How Removing Distractions Can Make You a Better Husband, Father, & Friend
Men are struggling to maximize their relationships.
The problem I’ve discovered over the years is that these men have forgotten what exactly they’re supposed to be bringing to the relationship. It’s like when you’re invited to a cookout and someone says, “Just bring whatever you want” you’re left there wondering:
- Do they need something?
- What do I want to bring?
- Do I even need to bring anything?
It’s in this last question that we’re seeing the worst of issues.
Men are crushing it in their place of work and might be enjoying the time they spend with the online group they’ve found themselves associating with, yet for whatever reason they can’t translate their value and voice from those outer endeavors to their inner-network.
They don’t know what they’re supposed to bring to the relationships in the real world.
Your Family and Friends don’t see the gains made at the job or on Reddit, Twitter, Etc. so we need to get you asserted back into a position of connection and value in those relationships.
A well-timed Meme, Tweet, or snarky response can get you clout in the electronic world; that’s not what’s needed in your real life.
You Need to Connect to Your Wife to Relate to Her
One of the reasons you and your lady aren’t getting along like you used to is because the two of you have gone from “Us Against the World” to “Comfortable routine you do your thing and I’ll do mine…“
- She is scrolling her phone looking at the highlight reel of everyone else’s lives while pissed at the stress of the kids.
- You’re too busy talking about GameStop, Stocks, Politic Injustices, and Crypto to know what she’s really saying.
Neither of you are on the same page and if you’re looking to have a marriage which lasts, you’re going to have to step up, grab the helm, and change the course your ship is headed or you’ll be smashed up on the rocks of Divorce or living in a dead-bedroom situation filled with resentment real soon.
A thriving marriage does not happen spontaneously, it takes direct effort and actions by the two adults involved.
That means you need to be able to do what you do online while prioritizing your woman as well. Sure, you may be aware that there are some financial moves to be made in crypto or the stock market but take my lead on this:
Make your moves and don’t talk to anyone about it.
It’s totally acceptable for you to stack crypto, move stocks, jump on the rockets, and set your limits to get off them making you good money without spending hours talking about how you’re doing it, why you’re doing it, or the grand impact it will have.
Make your money then close the computer or put the phone away and re-engage with your woman.
You’ll find quickly once you break the habit of spending hours and hours talking, tweeting, and conspiring with Redditors that you’ve got a lot more time to go out into the world and experience it.
Time with your wife should not be you on a tablet, her on a phone, or the two of you sitting with a TV taking your attention away from one another.
Grab a new board game from Target, get some playing cards, or create your own Paint Night.
Do something together that has you actually engaging one another.
Once you can tap into the pitchforks being put away and the two of you talking like normal adults, you’ll remember why you got married in the first place.
You’ll start to notice her smell again, the way she bites her lip, the laugh she has, or her smile.
All of the things you’ve been overlooking because your bran is somewhere else whenever you’re with her, it will come back. Just like me with booze, when the alcohol was removed, I started to feel awake and alive again.
You have to stop worrying about keeping up with the entire world and when you can do that you’ll find you’ve got the entire world within your home; you just couldn’t see it.
You’ll begin to relate to your woman again once the two of you strip the distractions away, go through that electronic withdrawal together (don’t be surprised at pushback initially) then you’ll start to look out for one another and look forward to seeing each-other again.
Before you know it, you’re back in your groove and it isn’t at the cost of online growth.
You can still stack chips, talk shit, and get info but now you’re doing it in a controlled manner and not consuming for the sake of consumption; get what you need, move, get out – Win.
You Shouldn’t Be Annoyed With Your Kids
Our children aren’t inconveniences to our lives; if you do feel that way about your child, I feel sorry for you.
Our kids are innocent beings brought into this world by us, their parents. At no point did they ask for this life, it was our choice to have sex which brought them into the world and from that moment, their life become our responsibility.
What a shame it would be for you to create a life only to drop it off to be raised by others when you go to work and then plugged into a screen (Tablet, TV, Phone, Video Game System) to be distracted and quiet when finally home so as to not bother you.
Your children are deserving of more than what’s left of you after your job and the internet get the best of you…
You need to foster a relationship with your children which is conducive to the both of you becoming better off thanks to your interactions. What I’m saying here is that you need to make your children a part of your life, not the entire point of it.
No man would be at his best if he were 100% focused on being the best dad.
The best fathers are selfish at times and that’s because they know the value they build within themselves will eventually be transferred to the children.
You don’t have to lose your hobbies and passions because you have kids; the best scenario is that you make those kids a part of your hobby. The true issue here is that men will go to their 9-5 then they will spend 5 hours at home on their laptop or phone “researching” or “tracking the market” and their hobby is actually nothing more than redundant scrolling without progress…
If you spend significant time on your phone or your computer and you don’t have obvious stacks of cash or improvement to your physique, your system is broken.
I spend a lot of time writing and recording at my computer. I use the money I make and connections I have to get my mind, body, spirit, and bank account stronger.
- I don’t tweet for the sake of tweeting.
- I don’t scroll for hours on my cellphone.
- I don’t get high on my supply of online info.
I want to make my real world better than anything the online world can offer and a better connection with my kids is a part of that.
It’s on us as men to take the information learned online and apply it to our lives life to getting some tangible benefits from it.
You’ve had ample time to research, see what’s wrong with the world, and know that nobody is coming to save you (us).
Start making moves and stop talking/typing.
Start letting your kids into your world and teaching them about why you are the way you are. Instead of telling them not to worry about what you’re watching or researching, tell them and begin to educate them so they better understand the world they’re operating in and how they can best make decisions when you aren’t around.
There’s no reason that you and your children cannot find middle ground to ensure the relationship is one which is positive and beneficial to both parent and child.
Your kids want you in their life, so go out and create memories with them.
Get off the screen and get out in the world together.
Don’t be the dad who wrote 15,000 words on getting active, preparing, and managing money this month only to have spent zero hours working out with your kids, making any money with them, or learning survival skills together.
Your children are a higher priority than your distractions.
What Do You Bring to Your Friendships?
When you see your friends and they ask, “What’s new?” do you have an answer besides, “Nothing“?
Few can give an honest “Yes” here.
You need to stop letting your distractions keep you from taking actions.
What do you bring to your friendships?
Really let yourself reflect on that; do you bring any value whatsoever to the men or women in your crew? Do you have any value within which you bring to the table when it comes to self-improvement/development?
Is your presence one which elevates those around you either professionally or personally?
What is it that you do which makes you a friend worth keeping?
Or on the flip side, have all of your distractions prevented you from becoming anything more than the dudes who has that day’s “hot take” from Twitter or Reddit?
Are you anything more than a living version of what’s trending on social media?
Friends need someone of value in their life and they need to offer value in return, that’s what friendship is. One person is offering trusted value or connection and in that a mutual appreciation develops. If you’re looking around your group thinking, “What do I bring to them?” you’re likely headed towards losing them.
Not all friendships are meant to last forever and people who have no value but electronic outrage or day to day complaints are left behind quick.
There’s always the possibility that you find yourself around others who are the same and when that happens, you’re fucked because your friendships become focused around doubling-down on what brought you to a point of no value provided in the first place.
You don’t want to be surrounded by people who talk about the business they’re going to create every time they’re drunk and then take zero action the next morning…
Only to talk of their big plans, investment ideas, etc. the next time you’re drinking together.
You need friends who do and the only way to associate with those who do is to become a man who does things.
You need to start taking action in your life, you need to continue to have hobbies and go on adventures, you need to grow and improve as a human on this planet.
We aren’t meant to be stagnant creatures.
From the day I write this blog post to any point after it I will have plenty of adventures to talk to you about.
Muay Thai tonight, Crypto investments after that, checking stocks periodically, and lifting, video group chat in FoE, FoE event coming up, family vacation after that…
I don’t talk about these things too often because they aren’t for the military world. I do me and I use the internet to improve my life and friendships, I’m not a tool to be used by social media.
Acta Non Verba,
Your support of my work allows me to continue creating content while leading my family and helping men take responsibility for the direction of their lives again.
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