Altruism has been deemed the “Ultimate Virtue” by individuals who seek neither responsibility for their life nor expectations of action at their feet.
The principles of your life and decision making process cannot be out-sourced to pseudo concern for the happiness of other people;
Quitting all of your hobbies to be a “good” husband and father or allowing mainstream media’s onslaught of race, gender, and class issues to cause personal grief does not make you a better man.
It’s okay to say that you’re looking out for you and yours; in fact, making yourself a priority is the best example you can set for your family and ultimately it will put you in a position to where you really can give your greatest self to those you love most.
Making yourself a priority does not have to come at the expense of others, you choose the impact, don’t default to self = bad.
Being Unable to Leave Your Family is a Problem
Some men will read this and think, “Good men make their family their top priority” and there is merit to the point as family men should make their family a priority…
But let’s not allow any “Nice Guy” tendencies to bleed into our message.
I said being unable to leave your family shouldn’t be a problem and in no way does that imply, do what you want at the expense of your family.
Unfortunately, men go straight to the absolute worst interpretation of messages like these because it serves their lack of action with an air of superiority.
Your family is a part of your life, not the point of it.
Making yourself a priority and putting yourself in a position to develop as an individual is one of the single greatest actions you can take as a husband, father, and ultimately as a man.
Every time I go on one of my adventures such as speaking at the 21 Convention, leading a Fraternity of Excellence meetup, or as was the case recently going on a hunting trip, I always come back a better person than I was before.
I come back wit a renewed passion and vigor for life.
I come home with stories and lessons learned to share with the wife and kids. My return to the family and home is something which brings positivity, light, and purpose to the family.
I know some men who go on vacations or “out with the bros” and they return in a worse mindset than they were in when they left. This is why they get the notion that getting away is a bad thing, they aren’t doing it right.
When you do something for yourself, it should be to improve your mindset and understanding of self; at no point should you be going out only to loathe your return to the family unit or have more chaos in your mind than before.
Intentional Solitude Is a Form of Therapy
Getting out into the world alone has become a rarity in this day and age.
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I know this because I’ve been caught in the trap with the rest of you. It wasn’t until I recently went on a hunting trip that I realized how many distractions I’m faced with every single day.
While I was alone in the middle of the woods waiting for something to shoot my mind started racing to this topic and then that one, eventually it started to settle down and that’s when I found myself overwhelmed with a sense of…calm.
I could hear my inner-self loud and clear, the voice in my head wasn’t yelling, it was just there.
Once I was able to overcome the deafening silence, appreciate the still, and hear the voice in my mind I finally heard the things I’d always known yet couldn’t face because the sound was always filled with static.
Going on that trip was the first time I’d been alone and distraction free with my thoughts in years.
Not fleeting thoughts, but deep diving.
You Have to Have Solo Goals
That speech isn’t about the men in the arena, the team in the arena, or the family in the arena…
It’s about the man, the individual, the solo soul with a fire inside facing whatever odds stand before it.
Life is about you going at it alone and you’ll never be able to go out there and slay the dragons before you if you never get out there…
You need to do things by yourself.
TFA PODCAST: Go Ahead, Be Selfish
As a husband and father, you have lives that you’re responsible for but in no way does that excuse you from the responsibilities you have to yourself.
For those who are uncomfortable getting after goals alone, your friends and family are acting as crutches, keeping you from ever strengthening your legs to being strong enough to become your own man.
I recently signed up for Muay Thai classes and in those classes, while it’s a group of us training together, I’m there as the lone representative of my clan. My wife and kids aren’t around, it’s just me training and working to improve my capabilities.
When I speak at conventions or lead FoE events it’s me, on my own, ready to face whatever pops up during travel, interactions, and delivery of the message; there’s no family to lean on and make a part of the process, there’s just me and the men I associate with.
You need to set goals and have objectives in your life that you have to achieve on your own. If you don’t, how do you know you’ve got what it takes if/when you find yourself riding solo and are challenged?
Performance is not a magical ability that will appear when needed, it’s a muscle that needs to be trained, frequently.
Your life experience is on your shoulders and for you to avoid preventable suffering, pain, and embarrassment you need to prepare yourself to handling more and more scenarios which could be thrown your way.
Having a family doesn’t remove you from the game, if anything, it puts greater challenges for you to navigate while moving your piece forward along the board.
Acta Non Verba,
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Thank you to those who do, your support of my work allows me to continue doing what I love while leading my family and helping men and women take responsibility for the direction of their life again.