TFA & 31DtM

When I took on the challenge of writing a series of posts which would span the entire month of March, I was doing so to get myself out of an inconsistent writing funk.

I had no idea that taking on that personal challenge (which I failed) would forever alter the path this blog was on.

#MenofMarch changed the game for me, it also changed the lives of hundreds (let’s be real we’re in the thousands now) of other men for the positive.

I’ve had single men, married fathers, lawyers, the unemployed, and everyone in-between message me telling me how taking on that challenge positively impacted their life.

PaperBack

Since releasing 31 Days to Masculinity, the book which was created from #MenofMarch, the number of emails, messages, and men joining the ranks has continued to consistently grow.

It is because of this growth that I am going to be giving 31DtM it’s own home.

The program has taken on a life of its own and the message is unique to that of The Family Alpha. A division of power and attention is necessary to provide the highest quality product on both the Family & Masculinity side as well as that of personal development and a reclamation of authentic living.

The new site will be up and running by March 2018 (A March kickoff brings 31DtM back to its roots) and will be dedicated to men who are on their journey to reclaiming their authenticity as well as 31DtM alumni who will act as moderators helping those who have questions as well as sharing their journey as to what happened on Day #32.

This program is bigger than myself, it isn’t about me, it’s about us and the only way this community works is if we are all working together and building that network of men who will support and advise you and will just as quickly call you out on your weak bullshit as well.

The site will have a video for each day where I will not only go over that days challenge and topic of discussion, but I’ll also provide a behind the scenes look at why you’re doing that particular challenge, something you don’t get from the book. You’ll have 31 videos which can be used in place of the book, or if you failed the first go round, they may help keep you on track as well as more understanding of why it is so important to follow each step.

The site will also have a chat function which will allow immediate, real time access to myself and others who’ve completed the program to shoot the shit, ask questions, etc.

There will be a forum dedicated to discussing the journey as well as what happens once the program has been completed.

There will be an initial fee to join the site as I don’t want it to be like Reddit, I want men who are dedicated to their improvement and who truly want to be a part of this on there. I’m choosing quality over quantity with this, I want motivated men.

I’m going to be running a T Shirt campaign for the next 31 days. The money made from this will go towards construction of the site as well as a few other projects I have in the works.

Another perk to grabbing a shirt; if you share a photo wearing a 31DtM T-Shirt and hashtag #31DtM you’ll be entered to win access to the site for free and a signed copy of the 31DtM book.

I’ll be randomly selecting six photos, if your name gets picked 1-3 you’re in the club for free; if it’s picked 4-6 you’re getting a signed copy of the book.

Here is what the shirts look like:

The goal is to sell as many shirts possible to not only get cash flowing towards making the new site amazing, but it will also instill that sense of brotherhood which came from #MenofMarch.

If you just want to grab a shirt to support TFA, then that works too, but the point of this is to get like minded men bridging that gap which exists in the modern world. We can get men from across the nation rocking shirts that represent masculine reclamation.

It was amazing to see how all of the men came together during that month and to get photos wearing the same gear and pursuing the same goals, even if you buy a shirt just to be a part of the club, fuck it it’ll make for a good time.

#MenofMarch brought a lot of men together.

I look forward to creating this next phase for 31DtM and for all of future men who will join the ranks of those original #MenofMarch and all who’ve taken on the challenge and reclaimed their authenticity since then.

The drive ends November 7th, shirts will be shipped out roughly 12 days after that. I’m looking forward to seeing these shirts out in public.

You can order your shirts or donate to this next chapter here: https://www.customink.com/fundraising/31dtm2018

Hunter

Flip the Switch

Flip the Switch & send power to setting the gears of Masculinity into motion.

Flip the Switch & send power to setting the gears of Masculinity into motion.

How long it takes for you to unplug is directly related to how long it takes for you to accept reality for what it is, whether you’ve fully committed to the process, and how long it takes you to understand that nothing will be given, all must be earned.

Reality

The reality of the situation is that you’ve got a lot longer road than you think and unlike every movie you’ve ever seen, you’ll be walking this road alone.

You’re physique most likely needs a significant amount of time and dedicated decision making fitness wise before it looks like the body of a man who owns his shit.

Another unfortunate truth is that you’re most likely going to use the amount of time that you were a weak fuck as another excuse to justify your mediocrity.

When you don’t reach a goal or your wife shuts you down you’ll justify it with, “well I’m not supposed to be getting laid yet or desired by women because I was a pussy for 8 years.” What in the actual fuck does this mean?

I’ve seen too many posts on TRP & MRP where men say, “I know I’m not ‘Alpha’ enough yet, but-” shut it the fuck down right there. You are already displaying a weak mindset and are admitting that you still do not believe in you. You’ll never reach your goals without complete belief in self and a display of irrational self-confidence.

Here’s the brutally raw truth most are unable to ever digest.

You don’t want to become a masculine man, you just want your wife to fuck you a little more or respect you a little more. Taking ownership of your life is too difficult and you know that.

So you pretend.

You make the posts, read the books, say the word No a few times then go back to your comfortable land of easy, free of pain.

Because of this, you never find comfort in the discomfort and you never immerse yourself into the grind. You never get to experience the freedom which comes with total belief in self, free from the burden of trying to gain validation from a woman.

You never Flip the Switch in your mind and decide to completely own your fucking life.

Commitment

There is this stupid fucking notion that for every year you were a faggot it will take a month to recover.

This notion is pushed to prevent guys from going ‘Red Pill Rambo’, what men fail to see is that ‘Red Pill Rambo’ is not masculine, so the guys who are going to go off the fucking rocker and start demanding that their undeserved standards be met don’t need a warning, they’re going to fuck it up either way because they are trying to take submission via domineering behavior vice inspirational domination.

Like a light switch you flip your fucking mind from meek & reserved to masculine and confident.

You do that right now, this second.

You draw a boundary and do it for yourself, not for your kids, wife, parents, or friends.

You’re doing this for you and you alone. You start making time for yourself today to accomplish the goals you want and not the ones you think others expect you to set. The people around you are likely very mediocre, mainly because you’re mediocre and people stick with like-minded people.

If you’re going to ‘take the Red Pill‘ and face the raw apathetic nature of reality, then do so with the mindset that you’re going to fucking own it. Start noticing the walls confining you and strings controlling the system, then break that fucking mold.

Stop with this bullshit reserved attempt at reclamation of the masculine self.

You’re in or you’re out.

If you’re in, then dive into the deep end and learn to swim. Get rid of the life-ring and bullshit justifiers & “I know I’m not alpha enough yet‘ excuses.

I don’t give a fuck if you’re 100lbs overweight, just because your body is soft as play-dough it doesn’t mean your mind needs to be weak as well.

Look in the mirror, that’s your competition. That’s also the masculine man you’re working with to own this life, take care of your future self and commit today.

– Hunter
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The Pride

Take Pride in You

Take Pride in You

 

Gentlemen, once you’ve  recognized the need to destroy The Void in your heart and eradicate the The Shame from your mind by reaching out to your brethren you can then experience something which has eluded your grasp for too long, a sense of pride.

Masculinity has been under attack for so long that most men now default to not taking pride in any attribute which may bring into question their support of the feminine imperative.

I’m here to tell you – Fuck. That.

As you go through the process of reclaiming your masculine nature you’ll eventually find yourself in a situation where you’re faced with the choice of vocalizing your masculine identity or continuing on with the facade (remaining a Clown).

Brothers, I’m telling you now, after you’ve face down those dark clouds and chose to stop repressing your genuine self, you deserve to take pride in the man you’ve created. 

Choosing the comfort of the lie is so easy; it’s so fucking easy to remain comfortable and to sit there and eat what you want, never get sore, and avoid all the discomfort out there in the world; it’s so damn easy. Yet, for whatever reason, you chose to find the comfort in the discomfort of reality. You’ve chosen to express your masculine nature when everyone around you wanted you to do the opposite. You chose to invest in you and live a life as the ‘real’ you vice the scripted you.

Take pride in that brother, you deserve it.

The whole world has told you the opposite. Our society has tried to snuff out that masculine fire since you were born and at some point maybe they didbut like the Phoenix, you chose to rise from the ashes, burning hotter than ever.

You’ve been told not to be a presence, but rather to make yourself meek and unimposing. You’ve been told to refrain from being aggressive, competitive, and lustful in any way. Women have told you to share feelings, your mother has told you to be a nice boy, and teachers have told you to sit still and your limitless energy is something you need to ‘get control over’.

This went on for years and for years you learned to default your decisions and behaviors to that of a man who fit the Mold and didn’t make waves, until now.

When you face that inevitable moment where you decide weak or strong, meek or masculine remember all of the days, weeks, and years where you chose the former and look where it’s gotten you.

You’ve gone long enough beating back your true nature, you’ve repressed your genuine self long enough. For possibly the first time in your life you now have someone telling you, take pride in being a man.

Own every aspect of that newfound sense of self and let the haters watch the show you’re about to put on. While you live, they’ll comment from the sideline. Before you know it you’ll have yourself in the arena and you’ll be laughing at the man in the stands saying the day is hot.

Embrace you and when the time comes, show the true you. Tell people, “No.” when that’s the answer. Stop trying to alleviate your decision or soften the blow by proving justifiers, tell someone No and then go about your business. Own every aspect of your masculinity take pride in:

  • Your sexuality. It’s OK to want sex, take pride in that lustful fire burning in your loins.
  • Your competitive & aggressive nature. You should want to win. I’ve gotten into physical fights over games of checkers and chess – fuck it, be in it to win it.
  • Your romantic nature. Men live hard, they also love hard and have very passionate feelings towards whatever they find of value. I lose sleep some nights because I can’t stop thinking of the men who fucking hate themselves and their lives. My wife asks why I’m not in bed and I tell her my mind is full. Sometimes I’ll share a little and ask her if she knows how I can get these men to just ‘wake up’ and recognize that they are their problem and they are also their solution. She tells me I worry too much about things I can’t control, but also that she is glad her man has a fire in his heart when so many are content and numb to feeling anything or caring enough to do anything about the things that do bother them.
  • Your desire to lead. My relationship isn’t 50/50 and I’ve said that to others, it blows their fucking mind when I say that I lead my marriage. Of course they turn to my girl and challenge my statement through her and she laughs saying she loves being able to enjoy the ride while I handle business. Of course there are areas where we come together, she is a responsible woman and she has on more than 10 occasions made the better decision than what I was going to make. I listen and if she’s right I adjust to her plan, still leading the venture. When we are dead-locked I make the final call, think of it as a 51-49 relationship. Embrace your own desire, you’re a man step up and lead, stop waiting for someone to take care of you.
  • Your sense of ‘Self’. You don’t need your wife’s permission to grow a beard or mustache. At the same time, you need to make sure you aren’t just going with the easiest ‘self’ you can create. Don’t walk around saying, “My real self plays video games all day, fuck what society and women want me to do.” You have a role to fill, there’s a reason I call this blog The Family Alpha. You’re the leader of your clan, you’ve got to set the standard from which all others will be measured. Be the true you, not the lazy you and at the same time, be the you that you want to be. I have a beard, my wife told me she wasn’t a ‘beard girl’, I grew my beard anyway and guess what, now she’s definitely a ‘beard girl’. Watch what women do, never follow what they say.

The world doesn’t have to love you, you have to love you. It’s time to stop hiding from yourself and way past due for you to stop hiding yourself from the world. Own your shit, take pride in who you are and what it is you plan to do in this life. Pursue your goals and live un-apologetically. There’s no reason to be sorry for being a man, there’s nothing wrong with embracing your masculinity.

The negative feelings you have towards behaving like a man are due entirely to socially constructed ‘rules’ which are set up to keep you contained. Break free brothers and let the whole fucking world know that you are here to win.

Own it.

Acta Non Verba,

-Hunter
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Xmas & NYE

Give the gift you want to give, not the one they want to get.

Give the gift you want to give, not the one they want to get.

This is my second Christmas writing on TFA. (Here’s a link to last year’s Christmas post) I’m a huge fan of the Christmas season. I know it’s commercialized as shit, but there’s something about the music, the cold, the snow, the food, the parties. Especially Christmas day, I love seeing my kids eyes light up when they see the presents, my wife getting mad I spent too much money on her but under that scowl is her blushing and a beautiful smile. I love how people come together and if even for a brief moment, life is the way it should be without distraction from this or that. We give each other our undivided attention and listen instead of waiting for our turn to talk. I aim to make every day like Christmas day (sans presents) but Christmas Eve/Day are truly an amazing time and I hope everyone is able to feel this way in their own heart and mind.

Surviving Christmas

The holiday season is upon us yet again and a lot of family men will be attending Christmas & New Year’s Eve parties in the very near future. Managing kids, time between families, and the emotional state of your own family can become quite stressful, for those who don’t have a plan.

I have found the combination of two quotes to be the perfect blend of what goes on when preparing for the ‘joy’ of taking your wife and kids from place to place with hundreds of variables requiring your attention.

1)      Failing to prepare means you’re preparing to fail

2)      With the spontaneity of the world, planning is the most destructive thing you can do.

These two quotes are at complete odds with one another, yet they perfectly capture what it’s like to lead a family during the holidays, on vacations, when attending events such as a weddings, birthday parties, etc.

As the Family Alpha, you’ve got to have a plan while being aware that your plan is completely fluid & must be adapted to the moment to moment situations & scenarios you’ll face.

There’s going to be people who’ve drank too much, people who pry and ask too many questions, people who give the kids candy when you told them not to, kids who will do what kids do yet it’s amplified in your mind as you’re trying to keep everyone on their best behavior, etc.

Can you do me a favor?

Breathe – deeper.

Life’s good man, you’ve got your wife and your kids, it’s Christmas Eve, it’s go time. Have fun with it, relax and fucking immerse in the moments.

Your family needs you to lead them through the Holiday chaos.

Your family needs you to lead them through the Holiday chaos.

Start by getting everyone on the same page. Hey guys, we’re going to go to X, then to Y, then to Z. Do you know what that requires? Get a response from them, ensure they’re aware of what is going to be required. They aren’t fully going to follow through, but at least they’ll have some sort of framework built in their head as to what’s expected, much better than winging it.

Also, if your wife is onboard with your plan, let her know what obtacles you expect to face.

  • Drunk Uncle
  • Gifts
  • Timelines
  • etc…

Most importantly, remember to let your wife know what your end goal is.

Example: I’m going to have dinner with family. I’ve made it clear that before the dinner, I don’t give a fuck what we do or where we go so long as we have what we’re bringing food-wise ready and have everyone dressed on time.

My end goal is to be home at a reasonable time (Between 7-8) as my brother in law is coming over and it is a tradition that him and I (my wife’s brother) set the gifts out, drink, and just hang out until we pass out or the sun comes up. My wife hangs with us but she’s always the first one to knock out and I’ll either wrap her up with a blanket on the couch and party around her or tuck her into bed.

Letting her know my end goal makes my wife aware that we are not playing games, drinking too much, or doing anything after the dinner. This will help me as she will start gathering the kids while I start the good byes, we’ll be out the door on time together, no issues.

Tell your wife what it is you want from the party you’re going to. Do you want to mingle with everyone or just do touch and goes then get out?

You can’t get upset at your wife for talking too much, ignoring you, or not following your game plan if you haven’t made your vision the family’s vision.

If you are dividing time between families, recognize that you guys may not have the same desires, try to accommodate everyone as best you can, but if you wife wants to have dinner at X and you want to have dinner at Y – either split up and go where you want or don’t go to either and find a third option. Neither of you can force the other to go anywhere, if you do they’ll just pout and ruin your time at the place you wanted to go, destroying the entire point of being there.

It’s ok to do things without one another, in my family we wouldn’t as we stick together but for some, just do your own thing. My wife and I are touch and go people, we visit, say hello, small talk, and then roll out.

Christmas Day is easier, people make it hard.

Don’t write any covert contracts, No, the gift you got your wife is not going to inspire some sudden transformation & submission, it’s a gift and I hope you gave it to her because you wanted to give it to her and not because you wanted something in return as that’s fucking weak.

Don’t expect some amazing gift either, just enjoy the time and company with your family.

Surviving New Year’s

Make 2017 the year you discover and display the genuine self you keep inside.

Make 2017 the year you discover and display the genuine self you keep inside.

1. The best way to make it to midnight on New Year’s is to get some quality rest on the nights leading up to it.

The way I do this is to continue lifting during the whole Christmas excitement. You’ll want to play with your new things, you’ll be excited from all of the goings on, and you’ll be mentally feeding off the energy of the season. The best way to combat that, for me at least, is to physically drain myself to fucking true exhaustion. Deadlifts, Squats, Bench, etc. I fucking kill it, I go to bed because I physically have to. The quality of sleep I get is great.

The day of New Year’s Eve I don’t lift and I don’t eat many carbs as I don’t want to crash. It’s worked so far. Solid sleep the nights before arms me with the ability to go the distance the night of the ‘big show’.

2. Save the caffeine until right before you need it. Pounding coffee all day won’t give you energy to midnight, it will give you the shits. Have a cup of coffee an hour after dinner.

I’ve seen guys take RedBulls to the face, Monsters, etc. They always end up wrecked with an upset stomach, acting like an annoying hyperactive spaz, or if they’ve been drinking doing stupid shit faster.

If you can, lay off the caffeine from the 26 to the 30th, then the night of the 31st have a cup of coffee, should do the trick.

3. Chill with the booze. How many ‘Countdowns’ have you missed because you were blacked out drunk or passed out?

Masculine men maintain control - Don't get sloppy.

Masculine men maintain control – Don’t get sloppy.

I turn 30 in February, so maybe I’m getting old. But, drinking isn’t as fucking cool as it used to be. I’ve missed a lot of shit because I was either blacked out and don’t remember or I fell asleep from drinking too much.

I still drink, but not like I used to because I realized, drunk does not equal fun. I used to think more booze meant more smiles, that’s not the case and to be honest, it’s not very masculine.

Masculine men know their limit and they don’t cross it as they don’t ever want to lose composure and come across as sloppy. That’s one of the worst things you can be, that sloppy guy who slurs, spills shit, has swings of emotions, etc.

Be a man, limit your intake and set a slow pace throughout the night. Make it to midnight as the man walking among boys. While the rest fall out, show that you can go the distance, be the one who is still able to kiss his girl into the New Year.

4. Kids. They need a parent to not forget they exist just because a party is going on.

My kids are 7 & 4, they’re going to be bouncing off the wall with the energy of the environment. What my wife and I have done is limit the desserts people funnel them (knock that shit off, food does not equal love) and ensure that they are drinking more water than juice throughout the night. Hydrated kids who aren’t filled with sugar and processed shit will pass out with relative ease.

Tuck them into somewhere quiet yet accessible so you can hear if they get up, if you’re at a party or hotel or wherever that isn’t home, waking up in a new place can be scary.

After the ball drops and you kiss your woman, go in and kiss your babies. You don’t have to wake them, but don’t forget about them. It’s just a digit on a calendar which changes, but there’s something special about knowing you started the year with a kiss. I’ve kissed my wife and kids into the New Year for as long as I can remember, give yourself that Polaroid.

5. Recognize you might be cranky the next day. People staying up past their bed time drinking, dancing, singing, etc. That is a great night, it’s not always a great morning.

Red men go to bed late & rise early, there's no rest for the Wicked.

Red men go to bed late & rise early, there’s no rest for the Wicked.

When you do your morning negative visualizations, remind yourself that you’re going to run into some overtired people and you too may be a little more irritable than usual. Just like when your wife is PMS’ing, you’ve got to cater your approach to everyone. There’s no need to start 2017 with everyone going after each other’s throats.

Be the leader of your family, keep everyone cool and at a 2 (3 tops). You see someone rising to level 10, shut it down with a reminder of how awesome the night was and divert their attention away from the annoyance.

Keep all of this in mind and you’ll start the New Year out right.

Happy New Year’s,
Hunter

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Negative Visualizations

When I was 5 years old my mother committed suicide. This left my father to raise me and my 3 year old twin brother/sister on his own. My dad was a Navy man; always in and out then deploying. He needed a caretaker so we went to live with my grandmother.

She was a strict woman who lived through the Great Depression. As I grew up she instilled discipline, a ‘never quit’ work ethic, and appreciation. It’s the appreciation aspect I’m writing about in this post, as losing my mother and not having a father around combined with the instruction from my Grandmother created a man who has learned to truly immerse in and appreciate each moment.

The Red Pill introduced me to Stoicism and Stoicism introduced me to Negative Visualizations. Negative Visualizations was a mental tool I naturally developed, but learning it had a name enables me to relay the message a little more clearly to others.

I start every morning by waking up and taking a moment to think on and inventory my life. I do this through performing negative visualizations immediately after waking up. I visualize that my wife and kids die on this day. I let the pain fully wash over me, I feel it in my heart, my mind, and my entire ‘self’. Then, I slowly bring myself back, I dial my mind in and remind myself that my wife is next to me, breathing softly, beautiful as ever. I remind myself that my kids are asleep in their beds, innocent, pure, and alive.

I get out of bed, do the morning routine, and before I leave I always tell my wife and kids that I love them, because I do and I’m aware of how lucky I am to still have them in my life. Kissing your child’s forehead means more when you know it could be the last time.

I appreciate each moment with them more because I’ve made myself feel the pain of losing their presence in my life.

Life is not guaranteed, yet people live as though they have all the time in the world.

In my post Intentional Discomfort I wrote about removing comforts from your life so you truly appreciate them. Warm water, your phone, your bed, etc.

It isn’t practical to ‘remove your wife and kids’ so you have to do it through a sort of ‘thought experiment’. Remove them in your mind, remove their smells, their smiles, their voices and laughs, all of them. Immerse in the void you create in your heart, soak in the abyss and feel the pain. Now, bring them back to life. 

Tell me that this doesn’t make you smile just a little bit more when you see them. Tell me that it doesn’t make you want to put the phone down and get on the floor with your kid and play.

We’re so caught up in the hustle of modern living that we are getting distracted from what matters most, the time we have with those we love.

This goes beyond family; I perform negative visualizations with every day life. I’ve visualized my wife cheating, I’ve visualized being doxxed, I’ve visualized getting fired, I’ve visualized crashing my Jeep, etc.

This prepares me for the moment when something does happen I’m not caught off guard, unable to cope or perform. I’ll have a rough game plan as to what I need to do because I’ve already played it out in my mind.

Don’t get it twisted, I don’t mope around all day thinking of terrible things that could happen. Just recognize that you should periodically immerse in a shitty scenario and ensure you’ve got the fortitude to not only handle it but rather come out on top.

I love my wife, if she were to cheat I’m ready for it and will survive.

I love my children to death, but if they were to die I’ll know I gave them everything and that I was in all of our moments together.

I’ll go to my deathbed without regret because I make sure I appreciate the moments I have with those I love. I Hang my Polaroids and I prepare myself mentally to react to the chaos that we call life.

The ancient Stoics had it right, if you’d like to read more on Stoicism here are my recommendations:

 Letters From a Stoic: Seneca

 Marcus Aurelius: Meditations

The Discourses of Epictetus

 The Enchiridion: Epictetus (Shortened version of Discourses)

 A Guide to the Good Life: William Braxton Irvine

 The Obstacle is the Way: Ryan Holiday

I’ve read all of these books and each has added to my ‘mental toolbox’. We need to remind ourselves that we need to be as equally strong in our mind as we are in our body.

Developing this mental strength requires training and negative visualizations are one such exercise which will lead to a stronger, more fortified masculine mind.

Hunter

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The Burden of Family

Nick Kelly recently released a Podcast [Listen Here].

In the Podcast he answers the question as to whether he’ll get married or into an LTR and have kids. He says(paraphrased), “no, not now – possibly not ever.” He then goes on to discuss how he puts work before all else and all of the married men & fathers he knows have lost their fire.

When I heard this I nodded in agreement as having a family does reduce a man’s output. I let the thought go and listened to the rest of the audio clip which conveniently ended right before I finished my commute from work.

I didn’t come back to this topic until I was laying down with both of my kids. I had intended to work on editing the TFA book, but both my son and daughter came up to me right before I was going to put them down for a nap (we had a late party to attend that night) and they asked if we could have a ‘family nap’(think Willy Wonka’s grandparents, everyone in the bed nappingbasically I’ll nap with them, one on each side – me in the middle.

My immediate instinct was to say “No” as I had edits to do, but I thought of all the other times where I’ve said No the past 2 weeks because I was studying for finals, knocking out assignments, writing posts, etc.

So I said, “Yes.”

While lying there I thought of Nick Kelly’s point on Work. I was also thinking of how there is nowhere in the world I’d rather be than laying on that bed with both of their little heads on my chest listening to them lightly snoring, in rhythm. I thought of how choosing to nap with them over editing was me placing the ‘work’ I had to do with them over the work I had to do on the book.

I caught myself thinking of this/that and intentionally forced myself to immerse in the now. Hearing their snores, their soft hair, the warmth from their little bodies, my mind was warmed by the comfort & joy that comes from knowing your kids still need you.

I won’t have these moments for much longer and that’s a sobering thought. My son is becoming a man, more and more independent with each passing day. Same with my daughter, I find her asking for help less and less with the passing months.

I chose this life; I purposely chose the grind of fatherhood knowing that by doing so, I’d become a less productive individual with regard to my own pursuits.

But that’s the point; their development, upbringing, and life experiences have become a part of my work.

This is an aspect of fatherhood & marriage that is lost on many men. They view their wife and kids as a burden, they think they would be better if only they were single.

This is a flawed mentality and it is where the FAMILY aspect of being a Family Alpha comes into play.

Nick Kelly can travel to anywhere at anytime he chooses. Illimitable Man can pump out a high workload of writing without having to worry about dedicating time to others. Some men view them with envy, wishing “if only I weren’t married with kids” as if their failure to perform has to do with their life status.

Married men and fathers, look upon your wife & kid(s) as fuel, not an anchor. Recognize that your role in life is different than the single guys out there. They can travel in a moments notice while you are raising the next generation of men and women who will raise the standard of masculinity and femininity in our society.

When you create a pathway to act as your son’s Rite of Passage you are doing your work as a masculine man. When you lead your wife to staying in shape, being a freak in the sheets, and allowing her to fill her feminine role you are doing your work as a man. Most of the work done by the Family Alpha’s out there is done in silence. We are the Silent Professionals of the Manosphere; the men who write on our blogs when the family has gone to sleep, in between activities with the kids, or while a wife is talking to us and seeking guidance.

We are the men who have to wake up earlier to get time alone and stay up later to get edits done. We make time to lift, read, and write while also leading a wife, educating our children, and ensuring the entire clan is truly living, getting the most of their days, and Hanging Polaroids.

We not only have to maintain our own standard but we must also maintain the standard of those whom we lead. Masculine men walk their path alone, stop looking at other men and comparing your life to their’s, because they aren’t looking over at you. Masculine men invest their time in improving themselves and putting in work, stop wasting time with the envy or playing the ‘if only‘ game. Single vs married vs parent with regards to masculinity is a fucking retarded comparison to make. Men aren’t more or less masculine because of their relationship status and whether they’ve reproduced or not. All that matters is the man alone, so stop looking for excuses as to why you aren’t performing as a masculine man should.

You’ve got work to do; married or a parent it makes no difference, you need to set the bar from which excellence will be measured. Take what you’ve got and make it the greatest it can be. Your wife and kid, they’re a part of your work as a man, so invest the time to lead them and don’t think for a second they are an acceptable excuse for your failure to perform; they’re a part of your performance.

Your wife is a reflection of your performance as a man, your Sons and Daughters are a reflection of your performance as a man. Your ‘self’ grows when you take on the responsibility of others (wife) or when you decide to create a life (Kids). They are now extensions of you and are equally important in regards to development and caring for as you would your ‘self’.

If you’re a FAMILY Alpha, then you need to view these extensions of self as motivation to push forward. You may not produce as much as you’d like, that’s fine as it shows you have hunger. Don’t let it get you down, instead let it be the fuel which causes you to rise to new heights. Family men are forced to be better with regards to time management. If you aren’t hitting your personal goal of productivity, take a look at how your normal day plays out and find the time sinks then remove them.

Sacrificing sleep may be necessary, just ensure you’re doing all of this for you and not because you feel you need to keep up with other guys. Do your thing and everything will be alright; never accept mediocrity, refuse to reward failure, and do not allow yourself to be come complacent. Periodically insert some Intentional Discomfort in your life and be objectively honest with yourself when you ask the question, “Am I really doing the best I can?”

Hunter

I write for free, if you feel the need to compensate for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life you may do so through clicking the donate button which will send funds to my PayPal.

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Give your ‘self’ a gift.

Fix your 'self' & it will fix your entire family.

Fix your ‘self’ & it will fix your entire family.

This post is about giving something to your ‘self’ this holiday season. This something isn’t of material value; it goes way beyond a new Jeep, gun, or tool. What I want you to give yourself this holiday season is the Gift of Independence.

I want you to shift your perspective on life to the point where you know that if your wife were to cheat or file for divorce you’d still have a smile on your facing knowing that you are the fucking man.

There’s no better time than today for you to start pulling the training wheels you have in your life. For the ‘plugged in’ married man it’s their wife and marriage that are the two wheels which keep them balanced. These men feel their masculinity and position in society is derived from their relationship status, as if being married signifies they are real men. This is unacceptable.

Take a look at the masculine man, he’s riding his life free from support.

The man who has embraced his masculinity is the guy who has a mission and it’s not his wife. He’s the guy who has a wife that knows her man’s vision and she is aware that he does not need her. Have you ever noticed that the men who don’t need their woman are the men who have the most loyal women?

The reason for this should be clear, but for those just tuning in to the Manosphere women want a man who doesn’t need her to take care of him. Women will submit to a masculine man as she is his lover and she knows that he will elevate her status in society while he pursues his mission.

Men who need their women are men who treat their wife like their mommy. Women want a man who can ravish them then continue marching towards whatever goal they have set. They don’t want to have to raise a man-child. My wife and I have two kids together, the last thing she needs is a third body to raise. Because I keep her in the role of lover, our marriage is still enjoyable and filled with passion. If I were to be the doting fool that most men have become, she’d resent me and either find another man who could treat her like a woman or she’d lower her standards to becoming a bitter hag.

The Christmas season is upon us, give your entire family a gift by raising your personal standard as their leader.

The Christmas season is upon us, give your entire family a gift by raising your personal standard as their leader.

Men, you don’t need your woman taking care of you – in fact you don’t need your woman at all.

This is the gift you need to give yourself this year; it’s also a gift that will ‘keep on giving’. As you accept the reality that your wife could leave at any moment, you can then begin to embrace the confidence that you would be alright. Go through the thought experiment, create a negative visualization in your mind and feel everything that you’d feel if she were to leave. Realize that with her gone, you should still be entirely secure with your ‘self’.

Now dial yourself back in and realize that your woman is still in your life. Find joy in that, smile at her, and appreciate the time you guys have together.

The fact of reality is this, the less you show ‘love’ the way society has taught you to show love, the more your wife will love you.

TV, movies, music, etc the all are pushing the female imperative, they are telling you to entirely devote yourself to your woman, to always self-sacrifice for her, and to make her the top priority in your life.

Negative.

Clear your mind of the poison society has injected you with. Let your masculine light shine.

Clear your mind of the poison society has injected you with. Let your masculine light shine.

This is not the path of the masculine man. The masculine man has his mission and he marches towards it with fierce tenacity. He allows his wife to walk this path with him, but she is company on this journey and is free to depart whenever she chooses to do so.

You can develop this mindset by developing the irrational levels of self-confidence which comes from action:

  • You have to start lifting as it will develop your physical strength and mental discipline.
  • You have to start raising your personal standard of hygiene, grooming, and fashion. This will lead to an increase in IOIs from other women which will break the oneitis and build confidence that if your woman were to leave, she could be replaced.
  • You have to start building a life separate from your woman. Whether it be writing, building a car, going to an MMA gym, joining some sort of gun club – something; you have to develop a life outside of your wife so that if she were to leave you don’t lose everyone you know and every hobby you had ‘together’.
  • You have to read up on game, kino, the art of debate & discourse, and truly internalize the truth of reality which is provided to you by the manosphere. You can’t just ‘think’ you need to own this life and put yourself first but rather truly embody your masculine nature.

Once you take these actions you will begin to see that your woman will love you more and that you are more confident. Without the fear of losing your life if you lose your woman you will be more prone to taking bolder actions and further pursuing your mission in this life. You’ll find that by following my steps of creating a ‘self’ who does not need his woman but has rather chosen to have her in his life, you now further appreciate the moments you have with her.

Your entire quality of life will rise when you accept that you are in total control of this life. You’ll realize that the ‘training wheels’ which kept you safe, also kept you from steering off the road.

Remove the safety net and you’ll be able to take the more difficult path of masculine adventure. It’s the one less ventured and for men living a genuine life, it’s the only path.

Hunter

I write for free, but if you feel the need to compensate for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life – I’d be most humbled and appreciative.

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