Face Your Fear of Rejection

If you want to sing, sing. When you stop worrying about what others will think, you can then walk on water.

            For some, the scariest possibility in the world is to be alone.

I was watching a Joe Rogan stand up special the other night and he said something which really impacted me.

He said, “Humans are such social creatures that the worst thing you can do to them is put them in solitary confinement. A person in prison, with all freedom stripped from him can still be punished by being removed from the population; forced to be alone.

This same fear of ‘solitary confinement’ can be found outside of prison. In fact, this fear is acting like a governor which limits the extent to which a person is living their life.

This ‘glass ceiling’ is something we need to eliminate from our lives and by doing so we’ll act as an example which will help our fellow man take action in their own life.

Fear of being the Outcast

The potential for being rejected or ostracized from your social group is not something which only terrifies you psychologically, it also impacts you on a physiological level.

Your body will actively work against whatever action will lead to a judging panel from your peers.

Why do you think it’s so difficult for people to:

  • Speak in public?
  • Publish an essay?
  • Release a painting to the world?

The answer is that each of these acts require you to make yourself vulnerable and open to judgement.

This judgement of your ideas puts you at risk for expulsion from the group and viewing it from a historical perspective, if you’re tossed from your tribe, you’re dead.

Now here comes the other side of that double edged sword.

If you never put yourself at risk of judgement and rejection, are you ever truly alive?

I don’t think so and it’s because of that driving force to experience the entire spectrum of living that I promote taking those risks and putting yourself out there.

It’s a New Age

Our physical response to being judged stems from a time period where life itself was linked with the tribe.

It’s 2017, you aren’t dead if your friends don’t hang out with you anymore.

In fact, a majority of your friends are people you shouldn’t be hanging out with in the first place.

Statistically speaking, your closest friends are probably guys who live a mediocre life, exhibit conformist behavior, and are fully plugged in and supportive of the feminine imperative.

These men aren’t challenging you to raise your standard of living or to authentically express your masculine nature; yet you’re afraid to lose them.

Stick with the right Group

Find the Lions and Run With Them

The next time you feel the desire to speak up or take an action, even though you normally take the passive path of avoiding judgement, I want you to let it out.

  • Your hands may get sweaty.
  • You may feel your pulse in your teeth.
  • Your ears might get hot.

But dammit man you have  to take action.

This isn’t limited to asking someone to get out of your way while shopping at Target (which some can’t do) this covers the entire spectrum of performance.

  • Approaching a girl at the bar.
  • Giving a speech to your class.
  • Standing up to your parents
  • Starting a blog and actually writing posts for the world to critique and criticize.
  • Saying “No”
  • Stepping in when you feel the need to get involved, possibly requiring physical confrontation.
  • Displaying your artwork, poetry, or other creation you’ve been wanting to show the world.

For all of these to provide you with the greatest amount of satisfaction, you have to do.

Yes, all of these open you up to rejection, being ostracized due to your opinion, you may lose the fight or argument, and your essay or artwork may be brutally massacred by those who view and review it.

So what?

Aren’t you tired of wondering, What If‘?

  • What if you’d said something?
  • What if you’d written out those great stories that were in your head?
  • What if you entered your artwork into a competition?
  • What if you spoke to that cute girl at the bookstore?

Here’s my question for you: What if you made the decision to live your life as opposed to going over the what ifs inside your mind.

Find out the answer to ‘what if’?

Put yourself out there and face the potential for rejection head on.

Hunter

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A Beautiful Suicide

There is Life in Death

In the wake of the Vegas shooting, I feel the need to write about something which illustrates a point of mine and others who write about masculinity and the authentic development of men.

Men are the romantics, we’d die for those we love, literally. Yet even with the self-sacrifice and extraordinary feats of men, we’re still considered toxic. Fuck it, I’ve completely eliminated society’s opinion from my give a shit folder.

For those who’ve made the ultimate sacrifice, I’ve begun to view it as a Beautiful Suicide.

Now, that is quite the oxymoron as there is absolutely nothing “beautiful” about the loss of life. But, if you look at it from the very micro environment from which the death occurs, there’s a beautiful tragedy which unfolds.

There are those who’ve argued with me over this and find these actions to be taken by men who are brainwashed by the feminine imperative. The MGTOW community especially has challenged me on this stance as they’re angered by the fact that men are the disposable sex and they believe we should fight against it.

I disagree completely and feel that if we were to fight against our nature to die for what it is we love, then we are repressing our masculine nature even further.

I’d written a majority of this post earlier in the year, right after the USS Fitzgerald collision where I heard the story of Gary Rehm Jr.

FC1 Rehm Jr.

Rehm was a Sailor in the United States Navy and he died saving his brothers-in-arms. I also served in the Navy, as an engineer, and if our ship was to be hit my General Quarters station (battle position) was in the bowels of the ship to ensure pumps were working to keep water flowing for the firefighting team.

The problem with my position in the ship and what killed Gary was the same, in order to save the ship you have to seal hatches closed to prevent water from flowing into the next compartment.

When Gary’s ship, the USS Fitzgerald collided with a merchant ship 3x its size the hull was breached above and below the waterline.

Rehm jumped to action, at 0130 in the morning after being thrown from his rack, he started damage control assessment. He made it his point to go into the damaged area of the ship and pull other sailors from the ruins.

He went in and pulled men out, each time the water levels were rising higher and higher and he kept going back in.

Finally, seeing that the water was almost flooding into the next compartment, he made the decision to dive into the water to save others he knew were still in there, there was no coercion, this was an intentional decision and he knew the risk.

While he was searching for his trapped sailors, the order was given to close the hatch, Gary’s fate was sealed.

He could have walked away safe, already a hero, nobody ordered him to go into the flooded space once, never-mind time and again. He could have lived, but that isn’t what this man was about, that wasn’t even an option.

Gary Rehm Jr

I believe he knew he was going to die the last time he entered the space, I also believe that he knew he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t try, so into the black water he dove, for the last time.

Gary was 3 months from retirement.

I left this essay in my drafts as I felt the military aspect of his self-sacrifice would be lost on the civilian community and people would somehow believe that only the military would perform actions like these. I didn’t want people to read my piece and think that there was no place for heroism and personal loss for the survival of others to be found in the civilian sector.

Then I read about Sonny Melton, a man who, before running from gunshots in Las Vegas made the decision to wrap his body around his wife’s. He knew full well why he was doing what he was doing and he was correct in his reasoning.

This man died protecting the woman he loved. He made the intentional decision in that moment that he was going to be her shield and that if a bullet was going to be taken, it would be taken by him, not her.

There is beauty in that.

So few have this level of passion and commitment to anything in their life. Whether you are dedicated to those you serve with as was the case with Gary Rehm or you are shielding your loved ones such as Sonny Melton – it makes no difference. The point is that men commit to those they love and their duty with every fiber of their being, they are willing to die for their cause.

I do not weep at the loss of these men, I praise their existence and hope their standard and actions ring loud for all to hear.

Do not waste this beautiful thing we call life. If you have to lose it, go down fighting and defending what it is you love.

Hunter

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The Shame

You were supposed to be a King; it was never supposed to be like this.

You were supposed to be a King; it was never supposed to be like this.

I was recently asked how a guy who was ashamed to show his body was supposed to start hitting the gym. This guy was a father, husband, and man who truly wanted to reclaim his masculine ‘self’ yet was too embarrassed and ashamed to take that first step out into the world. Like Quasimodo who was more comfortable in his tower this man chose video games over social exposure because that was what kept him comfortable and safe.

This post is for the men who suffer that crippling fear of judgement; those self-defeating thoughts that they’re too fat, too ugly, and too weak to achieve what they see others achieving online, in movies, on Twitter, and all over the internet. Those guys can do it because they’re luckier, richer, had easier lives, etc…

These men know that the excuses they’re using to justify why others are taking action while they remain stagnant are total bullshit, but it soothes the wound to the ego temporarily and it buys them time to do something else to distract them from reality; Netflix, Video Games, Computer, Phone, etc…

These men fear venturing into the world because they fear being ostracized and they can get over that absolutely overwhelming and crushing shame in what their body & mind have become.

They let fear of judgement overcome desire to improve; to quote Mark Baxter, “Their level of disgust in themselves has yet to exceed the desire to do nothing”.

With permission I’m sharing a part of my email back to him:

It isn’t just your body which is weak, it’s your mind as well and that’s ok; because now you know you’ve got to pull your head out of your ass and start living. You aren’t getting a ‘re-do’ on life. My blog is just a bunch of words; it’s your application of them which I’m writing for. 

With all of this said, I won’t tell you to find motivation in your kids or your wife, I’m going to tell you to find motivation in yourself because if you don’t believe in you, then why should anyone else? If you don’t believe in you then why should those you are leading believe in themselves?

Your kids follow your example, not your advice – they see when you keep the shirt on and when you are ashamed of your body.

There’s been enough of that in your life; too many days, weeks, and years have been spent doing it that way.

It’ time for a change brother, own it. Start having a blast and who gives the slightest fuck if someone looks, comments, or whatever – become unshakable and own this life.” – Hunter

The Shame

Men are told that if they followed this set path of don’t make waves, be nice, and share their feelings that they’d ‘get the girl‘ and their life would be set. They’d be the King of their castle, their wife would submit to their lead, and their children would sit around them absorbing the aura of masculinity being let off by their father.

That’s not reality and more men are finding this out day by day.

I’ve made it a point to consistently push the message that lifting weights is the 1st step towards reclaiming your masculine nature. What I’ve failed to address is how does the man who does not currently have the confidence to show his body at the gym take this step?

Before I answer it’s important to place yourself inside the mind of the ashamed man. Try to look at the world through his perspective and if this seems eerily familiar, recognize that this may be you.

The men who recognize something is wrong are the ones who start looking for answers. They have a void in their heart and an incredible sense of self-hate growing; this leads them to turning to Google or some form of social media to figure out what the problem is. They’ll stumble across the Manosphere, The Red Pill, or Married Red Pill subreddit and read for hours, sometimes days.

They’ll come out of this journey awakened to the fact that:

  1. The comfortable world they’ve been living in is a lie & now they’re uncomfortable.
  2. They are the source of their problem; not the excuses they’ve used up to this point.
  3. They have to do more to achieve more; their life of ease has to be destroyed and that’s a difficult thing to let go of.

These men now know that they’ve got to take action. Every other post they read contains a variation of, “Do you even lift Bro?

The issue is, they don’t know how to lift. More importantly, they don’t have the confidence to go somewhere or the discipline/finances to do it alone at home.

Gentlemen, I’m telling you now, you’ve suffered long enough. How many more days, weeks, years are you going to be the man who:

  • Is at the beach wearing shirts, sitting on the towels or wading deep enough into the water so you can squat low enough to hide your body under the water?
  • Can’t run around with your kids because you can’t run?
  • Is trying to take up as little space possible and remain unnoticed when you attend parties or functions?
  • Only feels the slightest sense of relief when you’re eating and at home yet when you’re done and see the empty soda bottles and pizza boxes feel disgust and more self-hate than you did before?
  • Cries when in the shower, driving home from work, or when you’re in bed next to your woman who won’t even consider touching your dick?
  • Contemplates suicide or eating yourself into an early grave while hiding in your ‘safe’ cave at home?

I get it brother, you feel those black clouds will forever hide that light you once felt as a young man; that masculine fire which burned so hot when you had passion for life has been snuffed out.

I’m telling you now, so long as you don’t give up on you, there is still hope for you to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. You have to act, you have to look deep inside one more time and give your masculine self one more shot. Except this time you have the words of Hunter Drew giving you fuel, telling you to Burn your motherfucking ship on the shore as there is no retreat, you’re going all in this time.

No longer will you eat to feel comfortable, no longer will you masturbate when your wife goes to the store, no longer will you sit while your child runs…

The shame you carry runs to your core. That’s how deep change is going to have to happen. Layer by layer you’re going to have to strip away the ‘make-up’ you’ve been putting over your true self. You’re going to have to stop living like a clown and start living like a genuine man.

When that raw genuine masculine skin first hits the surface it’s going to burn. Your friends and family are going to shit test you, your wife is going to think this is just another one of your attempts to ‘man up’ just like last New Year’s, your muscles will hurt from use and your mind will hurt from withdrawals from the sugar, porn, and other toxins that will eventually clear out.

What actions do you have to take to turn life around, reclaim your masculine nature, and develop a genuine sense of self before you’re able to hit the weights?

It starts with a conversation. It starts with taking the action of sending a message to an individual whom you connect with. Maybe you email me, maybe you email another member on the Manosphere, but you have to start the process by simply taking the action of giving enough of a shit about yourself that you swallow your pride, kill your ego, and reach out for help.

From there, you have to listen. That person, if they’re willing, is going to give you advice on how they succeeded. You’ll set goals, you’ll be held accountable, and there will be expectations that you uphold your end of the bargain.

Time is the most valuable asset we have, the masculine man you find worthy of filling the role of ‘mentor’ will not dedicate his time to a man who does not truly above all else, want to reclaim his life.

Be that man and burn the ship, it’s now or never brother.

Reach out and rid yourself of the shame that has plagued you for too long.

-Hunter
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The Void

Don't suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

Don’t suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

Are you a man that is living a lifestyle which somehow doesn’t feel quite right?

Do you feel as though there is this void, this sense of missed satisfaction and incomplete daily regret?

If you fall into this category, understand that you aren’t alone. The sense of missing something is shared by thousands, if not millions of men out there. It’s not just the married guys either; single dudes, guys in LTR’s – they all have this fucking void that they can’t fill.

I’m letting you know right now that this feeling of emptiness and this feeling of being ‘weighed down’ is a direct result of repressed masculinity. The feeling of having a weight vest on, one that prevents you from taking actions, telling jokes, achieving goals, and just barely allowing you to keep your head above water; these are the symptoms suffered by men who repress their masculinity and it isn’t going to get any better until you do something about it.

For the guys who just discovered the manosphere, it’s not your fault; the cards were stacked against you; from birth your reality and frame were stripped of you. Your life was molded by society and the white knight fucks supporting the female imperative. They gave you that mold with the warning: If you think outside this box you are wrong, ungrateful, pathetic, and weak – stay inside this box, keep your picture in this frame, and DON’T EVER CHALLENGE THE STATUS QUO.

Sad, but true.

For the guys who have discovered the manosphere and still continue to push back against the plight faced by yourself and your fellow men, you are a fucking disgusting gender traitor. I know it sucks to have your reality shattered the way The Red Pill does so efficiently, but it is still the truth and you must find comfort in this discomfort.

Even when you fight back saying ‘masculinity’ is how guys compensate, or what the fuck ever you still know the truth and no matter how bad you want to go back to how things were when you were a comfortable nice guy, you’ll never be able to hide from the strings you see controlling the system. Men who see the truth yet continue to choose their comfortable lie still have a void, though they’ll never admit it as their ego cannot allow them to do so.

The void where regret, indecisiveness, sadness, and self loathing fester and grow is surrounded by a wall that was created by those who are looking out for themselves. The people who say you shouldn’t be confrontational, that you shouldn’t express your true desires, that you should take it all, bottle it up, and shove it deep inside – those people aren’t following that advice, they want you to do it because that supports their goals.

Here are a few truths:

  • You will never get the best of your life or your women until you accept the truth, embrace who you are as a man, and live an irrationally confident lifestyle. You have to love her the way you want to love her, not the way you think she wants to be loved.
  • You will never fill that void until you find a way to love who you are as a man. To love who you are requires you to break the mold. For guys who get it this is natural, these are the guys who are able to stand in front of a group of people, tell a joke which lands flat, lay out a witty remark, and continue to smile and grab a drink. Other men would sulk, think deeply on why the joke sucked, and the rest of the night they would be lost in their head thinking of where they went wrong and why nobody likes them. Do you see the difference? A man is happy and confident no matter what.
  • You will go to your death bed with regrets if you don’t pull your head out of your ass and start completely immersing yourself in the moments of life all the while expressing your masculine nature vice repressing it. Starting creating moments vice numbing yourself weekly with booze, TV, and scrolling on your phone looking at girls from your high-school days.
  • You cannot fill this void with any object or a woman. No female or item in the world will fill the hole your ‘genuine self‘ belongs in.

The last point is probably the most heart wrenching in my eyes. If you do not find your ‘self’ you will look back on your entire life wondering why you squandered your most precious gift away, your time. You’ll go to your deathbed with regret, wishing, “If only I could go back to when I read that post on that blog. If I had just started that day I’d of achieved so much and experienced a world of joy.

I look at the guys who are asking for help and just want to throat punch them through the screen. There are men on TRP & MRP who are looking for other men to support their decision to stay with their repetitively cheating lady; as if their world would crumble if somehow that one relationship didn’t work. If she is cheating you probably deserve it and the relationship is most likely already dead, move the fuck on and get over your relationship PTSD.

The same can be said for the guys who want to know what decisions they should make in their lives. Gentlemen, it’s your life, read the posts, blogs, and books then make the decision you feel is best going to get you to where you want to be. You have to stop making excuses to justify your mediocre existence and performance up to this point and instead claim ownership and start taking actions.

In all of these cases we see men who don’t know where they want to be, they don’t know who they are so therefore how can they plan and act in accordance with reaching that end goal?

This is why it is so oft repeated it’s about YOU. You have to know who you are and what it is you want from this life. Do you know how you find out who you are?

  1. You Lift
  2. You Read
  3. You Listen
  4. You Act
  5. You Observe
  6. You Change
  7. Disregard the un-essential

In each of these moments you will discover something about yourself. You will see where you stand physically, mentally, socially, your level of confidence, and that you aren’t perfect which is great because there is no fun to be had if there is no room to grow.

Fill that void gentlemen, stop wasting your precious time with the feeling of regret that I know creeps into your mind at night, during rides to work, and while you are alone. That isn’t how life should be lived. You do not need your wife, your house, your kids, your money, or your car – you need you.

Once you realize that if everything were to be stripped away and you’d still smile – only then can you start taking actions and leading others towards where it is you want everyone to be without the fear and void that plagues so many of our brothers. Then and only then, will your rise from the ashes like a Phoenix and soar to your greatest masculine potential.

If you are struggling in silence & only see it getting worse, please email me: TheFamilyAlpha@Gmail.Com

-Hunter
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Excuses

Stop making excuses as to why you're wasting your time before it runs out.

Stop making excuses as to why you’re wasting your time before it runs out.

The saying goes, “Excuses are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink.

This is something I’d like you to recognize and truly wrap your mind around. Everyone makes an excuse as to why they can’t do the things they need to do. Only a very select few people out there are making excuses to do the things they need to do.

Ask yourself these questions and see if you can come up with an answer that isn’t complete bullshit which you know to be a lie you tell yourself to justify mediocre performance.

  1. What excuse do you have for not gaming your wife these past few years? Why don’t you treat her like a lover anymore yet expect her to act like one?
  2. What excuse do you have for plugging your kids in front of a screen day after day; refusing to put your phone away and educate, play with, or lead them?
  3. What excuse do you have for the weight you’ve put on?
  4. What’s your excuse for giving your time and attention to those who are not worthy; hanging with deadbeat friends who do nothing but complain and waste your time with booze or pot?
  5. What excuse do you have for how weak you have become physically, spiritually, & mentally?
  6. What is your excuse for all of the times you didn’t speak up and tell the world how you truly felt because you’d rather play it safe and not make waves; making yourself like everyone else in an attempt to be accepted by them?
  7. What’s your excuse for putting everyone ahead of yourself?
  8. What’s your excuse for letting society tell you what you should like, how you should act, and what you should accept?
  9. What’s your excuse for rewarding failure time and again?
  10. What excuse do you have for repressing your masculine nature?

People will make an excuse as to why they didn’t go to the gym, yet the winners out there are making excuses to go to the gym.

When is the last time you said, “Hey man I’m going to be late to your (insert event) because I need to hit the gym.”? When is the last time you made the decision to not go to bed but rather stay up late because you had to knock some project out?

The issue we have is that of too much comfort and too little appreciation of time.

Comfort

People have become so fucking comfortable that they’d rather suffer a mediocre existence than put in the slightest effort required for improvement. People choose to complain and seek validation through those complaints instead of just shutting the fuck up and putting in the work.

I had a husband email me talking about how his wife refuses to follow his lead and that they have a deadbedroom. I found out he was fat. I asked him why he thought his wife would want to fuck a fat dude. He went on to explain through 6 paragraphs how a knee injury from high school football (when he was really cut and strong of course) prevented him from lifting weights, running, etc.

I’m 4 classes away from my MS in Exercise Science, I was able to call BS on this one fairly quickly. He was upset about that and hasn’t responded since.

Instead of complaining about the problems you have in your life, start working to solve them.

Stop being so comfortable sitting on your couch talking about how the world is holding you down, you are holding you down – get up!

Stand up and start doing.

I know it’s cold, I know you’re tired, I know life isn’t easy I’m living it too. I have a full time job, am a full time student, father of 2, husband, blogger, and I workout – I fucking get it. But here’s the secret, I don’t talk about my problems, I just solve them and that’s why I’m able to do 4x as much as you with my 24 hours vice your 24 hours.

Stop going to bed early after watching TV shows for hours on Netflix. No, you don’t deserve that break and if you did, you wouldn’t be asking or convincing yourself, you’d know.

Stop being fat

Stop being lazy

Stop being weak

Stop being so god damned comfortable all the time, implement some Intentional Discomfort into your life.

You need to feel the pain of work and effort, you need to find comfort in the discomfort of living life as a masculine man

Time

Guys think they have all the time in the world to unfuck their situation. The fat say they’ll workout tomorrow, the poor say they’ll grind tomorrow, the weak say they’ll improve tomorrow.

What if tomorrow never comes?

Social media & technology have made people lose their appreciation of time. Time should be the single most cherished commodity we have in life as it is the most limited aspect of being alive. You never know when your string of life is going to finally unravel from the spool, yet people are living as though there’s no end in sight.

Time is like an angel – beautiful beyond measure & flying high. When people try to capture time, what they are doing is they’re grabbing the angel and cutting off its wings.

When you’re ‘capturing’ the moment on Facebook, not enjoying yourself but rather trying to promote yourself and show the world how great you are, you’re destroying the beauty of time, you’re destroying that moment.

When you say you’ll start your diet tomorrow, what you’re doing is you’re saying tomorrow is guaranteed and with that mindset you’re destroying the beauty of how short our lives really are.

Start living like you’re going to die, because you are. Start taking action in the now because tomorrow is never guaranteed to come for you. When you start living like your time on this Earth is limited, you’ll stop making excuses for your mediocre existence and instead will start living the life you want.

When you stop trying to capture and devalue time you’ll be able to recognize the beauty of it as it flies high with its wing. Enjoy that moment, stop trying to capture it. Immerse in watching that brief flight, before you know it it will be over and you’ll be the better person for watching the angel fly than you would if you were to just hold its lifeless and wingless body.

The time is going to pass either way and you are going to die, you might as well live.
Hunter

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Negative Visualizations

When I was 5 years old my mother committed suicide. This left my father to raise me and my 3 year old twin brother/sister on his own. My dad was a Navy man; always in and out then deploying. He needed a caretaker so we went to live with my grandmother.

She was a strict woman who lived through the Great Depression. As I grew up she instilled discipline, a ‘never quit’ work ethic, and appreciation. It’s the appreciation aspect I’m writing about in this post, as losing my mother and not having a father around combined with the instruction from my Grandmother created a man who has learned to truly immerse in and appreciate each moment.

The Red Pill introduced me to Stoicism and Stoicism introduced me to Negative Visualizations. Negative Visualizations was a mental tool I naturally developed, but learning it had a name enables me to relay the message a little more clearly to others.

I start every morning by waking up and taking a moment to think on and inventory my life. I do this through performing negative visualizations immediately after waking up. I visualize that my wife and kids die on this day. I let the pain fully wash over me, I feel it in my heart, my mind, and my entire ‘self’. Then, I slowly bring myself back, I dial my mind in and remind myself that my wife is next to me, breathing softly, beautiful as ever. I remind myself that my kids are asleep in their beds, innocent, pure, and alive.

I get out of bed, do the morning routine, and before I leave I always tell my wife and kids that I love them, because I do and I’m aware of how lucky I am to still have them in my life. Kissing your child’s forehead means more when you know it could be the last time.

I appreciate each moment with them more because I’ve made myself feel the pain of losing their presence in my life.

Life is not guaranteed, yet people live as though they have all the time in the world.

In my post Intentional Discomfort I wrote about removing comforts from your life so you truly appreciate them. Warm water, your phone, your bed, etc.

It isn’t practical to ‘remove your wife and kids’ so you have to do it through a sort of ‘thought experiment’. Remove them in your mind, remove their smells, their smiles, their voices and laughs, all of them. Immerse in the void you create in your heart, soak in the abyss and feel the pain. Now, bring them back to life. 

Tell me that this doesn’t make you smile just a little bit more when you see them. Tell me that it doesn’t make you want to put the phone down and get on the floor with your kid and play.

We’re so caught up in the hustle of modern living that we are getting distracted from what matters most, the time we have with those we love.

This goes beyond family; I perform negative visualizations with every day life. I’ve visualized my wife cheating, I’ve visualized being doxxed, I’ve visualized getting fired, I’ve visualized crashing my Jeep, etc.

This prepares me for the moment when something does happen I’m not caught off guard, unable to cope or perform. I’ll have a rough game plan as to what I need to do because I’ve already played it out in my mind.

Don’t get it twisted, I don’t mope around all day thinking of terrible things that could happen. Just recognize that you should periodically immerse in a shitty scenario and ensure you’ve got the fortitude to not only handle it but rather come out on top.

I love my wife, if she were to cheat I’m ready for it and will survive.

I love my children to death, but if they were to die I’ll know I gave them everything and that I was in all of our moments together.

I’ll go to my deathbed without regret because I make sure I appreciate the moments I have with those I love. I Hang my Polaroids and I prepare myself mentally to react to the chaos that we call life.

The ancient Stoics had it right, if you’d like to read more on Stoicism here are my recommendations:

 Letters From a Stoic: Seneca

 Marcus Aurelius: Meditations

The Discourses of Epictetus

 The Enchiridion: Epictetus (Shortened version of Discourses)

 A Guide to the Good Life: William Braxton Irvine

 The Obstacle is the Way: Ryan Holiday

I’ve read all of these books and each has added to my ‘mental toolbox’. We need to remind ourselves that we need to be as equally strong in our mind as we are in our body.

Developing this mental strength requires training and negative visualizations are one such exercise which will lead to a stronger, more fortified masculine mind.

Hunter

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The Burden of Family

Nick Kelly recently released a Podcast [Listen Here].

In the Podcast he answers the question as to whether he’ll get married or into an LTR and have kids. He says(paraphrased), “no, not now – possibly not ever.” He then goes on to discuss how he puts work before all else and all of the married men & fathers he knows have lost their fire.

When I heard this I nodded in agreement as having a family does reduce a man’s output. I let the thought go and listened to the rest of the audio clip which conveniently ended right before I finished my commute from work.

I didn’t come back to this topic until I was laying down with both of my kids. I had intended to work on editing the TFA book, but both my son and daughter came up to me right before I was going to put them down for a nap (we had a late party to attend that night) and they asked if we could have a ‘family nap’(think Willy Wonka’s grandparents, everyone in the bed nappingbasically I’ll nap with them, one on each side – me in the middle.

My immediate instinct was to say “No” as I had edits to do, but I thought of all the other times where I’ve said No the past 2 weeks because I was studying for finals, knocking out assignments, writing posts, etc.

So I said, “Yes.”

While lying there I thought of Nick Kelly’s point on Work. I was also thinking of how there is nowhere in the world I’d rather be than laying on that bed with both of their little heads on my chest listening to them lightly snoring, in rhythm. I thought of how choosing to nap with them over editing was me placing the ‘work’ I had to do with them over the work I had to do on the book.

I caught myself thinking of this/that and intentionally forced myself to immerse in the now. Hearing their snores, their soft hair, the warmth from their little bodies, my mind was warmed by the comfort & joy that comes from knowing your kids still need you.

I won’t have these moments for much longer and that’s a sobering thought. My son is becoming a man, more and more independent with each passing day. Same with my daughter, I find her asking for help less and less with the passing months.

I chose this life; I purposely chose the grind of fatherhood knowing that by doing so, I’d become a less productive individual with regard to my own pursuits.

But that’s the point; their development, upbringing, and life experiences have become a part of my work.

This is an aspect of fatherhood & marriage that is lost on many men. They view their wife and kids as a burden, they think they would be better if only they were single.

This is a flawed mentality and it is where the FAMILY aspect of being a Family Alpha comes into play.

Nick Kelly can travel to anywhere at anytime he chooses. Illimitable Man can pump out a high workload of writing without having to worry about dedicating time to others. Some men view them with envy, wishing “if only I weren’t married with kids” as if their failure to perform has to do with their life status.

Married men and fathers, look upon your wife & kid(s) as fuel, not an anchor. Recognize that your role in life is different than the single guys out there. They can travel in a moments notice while you are raising the next generation of men and women who will raise the standard of masculinity and femininity in our society.

When you create a pathway to act as your son’s Rite of Passage you are doing your work as a masculine man. When you lead your wife to staying in shape, being a freak in the sheets, and allowing her to fill her feminine role you are doing your work as a man. Most of the work done by the Family Alpha’s out there is done in silence. We are the Silent Professionals of the Manosphere; the men who write on our blogs when the family has gone to sleep, in between activities with the kids, or while a wife is talking to us and seeking guidance.

We are the men who have to wake up earlier to get time alone and stay up later to get edits done. We make time to lift, read, and write while also leading a wife, educating our children, and ensuring the entire clan is truly living, getting the most of their days, and Hanging Polaroids.

We not only have to maintain our own standard but we must also maintain the standard of those whom we lead. Masculine men walk their path alone, stop looking at other men and comparing your life to their’s, because they aren’t looking over at you. Masculine men invest their time in improving themselves and putting in work, stop wasting time with the envy or playing the ‘if only‘ game. Single vs married vs parent with regards to masculinity is a fucking retarded comparison to make. Men aren’t more or less masculine because of their relationship status and whether they’ve reproduced or not. All that matters is the man alone, so stop looking for excuses as to why you aren’t performing as a masculine man should.

You’ve got work to do; married or a parent it makes no difference, you need to set the bar from which excellence will be measured. Take what you’ve got and make it the greatest it can be. Your wife and kid, they’re a part of your work as a man, so invest the time to lead them and don’t think for a second they are an acceptable excuse for your failure to perform; they’re a part of your performance.

Your wife is a reflection of your performance as a man, your Sons and Daughters are a reflection of your performance as a man. Your ‘self’ grows when you take on the responsibility of others (wife) or when you decide to create a life (Kids). They are now extensions of you and are equally important in regards to development and caring for as you would your ‘self’.

If you’re a FAMILY Alpha, then you need to view these extensions of self as motivation to push forward. You may not produce as much as you’d like, that’s fine as it shows you have hunger. Don’t let it get you down, instead let it be the fuel which causes you to rise to new heights. Family men are forced to be better with regards to time management. If you aren’t hitting your personal goal of productivity, take a look at how your normal day plays out and find the time sinks then remove them.

Sacrificing sleep may be necessary, just ensure you’re doing all of this for you and not because you feel you need to keep up with other guys. Do your thing and everything will be alright; never accept mediocrity, refuse to reward failure, and do not allow yourself to be come complacent. Periodically insert some Intentional Discomfort in your life and be objectively honest with yourself when you ask the question, “Am I really doing the best I can?”

Hunter

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