Mentouring – A 21 Convention Review

First off, I have to give credit where credit is due, my wife came up with the term mentouring.

While I wouldn’t say that the speakers themselves are “touring” to provide their speeches, the event itself is literally touring the globe and speakers are coming from across the nation.

The 21 Convention is an international convention and one that is continuing to grow, especially after having incorporated The Red Pill community.

I haven’t written a post in a few weeks as I’ve been working on my thesis (submitted & graded – 100% finally done with my Master’s) as well as preparing for the convention.

This piece will be my only written review of The 21 Convention. I will be doing a Podcast with Craig James of Masculine by Design as well as Gentlemen Jak from A King’s Castle.

Departure

Leaving the family is never fun, but our families are not our mission and there are times where we must separate what we want to do from what we have to do.

I had to attend this; writing, speaking, and helping other men learn how to better help themselves is my mission in life and there are times where it conflicts with my responsibilities as a husband and father.

This is the burden men have, this is the cross we bear.

Attending this event was going to change my life, I knew this going into it. I also knew that by attending this event I was going to miss two of my son’s baseball games, a team which I am the head coach of.

Missing those games sucked, fortunately for me I have a stellar wife who recorded videos and kept me up to date with what was going on (they won both).

My wife made the distance seem a little smaller, and I greatly appreciated her doing that for me.

The Speakers

I interacted with every speaker, but the ones I am going to list here are the ones that made an impact:

Rian Stone: I think the first thing he said to me was, “Hey faggot” from there everything was exactly as you’d expect from two sailors. I was with this guy every day before he had to take off early and quite literally the reason my speech did so well was because of the one he gave right before me that I built upon. He’s a solid dude who was exactly what I expected.

Rian is the kind of guy that if he showed up at my house today, we’d be right back at it. Similar to my approach, he made himself available to everyone the entire time,  and one who showed exactly why he was invited to speak.

Ivan Throne: Ivan and I spent each day together discussing family, business, the future, the present, and the past. I became instant friends with him as well as his dog, which I’ve come to calling SwoopDogg as this canine got more chicks flocking to him in one night than the entirety of the convention all week.

Ivan is the real deal, he’s passionate about what he believes in and his presentation was one which struck a chord with the men attending. He pulled no punches and drove the point home that as men, it is our duty to act and if you choose the path of passive existence, you need to get the fuck out of the way.

I do not believe this was the last time I’ll be seeing him in person.

Rollo Tomassi: This fucking guy is the OG of TRP & in my mind the Manosphere in general, he’s a funny motherfucker, and in all honesty was one of the leading forces behind the shift in the 21 Convention’s direction.

Rollo made himself completely accessible to the attendees and I think he took the brunt of the questions, stories, and overall swarm of discussion. Again, this is not an easy tasking nor is it required for him to do so.

I wanted to talk to him as much as everyone else, but this was about them, not us and Rollo was a fucking champ about it the entire time.

We’ve all read the posts, but to hear him speak on the subjects of masculinity, hypergamy, etc. it brings new life to those old words and really drove the point even deeper in your mind.

Rollo has a post for everything and I half expected him to pass out papers of essays instead of answering questions, but night after night he was there with a line of men trying to get a hold of this Red Pill rock-star. He’s is a standup guy who lives the message he writes.

Tanner Guzy: Tanner is a guy who I’ve messaged behind closed doors to let know that I appreciated his writing and while we don’t really interact that much on the web, I’m a huge fan of everything he has going on.

When we met in person, it was an immediate familiarity. He came right in, shook hands, said hello, and we just kicked it off. His wife was there as his photographer and she was incredibly nice as well. I spoke with both of them at a house party about my kids, their kids, online business, etc.

Tanner and his wife are quality people and I believe they’re exactly what this world needs more of. My blog and future products are going to be of higher quality directly because of the conversations we shared.

Goldmund Unleashed: Goldmund is the real deal, there is no conformist, fake, or ‘showman’ in him. He is who he is and does what he does.

He is the most immediately connected man I met at the event, quite literally he just popped up behind Rian and I with his coffee and it was all smiles and joking from there. I’m not even sure we formally met, we just started talking and having a great time.

That laid back attitude can be misinterpreted as going with the flow, which if you heard his speech that is not the case at all. He created a solid layout for these men to help them start looking inside themselves to find out who it is they truly are and where it is they want to go.

He gives a shit and took time to speak with each man who wanted a book, to check out his Masculine Accessories (I got some swag and my T levels jumped by 50).

He also helped each man who presented their individual insecurities with talking to women; that isn’t easy when you’ve got 20+ men asking you for a tailored program, but Goldmund hung in there and answered them all.

Christian McQueen: Christian was the person my wife was worried about as he is ‘The Playboy‘ and seeing the dude live, it’s no fucking joke. He is intense when it comes to business, professional when it comes to dealing with those asking questions, and a fucking blast to be around. I had a few conversations with the guy and he is a stand up dude who I’d want in my corner any day.

It wasn’t all girls either. We talked masculinity, business, family, etc. Most try to pigeonhole him into this one caricature when in fact he is much more and I think that bothers people.

He knows his shit and for me, as a married man with kids in a totally different stage in life, I still connected with the message as authenticity and masculinity are universally understood and respected.

Socrates: This fucking dude. I didn’t get much time with him at all as people always jumped in, but god dammit if I didn’t feel like I knew the guy forever. During our ‘post event‘ interview with Rollo, I was so fucking exhausted that one glass of Crown I drank during the interview blacked me out. I don’t remember shit from the interview except laughing my ass off with Socrates.

I later found out that I went to eat with Soc and ended up passing the fuck out at the table. Don’t mix no sleep with booze.

If that interview comes to light, I expect you’ll be laughing as hard as we were.

Anthony Johnson: I saved the best for last. This is the dude who made it happen and the final ‘Yes‘ to get me to this event. We didn’t get to interact much as his was handling everything for the event, but he believes in what it is he says and the mission/challenge he has taken on, just wait until you hear his final speech, motivating as fuck.

The Event

My wife asked me, “Why did you stay for every speech and always go down to the bar or out with the guys when you could grab some needed sleep?”

The answer was simple, I wanted to provide every opportunity I could for the men attending to see another man living his passion, embodying his message, and finding comfort in the discomfort.

I wasn’t sleeping well while in Florida, maybe 2-4 hours a night. But, how could I tell these men to push past their comfort zone if I was making sure I squeezed in naps?

Few, if any speaker stayed for the entirety of the event. I did, not because I really cared about what everyone was putting out, but rather because I knew that during each break these men would be asking me questions about the subject being discussed and if I wasn’t listening, I’d have no clue what they were talking about.

I, along with every other speaker was swarmed during each break, each dinner, event, outing, etc.

That shit is mentally taxing.

I wasn’t truly prepared for the relentless questions, stories, etc. On top of that, I gave my first live presentation and first speech in front of a crowd ever, I was nervous as shit and to receive a standing ovation after the fact was surreal.

It was a little overwhelming at first but I did my best to keep up and ensure I was saying what I meant and giving everyone their own time and attention.

Still, even when speakers were trying to talk to one another and would be interrupted, we’d give the attendee our all and didn’t treat it as any sort of annoyance,  we weren’t there for ourselves, we were there for the attendees.

The men who dedicated their time and money gaining access to those who were sending out a message of masculine reclamation deserved everything we had to offer, and each of us gave it.

I hung out in downtown Orlando with these men until 0400, then attended conferences from 0900 to 1900 then went out again until 0300 walking the streets with Jack Donovan and Ivan Throne which is something that I, as well as the other men will remember for quite some time.

This event was a game changer & 2018 is going to be even better.

Anthony Johnson has created the next step for the ‘Manosphere’ and the fight to reclaim masculinity in men’s lives and preserve it in our society.

He is removing the medium, bringing men together, and producing content at a rate which is impressively aggressive.

Return & What’s Next?

I’ve been home for roughly three days now and I’ve dedicated most of that time to thinking about, what now?

For the speakers, I hope this acts as fuel for future growth and desire to help get content out for those men who continue to struggle, plugged-in to a society who hates their authentic nature.

For the attendees, I hope the words were received and a plan is being formulated to put them into action.

Remember, Acta, Non VerbaDeeds, Not Words.

You spent valuable time and money to attend the event, make it count towards something. You need to make those words received become fuel for tangible improvements in your life. You attended The 21 Convention for a reason, now face that reason head on and make sure you come out on top.

Living an authentically masculine life sets an example which breaks the bonds for your brethren. Your example will allow them to break the conformist ranks, so take action and embody your message.

For myself, I’ve seen these men face to face. I’ve shaken their hands, heard their stories, and witnessed how real this all is. I hope to create products and write pieces which act as a catalyst for sustained superior performance.

I’m not worried about the next two weeks as these men are riding a high, I’m worried about two months from now when the desire of comfort comes creeping in. When it does, my writing will be there to catch any man who begins to fall back into the hole from which they came.

All of the speakers threw a rope to those who needed help to climb out of that hole. Now you must climb, and when you reach the top, you must ask yourself, do you march forward living the rest of your life in a genuine manner, or do you choose to stick around and throw a rope to the next man.

Either way you’re right, but those who choose to throw a rope, I look forward to seeing the resources and content you provide.

Hunter

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Dear Daughter

Be the masculine presence that shows her what a man is supposed to be and how he should act.

Be the masculine presence that shows her what a man is supposed to be and how he should act.

Dear Daughter,

Throughout your life there will be people who try to attribute all of your successes as well as all of your errors to your gender. They’ll trivialize your failures and steal your success. These people may not be cognizant of what they’re doing, so I’m going to make you aware.

You and your brother think differently, act differently, and are built differently physiologically. Because of this I’m sure you’ve noticed that your mother and I have catered our approach to the two of you. Sometimes you get away with more than your bother and sometimes your brother gets away with more than you. We’ve raised the two of you differently, yet loved you both the same, with everything we have in our hearts.

With that said, there are certain topics which both your brother as well as yourself will have the exact same standards set.

School

While the rest of the world tries to hammer you with their expectations of what girls should be doing, I’d like you to know that you are not living a life according to anyone’s script but your own. Your mother and I have tried our hardest to keep you shielded from the influence of society so that you could develop your genuine self.

But someday you’ll be venturing out into the world without me being there for you to grab by the hand. Maybe it’s when you go to college; if you choose to do so I never want to hear that you are focusing solely on STEM careers & degrees because that’s where women are underrepresented.

You are a bright star in a dark world, you need to let that light shine and the only way to keep that fire burning is for you to continue to follow your passions, natural abilities, and personal goals that you’ve set for your life.

Go into whatever field you want to, then live your life by writing the lines up as you say them instead of following the script.

Work

While society continues to push a completely false narrative and they receive assistance via ads like the one above, you aren’t getting off the hook that easy.

When you enter the workforce it is going to be your responsibility to negotiate your compensation. If you feel you’re worth a set amount, then you make someone pay that amount to get you; if you’re as good as you believe, they will.

If you see a man doing the exact same job and he is getting paid more, look at why. It’s possible he’s doing more than you see such as putting in later hours, working side projects, taking fewer vacations, etc.

All of this research into his pay vs your’s will act as bullets in your gun. You can then march to your boss and fire them off asking why he is getting more when you’re doing x, y, z.

If there is no acceptable justification, then you choose your genuine self over the comfort of the job – leave.

I am not going to berate you for choosing to stand up for yourself. I’m also not going to allow your poor negotiation skills and research which causes you to take a job making less than others be tossed up as inequality for women.

It isn’t inequality, it’s poor planning on your part and you know it.

You are my daughter, you know that in this family we choose that difficult path of reality over the comfort of the lie.

Life

You and your brother grew up with a masculine father and feminine mother, you were able to see how harmoniously a family operates when everyone is filling their natural roles.

It is now your turn to fill the role you carve out for yourself.

Don’t let your sisters in society make you feel ashamed for who you are. Don’t let them give you excuses for your failures. Own them, make your life your life and when you lose, don’t blame it on being a woman; when you win, don’t let other girls take it as something which helps their sex.

You win. You lose. You live.

Love Always,

Dad

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cigoL Fat Edition

This will become a running series of sorts. Backwards logic can be found in most modern movements, such as the ‘Health at every size‘. With that said, this post will obviously be focusing on the Fat that’s weighing my country down.

To think you can ignore a problem until it resolves itself is so backwards and illogical that if I hadn’t witnessed it firsthand time and again, I’d never believe people actually behaved like this.

Saying you love someone more than anything yet you’re unable to directly confront them on an issue should show you that you do not love them more than you love the current comfort you’re enjoying in your life. That obese child is not going to ‘grow out of it‘, that chubby teen girl is not going to ‘blossom into a beauty‘, there is never going to be a ‘right time’ to have the difficult conversation with these loved ones about their issues…

But you have too…if you do not, they’ll eventually reach the point of ‘no return’ and forever suffer the entirely preventable negative health complications which could have been avoided had you only had the courage to say something.

I’ve already covered the growing (no pun intended) population of Funny Fat Guys as well as the need to work with your wife to Balance the Scales so I will focus this post on those we interact with on a relatively frequent basis or are a part of our lives and we give enough of a shit about them that we are willing to take the difficult, yet necessary actions.

*I’d like to note, this applies to those who are extremely underweight as well.

We’ll be covering:

  1. Fat Family
  2. Fat Kids
  3. Fat Friends
  4. Fat Pets

Fat Family

You don't have the time you think you have, act now before it's too late to make a difference.

You don’t have the time you think you have, act now before it’s too late to make a difference.

You may have a fat mom, dad, brother, or sister and while you’ve noted their growing weight and declining health, you’ve avoided directly bringing it up or looking the other way when they struggle to get out of a chair, move around a restaurant, or fit on a plane; how has that worked for you and them so far?

How has their life improved because of your silence? How are you able to talk about their declining health, possibly to other members in your family without reaching the point where you throw your comfortable relationship to the side in order to do what must be done?

You must make the difficult decision now to risk losing that person and forever ruining the relationship in order to save their life.

I know it sucks, I know you feel your heart try to rip through your chest when you think of it. I know you feel you won’t have the right words or that the conversation will turn immediately to blame, yelling, anger, regret, guilt, etc.

I know that this could result in a strained relationship for the rest of their life without improvement of health on their part so you’ll feel it was all for naught…

But that isn’t the truth, because if you do make the decision to have that conversation and take that more difficult path of direct confrontation, you’ll be able to go to the grave knowing that at least you tried.

When everyone else stood in the stands watching this loved one eat themselves to the grave you stepped into the arena and fought.

Maybe you win, maybe you lose, but at least when your family member is struggling with confidence, unable to live, and slowly dying in front of your eyes while all others wish they’d done more and for the rest of their days will have that regret, you will not, because you acted.

Others may say that you calling your family member out is disrespectful, especially if it is a parent, but this isn’t about respect or allowing others to remain comfortable, it’s about life. When you are fat you lack confidence, you lack physical capability, and you suffer preventable health complications on the mind as well as body. You carry that weight mentally, physically, and spiritually.

You cannot hang Polaroids if you cannot live…

Fat Kids

This is becoming the 'norm' Stop It

This is becoming the ‘norm’ Stop It

Your children will perform to the standard you accept, not the one you expect.

There are a lot of parents of fat children who talk about how, back in their day they didn’t have tablets. What kind of bullshit sorcery are these people talking about, these parents buy their kid a tablet then bitch about kids on tablets.

They can’t bitch about kids on tablets, I can because when the sun is out, my kids are out. I’m not having a screen raise them, in fact I advise families Kill the TV and start investing in quality time together.

Fat kids are the product of weak parents, this is a non-negotiable fact and I have spent hours arguing/discussing this with people in my real life and online. There is no reason a child should be overweight *barring diagnosed conditions which are wicked fucking rare & even those conditions only account for 10-20lb weight gain.

The reason kids are fat is because they are sedentary for a plethora of reasons, their diet is fucking shit, and their parents don’t give a fuck or are placing emphasis on work and comfort over the more difficult path of actually raising their Sons (Post Here for Boys) & Daughters (Post here for girls).

Your child’s life is heavily influenced by the standard of upbringing they receive from you, the parent. The habits, relationship with food, fitness, and overall approach to life will be developed from the actions you’re taking.

Kids follow your example, not your advice.

If you are eating right and working out, there is no reason that you should not be applying this to your child’s life as well. They are never too young to get active and get moving with you or on their own.

My daughter is 4 and she was downstairs with me today doing kettlebell swings while my wife and I dead-lifted. Then, she was showing me how close she is to doing a split and asking about stretches. My son is the same way, always doing push-ups or climbing, running, etc. The kid was outside late last night using our front light as a spotlight so he could keep throwing his football in the air and try to catch it one-handed “like Odell Beckham Jr.

Foster an environment in your home where you cook with your kids, have them cook for you, and while you’re doing so talk to them about the ingredients being added and what each one does for your body. Make your kids a part of your exercise program and have fun with it.

This doesn’t have to be some strict food & fitness Nazi style parenting. My kids have snacks, but instead of ice cream I’ll give them frozen grapes, or they’ll make their own fruit concoctions.

Make it fun and develop a healthy household where people eat to live and aren’t living just to eat.

Fat Friends

This photo has always disgusted me, it was the beginning of my understanding of how far men have fallen.

This photo has always disgusted me, it was the beginning of my understanding of how far men have fallen.

People say you’re the result of those you keep close company with. Look at your friends, are they fit or are they fat?

Have you ever approached your fat friend or are you taking the, “They’re an adult, I don’t have any business or responsibility saying anything to them about their weight.” approach? Because I’m telling you right now, if any of the guys pictured above were my friend I would absolutely be talking to them about un-fucking their life.

What’s the worst that can happen, you lose a friend because you tell them they are going to destroy their life for no reason other than being gluttonous? Is losing someone who can’t take your advice/opinion really a friend in the first place?

I get it, we all want to be comfortable and just have a good fucking time, but these guys and girls who you call ‘friends’, their fat selves are going to start experiencing the pain of being fat and act like they don’t know why they’re sick, why they can’t get pregnant, why their joints hurt, why they can’t climb the mountain or jet-ski with you and your girl…

They’re going to suffer, and suffer, and suffer all because nobody has the fucking balls to tell them that all of their extra weight is killing them.

Grab your fucking balls and have that difficult conversation, if you lose the friendship then at least you know how weak it was in the first place.

Fat Pets

I focus on dogs as I’m a dog guy, insert whatever pet you have; the advice remains the same.

I don’t laugh when I see dogs that are fat as shit and have a hard time running around. I’m a ‘dog guy’, the photo above is my most loyal companion, the only thing in this world which loves me more than himself and I’ll never stop appreciating that.

When I see bulldogs or other dogs which have a stockier build I immediately look to see if the dog is being treated like he’s a frat brother. People think certain animals are supposed to be fat so they’ll feed them Cheetos, have them drink beer, and just treat the animal like it’s a fucking garbage disposal. They don’t exercise it regularly nor do they bring it anywhere to ‘experience’ the outdoors.

Your dog doesn’t need to be eating Blue Buffalo, but god damn, give some attention to what it’s funneling down its throat.

The same goes for exercise and ‘life experience’. Has your dog ever been to a lake, the ocean, a park, or the woods? If all it has seen is the block you walk around and your backyard, why the fuck do you have a pet?

This animal needs to burn energy; a tired dog is a happy dog.

I bring my dude places in the Jeep, sneak him to a lake we aren’t supposed to swim at, let him run the woods, and we get Target brand food. The best? Negative, but it’s better than the crap that you get for .99/lb we’ll also supplement his food with richer proteins & meat occasionally.

Ensure you’re setting the standard for everyone in your clan, too include your loyal companions.

I understand this is a sensitive subject, but when you look at the ‘big picture’ isn’t a little discomfort now, better than a big discomfort later when everyone realizes that maybe their isn’t health to be found at every size…

-Hunter

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The Pride

Take Pride in You

Take Pride in You

 

Gentlemen, once you’ve  recognized the need to destroy The Void in your heart and eradicate the The Shame from your mind by reaching out to your brethren you can then experience something which has eluded your grasp for too long, a sense of pride.

Masculinity has been under attack for so long that most men now default to not taking pride in any attribute which may bring into question their support of the feminine imperative.

I’m here to tell you – Fuck. That.

As you go through the process of reclaiming your masculine nature you’ll eventually find yourself in a situation where you’re faced with the choice of vocalizing your masculine identity or continuing on with the facade (remaining a Clown).

Brothers, I’m telling you now, after you’ve face down those dark clouds and chose to stop repressing your genuine self, you deserve to take pride in the man you’ve created. 

Choosing the comfort of the lie is so easy; it’s so fucking easy to remain comfortable and to sit there and eat what you want, never get sore, and avoid all the discomfort out there in the world; it’s so damn easy. Yet, for whatever reason, you chose to find the comfort in the discomfort of reality. You’ve chosen to express your masculine nature when everyone around you wanted you to do the opposite. You chose to invest in you and live a life as the ‘real’ you vice the scripted you.

Take pride in that brother, you deserve it.

The whole world has told you the opposite. Our society has tried to snuff out that masculine fire since you were born and at some point maybe they didbut like the Phoenix, you chose to rise from the ashes, burning hotter than ever.

You’ve been told not to be a presence, but rather to make yourself meek and unimposing. You’ve been told to refrain from being aggressive, competitive, and lustful in any way. Women have told you to share feelings, your mother has told you to be a nice boy, and teachers have told you to sit still and your limitless energy is something you need to ‘get control over’.

This went on for years and for years you learned to default your decisions and behaviors to that of a man who fit the Mold and didn’t make waves, until now.

When you face that inevitable moment where you decide weak or strong, meek or masculine remember all of the days, weeks, and years where you chose the former and look where it’s gotten you.

You’ve gone long enough beating back your true nature, you’ve repressed your genuine self long enough. For possibly the first time in your life you now have someone telling you, take pride in being a man.

Own every aspect of that newfound sense of self and let the haters watch the show you’re about to put on. While you live, they’ll comment from the sideline. Before you know it you’ll have yourself in the arena and you’ll be laughing at the man in the stands saying the day is hot.

Embrace you and when the time comes, show the true you. Tell people, “No.” when that’s the answer. Stop trying to alleviate your decision or soften the blow by proving justifiers, tell someone No and then go about your business. Own every aspect of your masculinity take pride in:

  • Your sexuality. It’s OK to want sex, take pride in that lustful fire burning in your loins.
  • Your competitive & aggressive nature. You should want to win. I’ve gotten into physical fights over games of checkers and chess – fuck it, be in it to win it.
  • Your romantic nature. Men live hard, they also love hard and have very passionate feelings towards whatever they find of value. I lose sleep some nights because I can’t stop thinking of the men who fucking hate themselves and their lives. My wife asks why I’m not in bed and I tell her my mind is full. Sometimes I’ll share a little and ask her if she knows how I can get these men to just ‘wake up’ and recognize that they are their problem and they are also their solution. She tells me I worry too much about things I can’t control, but also that she is glad her man has a fire in his heart when so many are content and numb to feeling anything or caring enough to do anything about the things that do bother them.
  • Your desire to lead. My relationship isn’t 50/50 and I’ve said that to others, it blows their fucking mind when I say that I lead my marriage. Of course they turn to my girl and challenge my statement through her and she laughs saying she loves being able to enjoy the ride while I handle business. Of course there are areas where we come together, she is a responsible woman and she has on more than 10 occasions made the better decision than what I was going to make. I listen and if she’s right I adjust to her plan, still leading the venture. When we are dead-locked I make the final call, think of it as a 51-49 relationship. Embrace your own desire, you’re a man step up and lead, stop waiting for someone to take care of you.
  • Your sense of ‘Self’. You don’t need your wife’s permission to grow a beard or mustache. At the same time, you need to make sure you aren’t just going with the easiest ‘self’ you can create. Don’t walk around saying, “My real self plays video games all day, fuck what society and women want me to do.” You have a role to fill, there’s a reason I call this blog The Family Alpha. You’re the leader of your clan, you’ve got to set the standard from which all others will be measured. Be the true you, not the lazy you and at the same time, be the you that you want to be. I have a beard, my wife told me she wasn’t a ‘beard girl’, I grew my beard anyway and guess what, now she’s definitely a ‘beard girl’. Watch what women do, never follow what they say.

The world doesn’t have to love you, you have to love you. It’s time to stop hiding from yourself and way past due for you to stop hiding yourself from the world. Own your shit, take pride in who you are and what it is you plan to do in this life. Pursue your goals and live un-apologetically. There’s no reason to be sorry for being a man, there’s nothing wrong with embracing your masculinity.

The negative feelings you have towards behaving like a man are due entirely to socially constructed ‘rules’ which are set up to keep you contained. Break free brothers and let the whole fucking world know that you are here to win.

Own it.

Acta Non Verba,

-Hunter
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The Shame

You were supposed to be a King; it was never supposed to be like this.

You were supposed to be a King; it was never supposed to be like this.

I was recently asked how a guy who was ashamed to show his body was supposed to start hitting the gym. This guy was a father, husband, and man who truly wanted to reclaim his masculine ‘self’ yet was too embarrassed and ashamed to take that first step out into the world. Like Quasimodo who was more comfortable in his tower this man chose video games over social exposure because that was what kept him comfortable and safe.

This post is for the men who suffer that crippling fear of judgement; those self-defeating thoughts that they’re too fat, too ugly, and too weak to achieve what they see others achieving online, in movies, on Twitter, and all over the internet. Those guys can do it because they’re luckier, richer, had easier lives, etc…

These men know that the excuses they’re using to justify why others are taking action while they remain stagnant are total bullshit, but it soothes the wound to the ego temporarily and it buys them time to do something else to distract them from reality; Netflix, Video Games, Computer, Phone, etc…

These men fear venturing into the world because they fear being ostracized and they can get over that absolutely overwhelming and crushing shame in what their body & mind have become.

They let fear of judgement overcome desire to improve; to quote Mark Baxter, “Their level of disgust in themselves has yet to exceed the desire to do nothing”.

With permission I’m sharing a part of my email back to him:

It isn’t just your body which is weak, it’s your mind as well and that’s ok; because now you know you’ve got to pull your head out of your ass and start living. You aren’t getting a ‘re-do’ on life. My blog is just a bunch of words; it’s your application of them which I’m writing for. 

With all of this said, I won’t tell you to find motivation in your kids or your wife, I’m going to tell you to find motivation in yourself because if you don’t believe in you, then why should anyone else? If you don’t believe in you then why should those you are leading believe in themselves?

Your kids follow your example, not your advice – they see when you keep the shirt on and when you are ashamed of your body.

There’s been enough of that in your life; too many days, weeks, and years have been spent doing it that way.

It’ time for a change brother, own it. Start having a blast and who gives the slightest fuck if someone looks, comments, or whatever – become unshakable and own this life.” – Hunter

The Shame

Men are told that if they followed this set path of don’t make waves, be nice, and share their feelings that they’d ‘get the girl‘ and their life would be set. They’d be the King of their castle, their wife would submit to their lead, and their children would sit around them absorbing the aura of masculinity being let off by their father.

That’s not reality and more men are finding this out day by day.

I’ve made it a point to consistently push the message that lifting weights is the 1st step towards reclaiming your masculine nature. What I’ve failed to address is how does the man who does not currently have the confidence to show his body at the gym take this step?

Before I answer it’s important to place yourself inside the mind of the ashamed man. Try to look at the world through his perspective and if this seems eerily familiar, recognize that this may be you.

The men who recognize something is wrong are the ones who start looking for answers. They have a void in their heart and an incredible sense of self-hate growing; this leads them to turning to Google or some form of social media to figure out what the problem is. They’ll stumble across the Manosphere, The Red Pill, or Married Red Pill subreddit and read for hours, sometimes days.

They’ll come out of this journey awakened to the fact that:

  1. The comfortable world they’ve been living in is a lie & now they’re uncomfortable.
  2. They are the source of their problem; not the excuses they’ve used up to this point.
  3. They have to do more to achieve more; their life of ease has to be destroyed and that’s a difficult thing to let go of.

These men now know that they’ve got to take action. Every other post they read contains a variation of, “Do you even lift Bro?

The issue is, they don’t know how to lift. More importantly, they don’t have the confidence to go somewhere or the discipline/finances to do it alone at home.

Gentlemen, I’m telling you now, you’ve suffered long enough. How many more days, weeks, years are you going to be the man who:

  • Is at the beach wearing shirts, sitting on the towels or wading deep enough into the water so you can squat low enough to hide your body under the water?
  • Can’t run around with your kids because you can’t run?
  • Is trying to take up as little space possible and remain unnoticed when you attend parties or functions?
  • Only feels the slightest sense of relief when you’re eating and at home yet when you’re done and see the empty soda bottles and pizza boxes feel disgust and more self-hate than you did before?
  • Cries when in the shower, driving home from work, or when you’re in bed next to your woman who won’t even consider touching your dick?
  • Contemplates suicide or eating yourself into an early grave while hiding in your ‘safe’ cave at home?

I get it brother, you feel those black clouds will forever hide that light you once felt as a young man; that masculine fire which burned so hot when you had passion for life has been snuffed out.

I’m telling you now, so long as you don’t give up on you, there is still hope for you to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. You have to act, you have to look deep inside one more time and give your masculine self one more shot. Except this time you have the words of Hunter Drew giving you fuel, telling you to Burn your motherfucking ship on the shore as there is no retreat, you’re going all in this time.

No longer will you eat to feel comfortable, no longer will you masturbate when your wife goes to the store, no longer will you sit while your child runs…

The shame you carry runs to your core. That’s how deep change is going to have to happen. Layer by layer you’re going to have to strip away the ‘make-up’ you’ve been putting over your true self. You’re going to have to stop living like a clown and start living like a genuine man.

When that raw genuine masculine skin first hits the surface it’s going to burn. Your friends and family are going to shit test you, your wife is going to think this is just another one of your attempts to ‘man up’ just like last New Year’s, your muscles will hurt from use and your mind will hurt from withdrawals from the sugar, porn, and other toxins that will eventually clear out.

What actions do you have to take to turn life around, reclaim your masculine nature, and develop a genuine sense of self before you’re able to hit the weights?

It starts with a conversation. It starts with taking the action of sending a message to an individual whom you connect with. Maybe you email me, maybe you email another member on the Manosphere, but you have to start the process by simply taking the action of giving enough of a shit about yourself that you swallow your pride, kill your ego, and reach out for help.

From there, you have to listen. That person, if they’re willing, is going to give you advice on how they succeeded. You’ll set goals, you’ll be held accountable, and there will be expectations that you uphold your end of the bargain.

Time is the most valuable asset we have, the masculine man you find worthy of filling the role of ‘mentor’ will not dedicate his time to a man who does not truly above all else, want to reclaim his life.

Be that man and burn the ship, it’s now or never brother.

Reach out and rid yourself of the shame that has plagued you for too long.

-Hunter
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The Void

Don't suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

Don’t suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

Are you a man that is living a lifestyle which somehow doesn’t feel quite right?

Do you feel as though there is this void, this sense of missed satisfaction and incomplete daily regret?

If you fall into this category, understand that you aren’t alone. The sense of missing something is shared by thousands, if not millions of men out there. It’s not just the married guys either; single dudes, guys in LTR’s – they all have this fucking void that they can’t fill.

I’m letting you know right now that this feeling of emptiness and this feeling of being ‘weighed down’ is a direct result of repressed masculinity. The feeling of having a weight vest on, one that prevents you from taking actions, telling jokes, achieving goals, and just barely allowing you to keep your head above water; these are the symptoms suffered by men who repress their masculinity and it isn’t going to get any better until you do something about it.

For the guys who just discovered the manosphere, it’s not your fault; the cards were stacked against you; from birth your reality and frame were stripped of you. Your life was molded by society and the white knight fucks supporting the female imperative. They gave you that mold with the warning: If you think outside this box you are wrong, ungrateful, pathetic, and weak – stay inside this box, keep your picture in this frame, and DON’T EVER CHALLENGE THE STATUS QUO.

Sad, but true.

For the guys who have discovered the manosphere and still continue to push back against the plight faced by yourself and your fellow men, you are a fucking disgusting gender traitor. I know it sucks to have your reality shattered the way The Red Pill does so efficiently, but it is still the truth and you must find comfort in this discomfort.

Even when you fight back saying ‘masculinity’ is how guys compensate, or what the fuck ever you still know the truth and no matter how bad you want to go back to how things were when you were a comfortable nice guy, you’ll never be able to hide from the strings you see controlling the system. Men who see the truth yet continue to choose their comfortable lie still have a void, though they’ll never admit it as their ego cannot allow them to do so.

The void where regret, indecisiveness, sadness, and self loathing fester and grow is surrounded by a wall that was created by those who are looking out for themselves. The people who say you shouldn’t be confrontational, that you shouldn’t express your true desires, that you should take it all, bottle it up, and shove it deep inside – those people aren’t following that advice, they want you to do it because that supports their goals.

Here are a few truths:

  • You will never get the best of your life or your women until you accept the truth, embrace who you are as a man, and live an irrationally confident lifestyle. You have to love her the way you want to love her, not the way you think she wants to be loved.
  • You will never fill that void until you find a way to love who you are as a man. To love who you are requires you to break the mold. For guys who get it this is natural, these are the guys who are able to stand in front of a group of people, tell a joke which lands flat, lay out a witty remark, and continue to smile and grab a drink. Other men would sulk, think deeply on why the joke sucked, and the rest of the night they would be lost in their head thinking of where they went wrong and why nobody likes them. Do you see the difference? A man is happy and confident no matter what.
  • You will go to your death bed with regrets if you don’t pull your head out of your ass and start completely immersing yourself in the moments of life all the while expressing your masculine nature vice repressing it. Starting creating moments vice numbing yourself weekly with booze, TV, and scrolling on your phone looking at girls from your high-school days.
  • You cannot fill this void with any object or a woman. No female or item in the world will fill the hole your ‘genuine self‘ belongs in.

The last point is probably the most heart wrenching in my eyes. If you do not find your ‘self’ you will look back on your entire life wondering why you squandered your most precious gift away, your time. You’ll go to your deathbed with regret, wishing, “If only I could go back to when I read that post on that blog. If I had just started that day I’d of achieved so much and experienced a world of joy.

I look at the guys who are asking for help and just want to throat punch them through the screen. There are men on TRP & MRP who are looking for other men to support their decision to stay with their repetitively cheating lady; as if their world would crumble if somehow that one relationship didn’t work. If she is cheating you probably deserve it and the relationship is most likely already dead, move the fuck on and get over your relationship PTSD.

The same can be said for the guys who want to know what decisions they should make in their lives. Gentlemen, it’s your life, read the posts, blogs, and books then make the decision you feel is best going to get you to where you want to be. You have to stop making excuses to justify your mediocre existence and performance up to this point and instead claim ownership and start taking actions.

In all of these cases we see men who don’t know where they want to be, they don’t know who they are so therefore how can they plan and act in accordance with reaching that end goal?

This is why it is so oft repeated it’s about YOU. You have to know who you are and what it is you want from this life. Do you know how you find out who you are?

  1. You Lift
  2. You Read
  3. You Listen
  4. You Act
  5. You Observe
  6. You Change
  7. Disregard the un-essential

In each of these moments you will discover something about yourself. You will see where you stand physically, mentally, socially, your level of confidence, and that you aren’t perfect which is great because there is no fun to be had if there is no room to grow.

Fill that void gentlemen, stop wasting your precious time with the feeling of regret that I know creeps into your mind at night, during rides to work, and while you are alone. That isn’t how life should be lived. You do not need your wife, your house, your kids, your money, or your car – you need you.

Once you realize that if everything were to be stripped away and you’d still smile – only then can you start taking actions and leading others towards where it is you want everyone to be without the fear and void that plagues so many of our brothers. Then and only then, will your rise from the ashes like a Phoenix and soar to your greatest masculine potential.

If you are struggling in silence & only see it getting worse, please email me: TheFamilyAlpha@Gmail.Com

-Hunter
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Xmas & NYE

Give the gift you want to give, not the one they want to get.

Give the gift you want to give, not the one they want to get.

This is my second Christmas writing on TFA. (Here’s a link to last year’s Christmas post) I’m a huge fan of the Christmas season. I know it’s commercialized as shit, but there’s something about the music, the cold, the snow, the food, the parties. Especially Christmas day, I love seeing my kids eyes light up when they see the presents, my wife getting mad I spent too much money on her but under that scowl is her blushing and a beautiful smile. I love how people come together and if even for a brief moment, life is the way it should be without distraction from this or that. We give each other our undivided attention and listen instead of waiting for our turn to talk. I aim to make every day like Christmas day (sans presents) but Christmas Eve/Day are truly an amazing time and I hope everyone is able to feel this way in their own heart and mind.

Surviving Christmas

The holiday season is upon us yet again and a lot of family men will be attending Christmas & New Year’s Eve parties in the very near future. Managing kids, time between families, and the emotional state of your own family can become quite stressful, for those who don’t have a plan.

I have found the combination of two quotes to be the perfect blend of what goes on when preparing for the ‘joy’ of taking your wife and kids from place to place with hundreds of variables requiring your attention.

1)      Failing to prepare means you’re preparing to fail

2)      With the spontaneity of the world, planning is the most destructive thing you can do.

These two quotes are at complete odds with one another, yet they perfectly capture what it’s like to lead a family during the holidays, on vacations, when attending events such as a weddings, birthday parties, etc.

As the Family Alpha, you’ve got to have a plan while being aware that your plan is completely fluid & must be adapted to the moment to moment situations & scenarios you’ll face.

There’s going to be people who’ve drank too much, people who pry and ask too many questions, people who give the kids candy when you told them not to, kids who will do what kids do yet it’s amplified in your mind as you’re trying to keep everyone on their best behavior, etc.

Can you do me a favor?

Breathe – deeper.

Life’s good man, you’ve got your wife and your kids, it’s Christmas Eve, it’s go time. Have fun with it, relax and fucking immerse in the moments.

Your family needs you to lead them through the Holiday chaos.

Your family needs you to lead them through the Holiday chaos.

Start by getting everyone on the same page. Hey guys, we’re going to go to X, then to Y, then to Z. Do you know what that requires? Get a response from them, ensure they’re aware of what is going to be required. They aren’t fully going to follow through, but at least they’ll have some sort of framework built in their head as to what’s expected, much better than winging it.

Also, if your wife is onboard with your plan, let her know what obtacles you expect to face.

  • Drunk Uncle
  • Gifts
  • Timelines
  • etc…

Most importantly, remember to let your wife know what your end goal is.

Example: I’m going to have dinner with family. I’ve made it clear that before the dinner, I don’t give a fuck what we do or where we go so long as we have what we’re bringing food-wise ready and have everyone dressed on time.

My end goal is to be home at a reasonable time (Between 7-8) as my brother in law is coming over and it is a tradition that him and I (my wife’s brother) set the gifts out, drink, and just hang out until we pass out or the sun comes up. My wife hangs with us but she’s always the first one to knock out and I’ll either wrap her up with a blanket on the couch and party around her or tuck her into bed.

Letting her know my end goal makes my wife aware that we are not playing games, drinking too much, or doing anything after the dinner. This will help me as she will start gathering the kids while I start the good byes, we’ll be out the door on time together, no issues.

Tell your wife what it is you want from the party you’re going to. Do you want to mingle with everyone or just do touch and goes then get out?

You can’t get upset at your wife for talking too much, ignoring you, or not following your game plan if you haven’t made your vision the family’s vision.

If you are dividing time between families, recognize that you guys may not have the same desires, try to accommodate everyone as best you can, but if you wife wants to have dinner at X and you want to have dinner at Y – either split up and go where you want or don’t go to either and find a third option. Neither of you can force the other to go anywhere, if you do they’ll just pout and ruin your time at the place you wanted to go, destroying the entire point of being there.

It’s ok to do things without one another, in my family we wouldn’t as we stick together but for some, just do your own thing. My wife and I are touch and go people, we visit, say hello, small talk, and then roll out.

Christmas Day is easier, people make it hard.

Don’t write any covert contracts, No, the gift you got your wife is not going to inspire some sudden transformation & submission, it’s a gift and I hope you gave it to her because you wanted to give it to her and not because you wanted something in return as that’s fucking weak.

Don’t expect some amazing gift either, just enjoy the time and company with your family.

Surviving New Year’s

Make 2017 the year you discover and display the genuine self you keep inside.

Make 2017 the year you discover and display the genuine self you keep inside.

1. The best way to make it to midnight on New Year’s is to get some quality rest on the nights leading up to it.

The way I do this is to continue lifting during the whole Christmas excitement. You’ll want to play with your new things, you’ll be excited from all of the goings on, and you’ll be mentally feeding off the energy of the season. The best way to combat that, for me at least, is to physically drain myself to fucking true exhaustion. Deadlifts, Squats, Bench, etc. I fucking kill it, I go to bed because I physically have to. The quality of sleep I get is great.

The day of New Year’s Eve I don’t lift and I don’t eat many carbs as I don’t want to crash. It’s worked so far. Solid sleep the nights before arms me with the ability to go the distance the night of the ‘big show’.

2. Save the caffeine until right before you need it. Pounding coffee all day won’t give you energy to midnight, it will give you the shits. Have a cup of coffee an hour after dinner.

I’ve seen guys take RedBulls to the face, Monsters, etc. They always end up wrecked with an upset stomach, acting like an annoying hyperactive spaz, or if they’ve been drinking doing stupid shit faster.

If you can, lay off the caffeine from the 26 to the 30th, then the night of the 31st have a cup of coffee, should do the trick.

3. Chill with the booze. How many ‘Countdowns’ have you missed because you were blacked out drunk or passed out?

Masculine men maintain control - Don't get sloppy.

Masculine men maintain control – Don’t get sloppy.

I turn 30 in February, so maybe I’m getting old. But, drinking isn’t as fucking cool as it used to be. I’ve missed a lot of shit because I was either blacked out and don’t remember or I fell asleep from drinking too much.

I still drink, but not like I used to because I realized, drunk does not equal fun. I used to think more booze meant more smiles, that’s not the case and to be honest, it’s not very masculine.

Masculine men know their limit and they don’t cross it as they don’t ever want to lose composure and come across as sloppy. That’s one of the worst things you can be, that sloppy guy who slurs, spills shit, has swings of emotions, etc.

Be a man, limit your intake and set a slow pace throughout the night. Make it to midnight as the man walking among boys. While the rest fall out, show that you can go the distance, be the one who is still able to kiss his girl into the New Year.

4. Kids. They need a parent to not forget they exist just because a party is going on.

My kids are 7 & 4, they’re going to be bouncing off the wall with the energy of the environment. What my wife and I have done is limit the desserts people funnel them (knock that shit off, food does not equal love) and ensure that they are drinking more water than juice throughout the night. Hydrated kids who aren’t filled with sugar and processed shit will pass out with relative ease.

Tuck them into somewhere quiet yet accessible so you can hear if they get up, if you’re at a party or hotel or wherever that isn’t home, waking up in a new place can be scary.

After the ball drops and you kiss your woman, go in and kiss your babies. You don’t have to wake them, but don’t forget about them. It’s just a digit on a calendar which changes, but there’s something special about knowing you started the year with a kiss. I’ve kissed my wife and kids into the New Year for as long as I can remember, give yourself that Polaroid.

5. Recognize you might be cranky the next day. People staying up past their bed time drinking, dancing, singing, etc. That is a great night, it’s not always a great morning.

Red men go to bed late & rise early, there's no rest for the Wicked.

Red men go to bed late & rise early, there’s no rest for the Wicked.

When you do your morning negative visualizations, remind yourself that you’re going to run into some overtired people and you too may be a little more irritable than usual. Just like when your wife is PMS’ing, you’ve got to cater your approach to everyone. There’s no need to start 2017 with everyone going after each other’s throats.

Be the leader of your family, keep everyone cool and at a 2 (3 tops). You see someone rising to level 10, shut it down with a reminder of how awesome the night was and divert their attention away from the annoyance.

Keep all of this in mind and you’ll start the New Year out right.

Happy New Year’s,
Hunter

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