How to be a better parent than your parents were.
Not everyone was raised in a stable home filled with light, love, and peace.
Many parents and expecting parents come from the opposite and want to be better than their parents were and these new parents or parents to be are terrified of repeating their hell.
This piece touches on how you can break the cycle and end the pain with you, thus saving your children the fate you suffered.
- Your mom or dad beat you; that doesn’t mean you need to hit your kids.
- You’re an addict; that doesn’t mean your offspring needs to suffer as well.
- You bankrupt your family; the children don’t need that fear of funds placed on their shoulders.
- You were used you as a pawn in their divorce; that is no excuse for a lack of presence in the child’s life.
- Your parents never told you they loved you; that doesn’t mean your children don’t need to hear that phrase of affection leave your lips.
How To Fix Yourself?
Your issues from childhood need to be dealt with, period.
Unfortunately, nobody can do that work but you. It may be a harsh truth, but the reality of the situation is, others can only assist from the outside and the repair you need to do has to happen within.
I know this is uncomfortable and it’s literally coming from a blog post, but this could be the greatest action you take in your life; finally dropping the anchor on your heart, mind, and soul thus allowing yourself to truly live your life is but a single choice away…
How can you do this?
Call your mother or father and have the conversation, in person would be best.
It’s here that I want you to just say it all, empty your heart and soul out keeping at the forefront of your mind that this is for you, not them. They do not have to accept responsibility or apologize; they just need to know where you stand and what you’ve been carrying.
Once you do that it’s time to fix you habits, behaviors, demeanor, and importantly the example you’re setting for others.
You need to face the people who jacked you up and you have to clean out the skeletons; if you don’t, you’ll continue driving through life on flat tires…
ultimately, your inability to face whatever it is that caused you to be living the life you’re trapped in is exactly what’s going to cause you to pass that type of life onto those you care about most.
You must face the anchors in your life head on…
How To Better Raise Your Kids
Your children do not need to go another day dealing with your broken self.
- They don’t need to see you drunk because that’s how you saw your father.
- They don’t need you yelling at them because you don’t know how to properly deal with stress.
- They don’t need to feel like their every ask (and existence) makes them a burden because you’re at your wits end dealing with your wife, bills, and an unhealthy lifestyle.
Speak to your children like the adults they will become and treat them the same.
I follow the advice that I give, an example of above from my life…
Recently I was listening to Annie Grace on the ‘This Naked Mind‘ podcast via headphones while working around the house; the podcast is one which is focused on overcoming addiction to alcohol.
Well, I had plans to go to the gun range with the boyo, so we headed out and when I hopped in the truck and plugged my phone in to charge, the podcast automatically kicked on to the speakers in the vehicle.
What did I do?
I left it on while I drove my son and I across town to the range…and he asked me a million questions:
- What’s addiction?
- Were you addicted?
- Why do people like alcohol so much?
- I think I’ll only have alcohol when I win a World Series and it will be champagne (Alright, not a question but a statement I thought was funny and found worth sharing).
I was open with him about my struggle and how I got to the point I’m at; reminder that he’s only 11 years old.
The way I see it, I could have hidden this “adult conversation” from his young ears and saved myself the uncomfortable questions and critique of who I was…or I could talk to him like the man he is becoming before my eyes and show him another piece of the greater world he’s yet to explore.
That conversation in the truck was my way of introducing the concept of alcohol and addiction and I was able to do it in a controlled manner, not via him finding out in a friend’s basement with a bottle of Wild Turkey being passed around.
I think it’s safe to assume that we all want our children to become functional adults and if that’s the case, then we need to show them what “Adulting” looks like before we send them on their own at 18. We need to show that part of being an adult is handling your shit and aligning your life goals with your life experience, which sometimes requires facing where it is that you’re the weakest.
This goes for everything.
Break the cycle by bringing the fears you have and habits you’ve developed into the light to be judged by all. Save your children by sharing with them the obstacles you’ve faced and what you did to see it through.
I had to overcome alcoholism because I didn’t want my children to carry this burden. It’s not that my choice will save them from ever facing this type of an issue, but I hope to have served as an example that it can be done, and that life isn’t about perfection but rather learning to find positivity in even the pitfalls and missteps in life.
I had to overcome a lot…
and I did because I have a duty to myself, my family, and my friends…
You do too, so drop the excuses and face the music, if you don’t your children will find themselves stuck in the same hole you dug yourself into.
Break. The. Cycle.
If you want to fix yourself and save your children or future children, you’re going to have to do things you may not want to do, that’s okay.
You may not enjoy the conflict, but fixing it now allows you finally fill the cracks that were in your Foundation of Self and once you do that, you can build your kingdom which lasts. You can finally look at yourself and see that just because you had to go through trials and challenges, that doesn’t mean you have to repeat the cycle.
Your parent’s DNA is inside you, but your soul is 100% yours and it’s as unique to you as your fingerprint. You have one life on this spinning rock, it’s past time you grabbed the steering wheel and took ownership of where the rest of your days are headed.
Cut the anchors,
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