaries, boundaries which are consistently enforced. In fact, I think this is one of the main factors leading to Generation Soy’s existence. These kids are not used to being told “No“, they are offended by the fact that they have to work harder to get more or work at all to get anything. They’ve been raised by technology and “disciplined” by society; nobody ever sat down with them and explained how reality worked and what the consequences were for crossing the line.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve spanked my children. I have an 8 year old boy and 5 year old girl and they are the most squared away kids I know. Are they kids who make a mess, cop an attitude, and sometimes do what they know is wrong?
Are they tyrants who argue with my wife and I, throw tantrums to get what they want, and are living a life of entitled mediocrity?
My children do not know why parents “count down from 3“, they have no clue what that even means because in our home, if you’re told to do something you do it, immediately.
My children are both top students in their respective grades; not because my wife and I are high IQ individuals and therefore our kids inherited the gift of picking up quickly, it’s not that at all. Mrs. Drew and I are of average intelligence and both had to study hard to get our degrees.
Our children are top performers because my lady and I made school a priority. We don’t allow the bullshit mantra society promotes as school being a bore and something that is a waste of time. In fact, their schooling is supplemental to the schooling we do at home. Our kids have to do their homework before they do anything else, they also see me studying constantly.
This is one of the reasons they prioritize their work in school, because they see their parents doing it. It’s the same concept as to why I ensure my kids see me reading.
When it comes to your children, make sure that you are in control of the framework from which their decisions are based: What Would Dad Do? is a good test for them to run decisions through.
The trick here, whether looking to improve your child’s focus, attention, discipline, school work, reading, math, temper, etc. is that you are always consistent with your behaviors.
It simply can’t be that some days you care if they do homework and other days you don’t.
You need to give enough of a shit to be all in with what takes priority or all out, there is no moderately comfortable middle ground for you to rest on the days where you want to be lazy.
As the father, more than likely you are the main disciplinarian, so your wife is going to be following your lead with raising them and enforcing boundaries as well. So long as you are consistent, she will be too.
This is another reason that you need to share your vision with your wife. You need to make sure that your woman, their mother, is aware of why you are doing the things you do and how important it is that the two of you display a united front.
My kids don’t do the “I’m going to ask mom” bullshit after I’ve given them an answer they did not particularly like because they know not only will she give the same answer, but also she’ll tell me that they asked her after I gave an answer and now they’re in trouble.
Trust me, they’ve tried it and learned their lesson – that stopped quick.
Being An Infinite Source of Energy
This father’s day I want you to embrace the role you are in.
You’ve created life and now you have men/women “to be” growing before your eyes. You get to see the raw masculine or raw feminine, or in my case both develop before your very eyes. You get to lead them to greater heights than you currently know exist because you are armed with more resources, technology, and knowledge than your ancestors ever had.
This is not an opportunity for you to “do it again” and live vicariously but rather for you to shift your roles and become the guide.
Do not get so caught up in keeping up with the Jones’s that you forget to stop and enjoy the ride. I said it earlier, life is about more than material possessions; you are more than a walking paycheck.
While being the disciplinarian do not forget to share that boyish charm and to get out there and play with your kids. Do not look to society to support you or even respect the fact that you are having your child write you book reports or that you are running around in the rain splashing in puddles, your brethren get it and that should be all that matters.
If you’re reading this, you’ve likely already followed the steps and for that, again, thank you.
Most will say it tongue in cheek, following it up with something about women or mothers but not me. This Father’s Day is for the men who have reproduced and refused to allow their children to become their excuse for mediocre living.
Pass on the knowledge to your children and ensure they avoid the pitfalls you fell into while coming up in the world.
Today is your day, soak it in and embrace your role.
You are a father and nobody, no matter how hard men and women want to say the role can be filled by a single woman or male personality online, nobody can fill the role of a father.
Acta Non Verba,
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