Lifting is step #1 towards reclaiming masculinity

Men Being Men

If you don’t believe in you, then why should your family?

If you’ve decided that you’re going to take back your masculinity, own your shit, and lead your family, then you need to start lifting weights.

Don’t give an excuse as to why this is something which can be avoided, worked around, or cut out completely as you’re bullshitting yourself and you know it.

Before you start throwing around AWALT, Dread, and deciding to have a ‘Coming to Christ‘ moment with your wife (which I have said time and again is a bad idea) you need to get your fitness in check.

I believe that your actions should do all of the talking. You don’t just sit your wife down and act like a Somali pirate saying, “Look at me, I’m the captain now” that’s rediculous and your wife will laugh in your face. How many times have you said that to her before?

You don’t just ‘become’ a leader, you earn it.

Fitness is the first brick we are laying in the foundation from which you are building the ‘new you‘. The reason for that is strength training provides the most immediate effect on your psyche. Simply put, the iron doesn’t lie.

You will immediately learn a few things when you lift:

  1. The King is alone, heavy is the head that wears the crown. If you don’t have a limitless reserve of confidence in yourself, you’re going to crumble and end up exactly where you were before, a weak provider who doesn’t believe in himself and is therefore respected by none. You don’t want that, neither do I.
  2. You’re weak. You may think it is acceptable that you’ve put on a few pounds as your married and that’s what happens right? You have to be a physical presence for yourself, your family, and for society to even give you a notice. Dread only works if your wife views you as a man who can get other women. Women know women, they know that nobody is checking out the dad with a white shirt showing under his polo and stained khakis that have his stomach spilling over the belt.
  3. Lifting kills the desire for instant gratification. This venture takes time and that patience and diligence will carry over to the other aspects of your life. Learn to calm the down and take your time.

Do it right, not fast.

Again, the Iron doesn’t lie, either you can lift it or you can’t there is no place for rationalizing it away.

Are you strong enough?

Yes or No?


The confidence that you will gain through your relationship with the iron will lead to a newly found believe in your sense of self. You will know your body more intimately than ever before.

You will know what you are capable of and the strength you are developing will be noticed by those around you. If you want to be a man women want then you need to have a body they’ll notice.

Forget what women say, watch their actions as it’s what they do that truly matters.

If your wife says she hates ‘muscular men’, what she is actually saying is there is no way she would have married a loser and the reason you aren’t muscular is because she doesn’t like that. It saves her own ego and if you understand women’s solipsistic nature, this is an obvious example.

The next time you have sex after packing on some mass from lifting, watch as she grabs those hard triceps, holds onto your lats, or keeps touching your abs. The chick who ‘didn’t like muscles‘ is all about the new muscles you’ve built.

As for the instant gratification, the commitment needed to enter the gym day in and day out is fitness for your mind.

You develop more self-discipline and remove the instant gratification that plagues many ‘men’ out there. The simple act of going to the gym is, in itself, improving yourself.

It also gets you away from your wife, developing your own life separate from her’s. My wife and I have a life together, but we also have lives apart. It keeps us from becoming needy, dependent, or desensitized to one another.

At this point it seems like a good time to ask the question.

Are you working out as hard as you can? Are you lying in bed at night thinking ‘Tomorrow I will take action and start working towards removing this flab’ then waking up and not making any progress towards that goal?

You are a man, act like it.

Embrace the pain of lifting and recognize the physical pain your feel now is nothing compared to the pain you experience when you know your wife is not attracted to you, does not respect you, and eyes other men.

The simple fact of life is, you cannot come at your wife from a position of power if you are winded walking to the bedroom to have the discussion.

I’ve held several discussions with men who say, “I’m not building attraction / Dread isn’t working / We still aren’t having sex yet” and instead of viewing this to be the consequences of poor application and accepting responsibility, they blame ‘The Red Pill‘. not being accurate, my writing not being true, or the ‘manosphere’ as a whole as something which spouts BS theories.

Yet, when the question of Do you even lift Bro? is asked, the answer is almost always a long winded adventure that could be summarized as NO.

You must lift heavy weights and you must build that sense of self-satisfaction in the gym. When you hit that PR you will think, ‘I did that through hard work’, then you’ll realize that the same dedication needs to be applied to every facet of your life.

Hard work pays off.

Another important note is that it isn’t “motivation” that you need, it’s self-discipline.

Harnessing the two is the most optimal way to reach goal accomplishment.

Motivation burns like a match, Hot & Fast. You can get it from a speech or a YouTube video, but it doesn’t translate well to self-improvement. You will only make progress when you take that match of motivation and use it to light the ‘Log of Discipline’.

Fun Fact: Fit People Have More Fun

Fun Fact: Fit People Have More Fun

Stop living in denial and thinking that being 30lbs overweight is normal or in any way acceptable. Being a dad does not mean you should be rocking a beer gut; you need to be strong and in shape, there’s no excuse for your lack of vascularity or zero indication of having abdominal muscles, that’s just laziness.

When I see weak dadbods at the beach I am reminded that the reason there is such a shitty stereotype for married men is because of these fucks who let themselves go.

You want to know the real reason your wife cheats or won’t have sex with you?

It’s because you’re pathetic and there are better men who deserve her attraction and attention. This truth is a bitter one, but your girl will go out of her way to have sex with you if you’re a high value man and there are no high value men that don’t have their physical fitness on point.

Even rich dudes who are fat get cheated on. Want your marriage to be ‘successful’ and last?

Lift heavy weights.


Do you realize that your wife watches what you do?

If you are repeatedly making excuses as to why you aren’t in shape, she views you as a weakling, whether consciously or subconsciously it makes no difference as this perception will alter her behaviors towards you.

If you want to reclaim your masculinity and improve your marriage, then you need to stop rationalizing the iron away and get your ass in shape. Only then will the rest of the benefits of being a masculine Family Alpha fall into place.

Set the example for your wife, kids, and other men to follow. Be the standard from which excellence will be measured. The better you look the harder every other man will have to try to get your woman’s attention.

Acta Non Verba,

Hunter Drew

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  • Boom says:

    This is good shit, man. Keep up the good work.

  • Omega Man says:

    This is excellent advice. Hopefully more men will read this and heed the lessons.

    My wife also told me that she doesn’t like guys with muscles. What I found humorous was that when I first asked her out, I was indeed lifting (a lot) and driving a Corvette. I don’t think I would have had a chance with her had I not been lifting in the first place.

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  • JT Hunter says:

    Excellent article. More proof that one needs to watch what a woman does and pretty much completely ignore what they say they want.

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  • Akash Kumar says:

    Family is not where real manhood resides. Family and marriage is a compromise with real natural manhood. You can only po

  • Ryan Deleon says:

    Great Article Hunter, I just purchased your book and I am finding your blog very refreshing, even though i’m young in my 20s and single, it still applies, i’m in the gym hitting the iron 6 days a week like clock work, my friend asked me the other day, “Where do you get your agility?” I told him 5 days a week of cardio, he took a big gulp and proceeded to pretend like he wanted to make a change. They never do, because it requires everything you spoke about in points 1. 2. and 3. and this upsets and causes most people to faulter…we are men damnit, and we should act like them. Kudos Brother, Ryan

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  • Jim says:

    Just found this blog and just read this blogpost … great stuff man. Do you have a blog post on a lifting regimen you recommend? Do you recommend sticking with the compound movements with heavy weights (deadlifts, squats, etc)? Thanks for your help.

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