Sex & Marriage

Replace ‘Love‘ with ‘Sex‘ and you’ve got a more accurate picture of what is needed for a healthy marriage.

One of the most important questions that is asked when assessing a man’s marriage is: what is the quality and frequency of sex you are having with your wife.

  1. Is it nightly?
  2. Is she laying there like a dead fish (or more popularly is she assuming the ‘starfish’ position where she just lays with arms and legs spread)?
  3. Is it high quality?
  4. Is that awesome Pornstar sex more than once a month?
  5. Is it right after she comes off her period?

You can tell a lot about how two individuals feel towards one another by the answers to these questions. I’d go so far as to say you could tell 80% of the marriages issues right then and there.

When a man comes to me via email or Twitter and presents his case, wondering what he could have possibly done wrong and what he can do to fix it, the answer usually sends him away  never to return as he mumbles, “Nope, they’re misogynistic assholes.”

What is it that I say which leads them to forming this opinion?

I tell him the truth

I tell him that his sex life is shit because of him. I open his eyes to the fact that he is the problem. If he could swallow his pride and get over that fact, he’d learn that he is also the solution.


There is no 'place' a woman won't fuck you if she wants you bad enough.

There is no place a woman won’t have sex with you if she wants you bad enough.

It has been discussed to death that women will do anything to have sex with a high value man that they desire. For single, masculine men this point can be proven quite easily.

Look at a girl who wants to fuck you and put some obstacles in her way. Maybe you tell her you don’t have time, can’t make it to her place, your family is over, or that you aren’t feeling well.

If she is attracted and desires you enough she will tell you that you can make it a quickie and leave, or that she’ll drive to you, that she’ll be discreet and quiet, or that she will just suck your cock so she doesn’t catch your cold.

Gentlemen, I tell you this from experience, if she wants you, she will do whatever it takes to get it.

Isn’t this the FAMILY ALPHA?!

Yes, you’re married and it’s a little different when dealing with a women whom you literally see everyday.

You need to recognize that your woman is a woman and will act just like every other woman out there. She is driven by the same primal lust that all women have for a masculine male they find desirable, AWALT. You are not married to some snowflake who has no desire for sex or a “low libido”. The fact of the matter is, if you’re not getting the quality or frequency of sex you feel you ‘deserve’, it’s because she simply doesn’t find you attractive or desirable.

You don’t deserve high quality sex just because she is your wife, the attraction is non-negotiable and cannot be expected through contract or vows. The fact of the matter is, some husbands are more worthy of sex than others. Right now, you don’t ‘deserve’ the slut that is your wife.

Is sex really that important in marriage?

I will put it this way, if you are not having sex with your wife daily or at the minimum 4x’s a week, you’re not getting as much as you could.

Maybe you want less, that’s fine and on you.

To me, I enjoy sex, my wife enjoys sex, and we have it, a lot. The subject has a sort of “taboo” associated with it and that is something you need to remove. In my post,Creating Your Slut I discuss the steps needed to foster an environment which supports your wife to give in to her true, uninhibited sexual nature.

TL;DR: It starts with you.

Happy & Healthy Marriages are Sex Filled Marriages

Happy & Healthy Marriages are Sex Filled Marriages

Do you know what keeps you and your wife from “Co-parenting” or acting like best friends/roommates?


Sex is the linchpin that prevents a relationship from falling victim to complacency and a blurring of the masculine and feminine. If you are consistently laying game, kino, and ensuring your physique is top notch and you’re having quality sex frequently your wife will have her eyes on you, she’ll be holding herself to your standard, and there won’t be that routine & stale atmosphere that marriages are prone to create.

Have you ever visited your parents, married friends & family, or gone to a party where married couples were together? If you have, look back on these moments and remember how the couples interacted.

I’ll provide a few stereotypes for you.

  • The couple that is well off financially that tell you life is grand, yet there is tension between the two that could be cut with a knife. Their smiles are fake, their laughs are fake, and their desire to be away from the each other is high. Often times this couple ends up drinking too much as they are trying to numb their emotions and the nightmare that has become their life.
  • The couple that outright despise one another and will openly talk shit about the others health and all the things wrong with them. It’s usually awkward and you have to make a fake laugh and come up with some reason to leave as things go south. Board games are a no go and vacations are to be avoided. The resentment between the two seems to be the glue that holds them together. They feel there is no option but to remain together even though every minute together is agonizing. Most of these couples are out of shape and only smile when discussing the “times before marriage“.
  • The couple that are overly ‘lovey’ to one another. The affection is false as they are trying to appear sweet to one another, yet underneath these behaviors are self interests and often a sea of self resentment. The husband may call the wife ‘boss’ and say,, “Looks like I’ll be on the couch/in the doghouse” if he does anything without permission. On the other side, the wife will view the husband with disdain and see him as just another child she has to care for.

In all of these examples, the couples are not fucking.

Their sex life is subpar and it is clear by all of those who paying attention. I think of stuff like this, so I’m that guy when dealing with people and while they don’t know it, I am analyzing and laying little experiments the entire time we’re together. The next time you’re in this type of scenario, do the same.

Observe the couple, say something to the wife you know the husband would never say.

Then watch as she laughs at you while she would have snarled at him. It’s because she could see herself having sex with you, she sees you as a masculine man and she sees her man as a child.

I Love my wife, and she loves me we allow each other to fill our roles and that's the only way a healthy marriage can be maintained.

Grab your wife the next time you’re out, bring her to a secluded room (preferably one that is ‘off limits’ and kiss her long and hard, then walk away – Just to remind her

People can say that it isn’t ‘all about sex’ and I agree.

But, if you want a healthy & happy marriage, then sex needs to be put towards the top of your priority list. If it just isn’t happening, the problem isn’t your wife, it’s you. Take a hard look at who and where you are in your life. Maybe it’s your physique (fuck the DadBod) or maybe it’s your personality (learn some game & kino) the ownership is on you, so make it happen.

Acta Non Verba,

Hunter Drew

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  • Angryguy77 says:

    To an extent, you’re right to say it’s the man’s fault. But this not always the case.

    A woman can be holding out on you because she’s punishing you. Until she releases that anger, no amount of game or anything else is going to get her into bed with you. You can be alpha until the sun goes down, it will not make a bit of difference if she’s convinced herself to ration sex. Sure you can get sex, but it’s not of the variety you describe.

    I applaud your ability to get your wife to have the kind of sex you have. But I can assure you, it is her making the decision, just as much as it is what you do. You lucked out having a sexual wife that was open to do things deep down. I’ve read a lot of different stories about sexless marriages. When you’re with someone who has a low drive, the only way they will have the type of sex you describe is if THEM decide to. You will not convince them otherwise. You can only give them reasons to flip the switch.

    I know this because my wife used to be like this. I was not beta by any means. We didn’t start having more and better sex until the bell rang in her head and she figured it was in her best interest to do so. I didn’t just magically give her a reason to have sex. All I did was not give in and accept a terrible sex life. It took 14 years for her to come around.

    • TheFamilyAlpha says:

      I know nothing of you or her so I cannot comment on why it should not have taken 14 years.

      I’m glad you solved the issue.

      • Angryguy77 says:

        Btw, I want to clear this up that what I said wasn’t a criticism of what you had to say or the beliefs you subscribe to. So far from what I’ve read here, I’m 99% in agreement with.

        When I get to my pc I can give a little.more detail.

      • Angryguy77 says:

        Ok, so I lived in a marriage where sex was rationed. It happened once every 10-14 days on average for, as I mentioned, about 14 years. Sure that’s better than what a lot of other guys get, but it wasn’t enough for what I needed, nor was it anything but of the vanilla variety.

        I didn’t matter what approach I took. Trust me, after 14 years of living this life, I had ample time to implement every strategy I could. I read numerous stories, blogs, and the only thing I learned was I was not alone. A site I had spent a lot of time on had over 20k members and there were literally a handful of people who experienced their marriage turning around. Most were stuck in limbo with the only hope of a sexlife being fixed was through divorce. You would be shocked at the amount of women there were that were living the same life as I. Their husbands wanted nothing to do with them. Some people, just don’t have the drive and are too selfish to give their spouse what they need. It doesn’t matter how much hurt they see they are causing, they just don’t care and rationalize why they are justified in routinely refusing their spouse. What a lot of refusers do will tell their spouse if you only did more of “x” I would jump in bed with you. Once “x” is met, then they create another goal for the poor sucker to meet. Rinse and repeat until finally the rejected spouse leaves or moves to the couch.

        Nothing seemed to get her to go back to the girl I knew before we married. She didn’t have a strong desire to be with me no matter what tactic I used. The week after our honeymoon, she made the statement “I could never have sex again and be happy.” This was the mentality I was dealing with. No amount of touching, romance, or other types of behavior changed her mind set.

        The only thing that I believe paved the way for my relationship being in it’s current state is due to me playing hardball so to speak. I didn’t accept the life we were living. I decided years ago that if I was not going to get my needs met, I was not going to go out of my way to meet hers. I made her aware of this many times throughout our marriage. I kept writing her letters explaining the importance of intimacy in marriage and it did little to turn things around. I made her aware of the hell I was going through due to her neglecting this area of our life.

        This doesn’t mean I was totally absent, but I rarely went above and beyond what was expected. The level of romance, being emotionally available, and other needs she had were rationed by me. Like Peter said in “Office Space” you do just enough not to get fired. I wasn’t a jerk, but I wasn’t going to be all that she wanted because I knew that would lead to nowhere. You can’t reward bad behavior and expect it to stop.

        Now you might say what I did is what pushed us into getting to our current state. While I believe it helped and was the best path for me to take, it was ultimately her that decided that she wanted a better life for herself and knew that if she wanted a better marriage, it was going to take more than folding laundry and house work for her to get the husband she wanted. I’m not 100% sure what thought process she had, or what exactly led to her to make the turn around. All I know for sure is that if she hadn’t decided to open herself up, I would still be going to bed hating life and praying for a change. I’m still hesitant to say things are fixed, but I am much more confident about it than I was in the past. But I’m enjoying the increased frequency and more adventurous sex I’m getting.

        So like I said earlier, I agree with most of what I’ve read here, I’m not criticizing your take on this issue. The advice you gave is good advice, but based on my experience, there is no silver bullet when it comes to changing your wife into a sexual animal. I will say the “It’s your fault you’re not getting laid and you can change that all by yourself” is something to try, but it is not an absolute cure for every situation.

        One reason I took the time to write this was for those that are currently struggling with this. I know there will be some guys who will try this advice and will be unsuccessful and they will ultimately feel like failures. I know because I was one of those guys who tried so many different things only to feel worse about myself.

        Sorry for the book, but situations like mine can’t be explained easily. I sincerely look forward to reading through your other articles.

  • […] Sex in marriage has been something I’ve covered in depth since the beginning of TFA. It is still one of the primary reasons a man comes across my blog. […]

  • […] Single men, not every woman you meet is LTR/wife material and for the guys married, sex is not supposed to decline after marriage. […]

  • […] and there are better men who deserve her attraction and attention. This truth is a bitter one, but your girl will go out of her way to have sex with you if you’re a high value man and there are no high value men that don’t have their physical fitness on […]

  • Jeff says:

    These articles have helped me out a ton! Question: You know how guys have lots of issues with Testosterone these days. Could at least part of the issue with sex and marriage be the woman having issue with her hormones as well? I admit, for most it’s the guy not holding it down. Anyway, I think peoples health is diving for the worst and that could also be a part of it.

    • Hunter Drew says:

      I 100% believe that everyone is dealing with the fallout of jacked up hormones due to the foods. Men and women are suffering from this.

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