cigoL Fat Edition

This will become a running series of sorts. Backwards logic can be found in most modern movements, such as the ‘Health at every size‘. With that said, this post will obviously be focusing on the Fat that’s weighing my country down.

To think you can ignore a problem until it resolves itself is so backwards and illogical that if I hadn’t witnessed it firsthand time and again, I’d never believe people actually behaved like this.

Saying you love someone more than anything yet you’re unable to directly confront them on an issue should show you that you do not love them more than you love the current comfort you’re enjoying in your life. That obese child is not going to ‘grow out of it‘, that chubby teen girl is not going to ‘blossom into a beauty‘, there is never going to be a ‘right time’ to have the difficult conversation with these loved ones about their issues…

But you have too…if you do not, they’ll eventually reach the point of ‘no return’ and forever suffer the entirely preventable negative health complications which could have been avoided had you only had the courage to say something.

I’ve already covered the growing (no pun intended) population of Funny Fat Guys as well as the need to work with your wife to Balance the Scales so I will focus this post on those we interact with on a relatively frequent basis or are a part of our lives and we give enough of a shit about them that we are willing to take the difficult, yet necessary actions.

*I’d like to note, this applies to those who are extremely underweight as well.

We’ll be covering:

  1. Fat Family
  2. Fat Kids
  3. Fat Friends
  4. Fat Pets

Fat Family

You don't have the time you think you have, act now before it's too late to make a difference.

You don’t have the time you think you have, act now before it’s too late to make a difference.

You may have a fat mom, dad, brother, or sister and while you’ve noted their growing weight and declining health, you’ve avoided directly bringing it up or looking the other way when they struggle to get out of a chair, move around a restaurant, or fit on a plane; how has that worked for you and them so far?

How has their life improved because of your silence? How are you able to talk about their declining health, possibly to other members in your family without reaching the point where you throw your comfortable relationship to the side in order to do what must be done?

You must make the difficult decision now to risk losing that person and forever ruining the relationship in order to save their life.

I know it sucks, I know you feel your heart try to rip through your chest when you think of it. I know you feel you won’t have the right words or that the conversation will turn immediately to blame, yelling, anger, regret, guilt, etc.

I know that this could result in a strained relationship for the rest of their life without improvement of health on their part so you’ll feel it was all for naught…

But that isn’t the truth, because if you do make the decision to have that conversation and take that more difficult path of direct confrontation, you’ll be able to go to the grave knowing that at least you tried.

When everyone else stood in the stands watching this loved one eat themselves to the grave you stepped into the arena and fought.

Maybe you win, maybe you lose, but at least when your family member is struggling with confidence, unable to live, and slowly dying in front of your eyes while all others wish they’d done more and for the rest of their days will have that regret, you will not, because you acted.

Others may say that you calling your family member out is disrespectful, especially if it is a parent, but this isn’t about respect or allowing others to remain comfortable, it’s about life. When you are fat you lack confidence, you lack physical capability, and you suffer preventable health complications on the mind as well as body. You carry that weight mentally, physically, and spiritually.

You cannot hang Polaroids if you cannot live…

Fat Kids

This is becoming the 'norm' Stop It

This is becoming the ‘norm’ Stop It

Your children will perform to the standard you accept, not the one you expect.

There are a lot of parents of fat children who talk about how, back in their day they didn’t have tablets. What kind of bullshit sorcery are these people talking about, these parents buy their kid a tablet then bitch about kids on tablets.

They can’t bitch about kids on tablets, I can because when the sun is out, my kids are out. I’m not having a screen raise them, in fact I advise families Kill the TV and start investing in quality time together.

Fat kids are the product of weak parents, this is a non-negotiable fact and I have spent hours arguing/discussing this with people in my real life and online. There is no reason a child should be overweight *barring diagnosed conditions which are wicked fucking rare & even those conditions only account for 10-20lb weight gain.

The reason kids are fat is because they are sedentary for a plethora of reasons, their diet is fucking shit, and their parents don’t give a fuck or are placing emphasis on work and comfort over the more difficult path of actually raising their Sons (Post Here for Boys) & Daughters (Post here for girls).

Your child’s life is heavily influenced by the standard of upbringing they receive from you, the parent. The habits, relationship with food, fitness, and overall approach to life will be developed from the actions you’re taking.

Kids follow your example, not your advice.

If you are eating right and working out, there is no reason that you should not be applying this to your child’s life as well. They are never too young to get active and get moving with you or on their own.

My daughter is 4 and she was downstairs with me today doing kettlebell swings while my wife and I dead-lifted. Then, she was showing me how close she is to doing a split and asking about stretches. My son is the same way, always doing push-ups or climbing, running, etc. The kid was outside late last night using our front light as a spotlight so he could keep throwing his football in the air and try to catch it one-handed “like Odell Beckham Jr.

Foster an environment in your home where you cook with your kids, have them cook for you, and while you’re doing so talk to them about the ingredients being added and what each one does for your body. Make your kids a part of your exercise program and have fun with it.

This doesn’t have to be some strict food & fitness Nazi style parenting. My kids have snacks, but instead of ice cream I’ll give them frozen grapes, or they’ll make their own fruit concoctions.

Make it fun and develop a healthy household where people eat to live and aren’t living just to eat.

Fat Friends

This photo has always disgusted me, it was the beginning of my understanding of how far men have fallen.

This photo has always disgusted me, it was the beginning of my understanding of how far men have fallen.

People say you’re the result of those you keep close company with. Look at your friends, are they fit or are they fat?

Have you ever approached your fat friend or are you taking the, “They’re an adult, I don’t have any business or responsibility saying anything to them about their weight.” approach? Because I’m telling you right now, if any of the guys pictured above were my friend I would absolutely be talking to them about un-fucking their life.

What’s the worst that can happen, you lose a friend because you tell them they are going to destroy their life for no reason other than being gluttonous? Is losing someone who can’t take your advice/opinion really a friend in the first place?

I get it, we all want to be comfortable and just have a good fucking time, but these guys and girls who you call ‘friends’, their fat selves are going to start experiencing the pain of being fat and act like they don’t know why they’re sick, why they can’t get pregnant, why their joints hurt, why they can’t climb the mountain or jet-ski with you and your girl…

They’re going to suffer, and suffer, and suffer all because nobody has the fucking balls to tell them that all of their extra weight is killing them.

Grab your fucking balls and have that difficult conversation, if you lose the friendship then at least you know how weak it was in the first place.

Fat Pets

I focus on dogs as I’m a dog guy, insert whatever pet you have; the advice remains the same.

I don’t laugh when I see dogs that are fat as shit and have a hard time running around. I’m a ‘dog guy’, the photo above is my most loyal companion, the only thing in this world which loves me more than himself and I’ll never stop appreciating that.

When I see bulldogs or other dogs which have a stockier build I immediately look to see if the dog is being treated like he’s a frat brother. People think certain animals are supposed to be fat so they’ll feed them Cheetos, have them drink beer, and just treat the animal like it’s a fucking garbage disposal. They don’t exercise it regularly nor do they bring it anywhere to ‘experience’ the outdoors.

Your dog doesn’t need to be eating Blue Buffalo, but god damn, give some attention to what it’s funneling down its throat.

The same goes for exercise and ‘life experience’. Has your dog ever been to a lake, the ocean, a park, or the woods? If all it has seen is the block you walk around and your backyard, why the fuck do you have a pet?

This animal needs to burn energy; a tired dog is a happy dog.

I bring my dude places in the Jeep, sneak him to a lake we aren’t supposed to swim at, let him run the woods, and we get Target brand food. The best? Negative, but it’s better than the crap that you get for .99/lb we’ll also supplement his food with richer proteins & meat occasionally.

Ensure you’re setting the standard for everyone in your clan, too include your loyal companions.

I understand this is a sensitive subject, but when you look at the ‘big picture’ isn’t a little discomfort now, better than a big discomfort later when everyone realizes that maybe their isn’t health to be found at every size…

-Hunter

My writing is free, if you’d like to donate for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life you may now do so by clicking the button below.
Donate


The Pride

Take Pride in You

Take Pride in You

 

Gentlemen, once you’ve  recognized the need to destroy The Void in your heart and eradicate the The Shame from your mind by reaching out to your brethren you can then experience something which has eluded your grasp for too long, a sense of pride.

Masculinity has been under attack for so long that most men now default to not taking pride in any attribute which may bring into question their support of the feminine imperative.

I’m here to tell you – Fuck. That.

As you go through the process of reclaiming your masculine nature you’ll eventually find yourself in a situation where you’re faced with the choice of vocalizing your masculine identity or continuing on with the facade (remaining a Clown).

Brothers, I’m telling you now, after you’ve face down those dark clouds and chose to stop repressing your genuine self, you deserve to take pride in the man you’ve created. 

Choosing the comfort of the lie is so easy; it’s so fucking easy to remain comfortable and to sit there and eat what you want, never get sore, and avoid all the discomfort out there in the world; it’s so damn easy. Yet, for whatever reason, you chose to find the comfort in the discomfort of reality. You’ve chosen to express your masculine nature when everyone around you wanted you to do the opposite. You chose to invest in you and live a life as the ‘real’ you vice the scripted you.

Take pride in that brother, you deserve it.

The whole world has told you the opposite. Our society has tried to snuff out that masculine fire since you were born and at some point maybe they didbut like the Phoenix, you chose to rise from the ashes, burning hotter than ever.

You’ve been told not to be a presence, but rather to make yourself meek and unimposing. You’ve been told to refrain from being aggressive, competitive, and lustful in any way. Women have told you to share feelings, your mother has told you to be a nice boy, and teachers have told you to sit still and your limitless energy is something you need to ‘get control over’.

This went on for years and for years you learned to default your decisions and behaviors to that of a man who fit the Mold and didn’t make waves, until now.

When you face that inevitable moment where you decide weak or strong, meek or masculine remember all of the days, weeks, and years where you chose the former and look where it’s gotten you.

You’ve gone long enough beating back your true nature, you’ve repressed your genuine self long enough. For possibly the first time in your life you now have someone telling you, take pride in being a man.

Own every aspect of that newfound sense of self and let the haters watch the show you’re about to put on. While you live, they’ll comment from the sideline. Before you know it you’ll have yourself in the arena and you’ll be laughing at the man in the stands saying the day is hot.

Embrace you and when the time comes, show the true you. Tell people, “No.” when that’s the answer. Stop trying to alleviate your decision or soften the blow by proving justifiers, tell someone No and then go about your business. Own every aspect of your masculinity take pride in:

  • Your sexuality. It’s OK to want sex, take pride in that lustful fire burning in your loins.
  • Your competitive & aggressive nature. You should want to win. I’ve gotten into physical fights over games of checkers and chess – fuck it, be in it to win it.
  • Your romantic nature. Men live hard, they also love hard and have very passionate feelings towards whatever they find of value. I lose sleep some nights because I can’t stop thinking of the men who fucking hate themselves and their lives. My wife asks why I’m not in bed and I tell her my mind is full. Sometimes I’ll share a little and ask her if she knows how I can get these men to just ‘wake up’ and recognize that they are their problem and they are also their solution. She tells me I worry too much about things I can’t control, but also that she is glad her man has a fire in his heart when so many are content and numb to feeling anything or caring enough to do anything about the things that do bother them.
  • Your desire to lead. My relationship isn’t 50/50 and I’ve said that to others, it blows their fucking mind when I say that I lead my marriage. Of course they turn to my girl and challenge my statement through her and she laughs saying she loves being able to enjoy the ride while I handle business. Of course there are areas where we come together, she is a responsible woman and she has on more than 10 occasions made the better decision than what I was going to make. I listen and if she’s right I adjust to her plan, still leading the venture. When we are dead-locked I make the final call, think of it as a 51-49 relationship. Embrace your own desire, you’re a man step up and lead, stop waiting for someone to take care of you.
  • Your sense of ‘Self’. You don’t need your wife’s permission to grow a beard or mustache. At the same time, you need to make sure you aren’t just going with the easiest ‘self’ you can create. Don’t walk around saying, “My real self plays video games all day, fuck what society and women want me to do.” You have a role to fill, there’s a reason I call this blog The Family Alpha. You’re the leader of your clan, you’ve got to set the standard from which all others will be measured. Be the true you, not the lazy you and at the same time, be the you that you want to be. I have a beard, my wife told me she wasn’t a ‘beard girl’, I grew my beard anyway and guess what, now she’s definitely a ‘beard girl’. Watch what women do, never follow what they say.

The world doesn’t have to love you, you have to love you. It’s time to stop hiding from yourself and way past due for you to stop hiding yourself from the world. Own your shit, take pride in who you are and what it is you plan to do in this life. Pursue your goals and live un-apologetically. There’s no reason to be sorry for being a man, there’s nothing wrong with embracing your masculinity.

The negative feelings you have towards behaving like a man are due entirely to socially constructed ‘rules’ which are set up to keep you contained. Break free brothers and let the whole fucking world know that you are here to win.

Own it.

Acta Non Verba,

-Hunter
My writing is free, if you’d like to compensate me for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life you may now do so by clicking the donate button below.


Donate


The Shame

You were supposed to be a King; it was never supposed to be like this.

You were supposed to be a King; it was never supposed to be like this.

I was recently asked how a guy who was ashamed to show his body was supposed to start hitting the gym. This guy was a father, husband, and man who truly wanted to reclaim his masculine ‘self’ yet was too embarrassed and ashamed to take that first step out into the world. Like Quasimodo who was more comfortable in his tower this man chose video games over social exposure because that was what kept him comfortable and safe.

This post is for the men who suffer that crippling fear of judgement; those self-defeating thoughts that they’re too fat, too ugly, and too weak to achieve what they see others achieving online, in movies, on Twitter, and all over the internet. Those guys can do it because they’re luckier, richer, had easier lives, etc…

These men know that the excuses they’re using to justify why others are taking action while they remain stagnant are total bullshit, but it soothes the wound to the ego temporarily and it buys them time to do something else to distract them from reality; Netflix, Video Games, Computer, Phone, etc…

These men fear venturing into the world because they fear being ostracized and they can get over that absolutely overwhelming and crushing shame in what their body & mind have become.

They let fear of judgement overcome desire to improve; to quote Mark Baxter, “Their level of disgust in themselves has yet to exceed the desire to do nothing”.

With permission I’m sharing a part of my email back to him:

It isn’t just your body which is weak, it’s your mind as well and that’s ok; because now you know you’ve got to pull your head out of your ass and start living. You aren’t getting a ‘re-do’ on life. My blog is just a bunch of words; it’s your application of them which I’m writing for. 

With all of this said, I won’t tell you to find motivation in your kids or your wife, I’m going to tell you to find motivation in yourself because if you don’t believe in you, then why should anyone else? If you don’t believe in you then why should those you are leading believe in themselves?

Your kids follow your example, not your advice – they see when you keep the shirt on and when you are ashamed of your body.

There’s been enough of that in your life; too many days, weeks, and years have been spent doing it that way.

It’ time for a change brother, own it. Start having a blast and who gives the slightest fuck if someone looks, comments, or whatever – become unshakable and own this life.” – Hunter

The Shame

Men are told that if they followed this set path of don’t make waves, be nice, and share their feelings that they’d ‘get the girl‘ and their life would be set. They’d be the King of their castle, their wife would submit to their lead, and their children would sit around them absorbing the aura of masculinity being let off by their father.

That’s not reality and more men are finding this out day by day.

I’ve made it a point to consistently push the message that lifting weights is the 1st step towards reclaiming your masculine nature. What I’ve failed to address is how does the man who does not currently have the confidence to show his body at the gym take this step?

Before I answer it’s important to place yourself inside the mind of the ashamed man. Try to look at the world through his perspective and if this seems eerily familiar, recognize that this may be you.

The men who recognize something is wrong are the ones who start looking for answers. They have a void in their heart and an incredible sense of self-hate growing; this leads them to turning to Google or some form of social media to figure out what the problem is. They’ll stumble across the Manosphere, The Red Pill, or Married Red Pill subreddit and read for hours, sometimes days.

They’ll come out of this journey awakened to the fact that:

  1. The comfortable world they’ve been living in is a lie & now they’re uncomfortable.
  2. They are the source of their problem; not the excuses they’ve used up to this point.
  3. They have to do more to achieve more; their life of ease has to be destroyed and that’s a difficult thing to let go of.

These men now know that they’ve got to take action. Every other post they read contains a variation of, “Do you even lift Bro?

The issue is, they don’t know how to lift. More importantly, they don’t have the confidence to go somewhere or the discipline/finances to do it alone at home.

Gentlemen, I’m telling you now, you’ve suffered long enough. How many more days, weeks, years are you going to be the man who:

  • Is at the beach wearing shirts, sitting on the towels or wading deep enough into the water so you can squat low enough to hide your body under the water?
  • Can’t run around with your kids because you can’t run?
  • Is trying to take up as little space possible and remain unnoticed when you attend parties or functions?
  • Only feels the slightest sense of relief when you’re eating and at home yet when you’re done and see the empty soda bottles and pizza boxes feel disgust and more self-hate than you did before?
  • Cries when in the shower, driving home from work, or when you’re in bed next to your woman who won’t even consider touching your dick?
  • Contemplates suicide or eating yourself into an early grave while hiding in your ‘safe’ cave at home?

I get it brother, you feel those black clouds will forever hide that light you once felt as a young man; that masculine fire which burned so hot when you had passion for life has been snuffed out.

I’m telling you now, so long as you don’t give up on you, there is still hope for you to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. You have to act, you have to look deep inside one more time and give your masculine self one more shot. Except this time you have the words of Hunter Drew giving you fuel, telling you to Burn your motherfucking ship on the shore as there is no retreat, you’re going all in this time.

No longer will you eat to feel comfortable, no longer will you masturbate when your wife goes to the store, no longer will you sit while your child runs…

The shame you carry runs to your core. That’s how deep change is going to have to happen. Layer by layer you’re going to have to strip away the ‘make-up’ you’ve been putting over your true self. You’re going to have to stop living like a clown and start living like a genuine man.

When that raw genuine masculine skin first hits the surface it’s going to burn. Your friends and family are going to shit test you, your wife is going to think this is just another one of your attempts to ‘man up’ just like last New Year’s, your muscles will hurt from use and your mind will hurt from withdrawals from the sugar, porn, and other toxins that will eventually clear out.

What actions do you have to take to turn life around, reclaim your masculine nature, and develop a genuine sense of self before you’re able to hit the weights?

It starts with a conversation. It starts with taking the action of sending a message to an individual whom you connect with. Maybe you email me, maybe you email another member on the Manosphere, but you have to start the process by simply taking the action of giving enough of a shit about yourself that you swallow your pride, kill your ego, and reach out for help.

From there, you have to listen. That person, if they’re willing, is going to give you advice on how they succeeded. You’ll set goals, you’ll be held accountable, and there will be expectations that you uphold your end of the bargain.

Time is the most valuable asset we have, the masculine man you find worthy of filling the role of ‘mentor’ will not dedicate his time to a man who does not truly above all else, want to reclaim his life.

Be that man and burn the ship, it’s now or never brother.

Reach out and rid yourself of the shame that has plagued you for too long.

-Hunter
My writing is free, if you’d like to compensate me for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life you may now do so by clicking the donate button below.


Donate


The Void

Don't suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

Don’t suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

Are you a man that is living a lifestyle which somehow doesn’t feel quite right?

Do you feel as though there is this void, this sense of missed satisfaction and incomplete daily regret?

If you fall into this category, understand that you aren’t alone. The sense of missing something is shared by thousands, if not millions of men out there. It’s not just the married guys either; single dudes, guys in LTR’s – they all have this fucking void that they can’t fill.

I’m letting you know right now that this feeling of emptiness and this feeling of being ‘weighed down’ is a direct result of repressed masculinity. The feeling of having a weight vest on, one that prevents you from taking actions, telling jokes, achieving goals, and just barely allowing you to keep your head above water; these are the symptoms suffered by men who repress their masculinity and it isn’t going to get any better until you do something about it.

For the guys who just discovered the manosphere, it’s not your fault; the cards were stacked against you; from birth your reality and frame were stripped of you. Your life was molded by society and the white knight fucks supporting the female imperative. They gave you that mold with the warning: If you think outside this box you are wrong, ungrateful, pathetic, and weak – stay inside this box, keep your picture in this frame, and DON’T EVER CHALLENGE THE STATUS QUO.

Sad, but true.

For the guys who have discovered the manosphere and still continue to push back against the plight faced by yourself and your fellow men, you are a fucking disgusting gender traitor. I know it sucks to have your reality shattered the way The Red Pill does so efficiently, but it is still the truth and you must find comfort in this discomfort.

Even when you fight back saying ‘masculinity’ is how guys compensate, or what the fuck ever you still know the truth and no matter how bad you want to go back to how things were when you were a comfortable nice guy, you’ll never be able to hide from the strings you see controlling the system. Men who see the truth yet continue to choose their comfortable lie still have a void, though they’ll never admit it as their ego cannot allow them to do so.

The void where regret, indecisiveness, sadness, and self loathing fester and grow is surrounded by a wall that was created by those who are looking out for themselves. The people who say you shouldn’t be confrontational, that you shouldn’t express your true desires, that you should take it all, bottle it up, and shove it deep inside – those people aren’t following that advice, they want you to do it because that supports their goals.

Here are a few truths:

  • You will never get the best of your life or your women until you accept the truth, embrace who you are as a man, and live an irrationally confident lifestyle. You have to love her the way you want to love her, not the way you think she wants to be loved.
  • You will never fill that void until you find a way to love who you are as a man. To love who you are requires you to break the mold. For guys who get it this is natural, these are the guys who are able to stand in front of a group of people, tell a joke which lands flat, lay out a witty remark, and continue to smile and grab a drink. Other men would sulk, think deeply on why the joke sucked, and the rest of the night they would be lost in their head thinking of where they went wrong and why nobody likes them. Do you see the difference? A man is happy and confident no matter what.
  • You will go to your death bed with regrets if you don’t pull your head out of your ass and start completely immersing yourself in the moments of life all the while expressing your masculine nature vice repressing it. Starting creating moments vice numbing yourself weekly with booze, TV, and scrolling on your phone looking at girls from your high-school days.
  • You cannot fill this void with any object or a woman. No female or item in the world will fill the hole your ‘genuine self‘ belongs in.

The last point is probably the most heart wrenching in my eyes. If you do not find your ‘self’ you will look back on your entire life wondering why you squandered your most precious gift away, your time. You’ll go to your deathbed with regret, wishing, “If only I could go back to when I read that post on that blog. If I had just started that day I’d of achieved so much and experienced a world of joy.

I look at the guys who are asking for help and just want to throat punch them through the screen. There are men on TRP & MRP who are looking for other men to support their decision to stay with their repetitively cheating lady; as if their world would crumble if somehow that one relationship didn’t work. If she is cheating you probably deserve it and the relationship is most likely already dead, move the fuck on and get over your relationship PTSD.

The same can be said for the guys who want to know what decisions they should make in their lives. Gentlemen, it’s your life, read the posts, blogs, and books then make the decision you feel is best going to get you to where you want to be. You have to stop making excuses to justify your mediocre existence and performance up to this point and instead claim ownership and start taking actions.

In all of these cases we see men who don’t know where they want to be, they don’t know who they are so therefore how can they plan and act in accordance with reaching that end goal?

This is why it is so oft repeated it’s about YOU. You have to know who you are and what it is you want from this life. Do you know how you find out who you are?

  1. You Lift
  2. You Read
  3. You Listen
  4. You Act
  5. You Observe
  6. You Change
  7. Disregard the un-essential

In each of these moments you will discover something about yourself. You will see where you stand physically, mentally, socially, your level of confidence, and that you aren’t perfect which is great because there is no fun to be had if there is no room to grow.

Fill that void gentlemen, stop wasting your precious time with the feeling of regret that I know creeps into your mind at night, during rides to work, and while you are alone. That isn’t how life should be lived. You do not need your wife, your house, your kids, your money, or your car – you need you.

Once you realize that if everything were to be stripped away and you’d still smile – only then can you start taking actions and leading others towards where it is you want everyone to be without the fear and void that plagues so many of our brothers. Then and only then, will your rise from the ashes like a Phoenix and soar to your greatest masculine potential.

If you are struggling in silence & only see it getting worse, please email me: TheFamilyAlpha@Gmail.Com

-Hunter
My writing is free, if you’d like to compensate me for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life you may now do so by clicking the donate button below.


Donate


Xmas & NYE

Give the gift you want to give, not the one they want to get.

Give the gift you want to give, not the one they want to get.

This is my second Christmas writing on TFA. (Here’s a link to last year’s Christmas post) I’m a huge fan of the Christmas season. I know it’s commercialized as shit, but there’s something about the music, the cold, the snow, the food, the parties. Especially Christmas day, I love seeing my kids eyes light up when they see the presents, my wife getting mad I spent too much money on her but under that scowl is her blushing and a beautiful smile. I love how people come together and if even for a brief moment, life is the way it should be without distraction from this or that. We give each other our undivided attention and listen instead of waiting for our turn to talk. I aim to make every day like Christmas day (sans presents) but Christmas Eve/Day are truly an amazing time and I hope everyone is able to feel this way in their own heart and mind.

Surviving Christmas

The holiday season is upon us yet again and a lot of family men will be attending Christmas & New Year’s Eve parties in the very near future. Managing kids, time between families, and the emotional state of your own family can become quite stressful, for those who don’t have a plan.

I have found the combination of two quotes to be the perfect blend of what goes on when preparing for the ‘joy’ of taking your wife and kids from place to place with hundreds of variables requiring your attention.

1)      Failing to prepare means you’re preparing to fail

2)      With the spontaneity of the world, planning is the most destructive thing you can do.

These two quotes are at complete odds with one another, yet they perfectly capture what it’s like to lead a family during the holidays, on vacations, when attending events such as a weddings, birthday parties, etc.

As the Family Alpha, you’ve got to have a plan while being aware that your plan is completely fluid & must be adapted to the moment to moment situations & scenarios you’ll face.

There’s going to be people who’ve drank too much, people who pry and ask too many questions, people who give the kids candy when you told them not to, kids who will do what kids do yet it’s amplified in your mind as you’re trying to keep everyone on their best behavior, etc.

Can you do me a favor?

Breathe – deeper.

Life’s good man, you’ve got your wife and your kids, it’s Christmas Eve, it’s go time. Have fun with it, relax and fucking immerse in the moments.

Your family needs you to lead them through the Holiday chaos.

Your family needs you to lead them through the Holiday chaos.

Start by getting everyone on the same page. Hey guys, we’re going to go to X, then to Y, then to Z. Do you know what that requires? Get a response from them, ensure they’re aware of what is going to be required. They aren’t fully going to follow through, but at least they’ll have some sort of framework built in their head as to what’s expected, much better than winging it.

Also, if your wife is onboard with your plan, let her know what obtacles you expect to face.

  • Drunk Uncle
  • Gifts
  • Timelines
  • etc…

Most importantly, remember to let your wife know what your end goal is.

Example: I’m going to have dinner with family. I’ve made it clear that before the dinner, I don’t give a fuck what we do or where we go so long as we have what we’re bringing food-wise ready and have everyone dressed on time.

My end goal is to be home at a reasonable time (Between 7-8) as my brother in law is coming over and it is a tradition that him and I (my wife’s brother) set the gifts out, drink, and just hang out until we pass out or the sun comes up. My wife hangs with us but she’s always the first one to knock out and I’ll either wrap her up with a blanket on the couch and party around her or tuck her into bed.

Letting her know my end goal makes my wife aware that we are not playing games, drinking too much, or doing anything after the dinner. This will help me as she will start gathering the kids while I start the good byes, we’ll be out the door on time together, no issues.

Tell your wife what it is you want from the party you’re going to. Do you want to mingle with everyone or just do touch and goes then get out?

You can’t get upset at your wife for talking too much, ignoring you, or not following your game plan if you haven’t made your vision the family’s vision.

If you are dividing time between families, recognize that you guys may not have the same desires, try to accommodate everyone as best you can, but if you wife wants to have dinner at X and you want to have dinner at Y – either split up and go where you want or don’t go to either and find a third option. Neither of you can force the other to go anywhere, if you do they’ll just pout and ruin your time at the place you wanted to go, destroying the entire point of being there.

It’s ok to do things without one another, in my family we wouldn’t as we stick together but for some, just do your own thing. My wife and I are touch and go people, we visit, say hello, small talk, and then roll out.

Christmas Day is easier, people make it hard.

Don’t write any covert contracts, No, the gift you got your wife is not going to inspire some sudden transformation & submission, it’s a gift and I hope you gave it to her because you wanted to give it to her and not because you wanted something in return as that’s fucking weak.

Don’t expect some amazing gift either, just enjoy the time and company with your family.

Surviving New Year’s

Make 2017 the year you discover and display the genuine self you keep inside.

Make 2017 the year you discover and display the genuine self you keep inside.

1. The best way to make it to midnight on New Year’s is to get some quality rest on the nights leading up to it.

The way I do this is to continue lifting during the whole Christmas excitement. You’ll want to play with your new things, you’ll be excited from all of the goings on, and you’ll be mentally feeding off the energy of the season. The best way to combat that, for me at least, is to physically drain myself to fucking true exhaustion. Deadlifts, Squats, Bench, etc. I fucking kill it, I go to bed because I physically have to. The quality of sleep I get is great.

The day of New Year’s Eve I don’t lift and I don’t eat many carbs as I don’t want to crash. It’s worked so far. Solid sleep the nights before arms me with the ability to go the distance the night of the ‘big show’.

2. Save the caffeine until right before you need it. Pounding coffee all day won’t give you energy to midnight, it will give you the shits. Have a cup of coffee an hour after dinner.

I’ve seen guys take RedBulls to the face, Monsters, etc. They always end up wrecked with an upset stomach, acting like an annoying hyperactive spaz, or if they’ve been drinking doing stupid shit faster.

If you can, lay off the caffeine from the 26 to the 30th, then the night of the 31st have a cup of coffee, should do the trick.

3. Chill with the booze. How many ‘Countdowns’ have you missed because you were blacked out drunk or passed out?

Masculine men maintain control - Don't get sloppy.

Masculine men maintain control – Don’t get sloppy.

I turn 30 in February, so maybe I’m getting old. But, drinking isn’t as fucking cool as it used to be. I’ve missed a lot of shit because I was either blacked out and don’t remember or I fell asleep from drinking too much.

I still drink, but not like I used to because I realized, drunk does not equal fun. I used to think more booze meant more smiles, that’s not the case and to be honest, it’s not very masculine.

Masculine men know their limit and they don’t cross it as they don’t ever want to lose composure and come across as sloppy. That’s one of the worst things you can be, that sloppy guy who slurs, spills shit, has swings of emotions, etc.

Be a man, limit your intake and set a slow pace throughout the night. Make it to midnight as the man walking among boys. While the rest fall out, show that you can go the distance, be the one who is still able to kiss his girl into the New Year.

4. Kids. They need a parent to not forget they exist just because a party is going on.

My kids are 7 & 4, they’re going to be bouncing off the wall with the energy of the environment. What my wife and I have done is limit the desserts people funnel them (knock that shit off, food does not equal love) and ensure that they are drinking more water than juice throughout the night. Hydrated kids who aren’t filled with sugar and processed shit will pass out with relative ease.

Tuck them into somewhere quiet yet accessible so you can hear if they get up, if you’re at a party or hotel or wherever that isn’t home, waking up in a new place can be scary.

After the ball drops and you kiss your woman, go in and kiss your babies. You don’t have to wake them, but don’t forget about them. It’s just a digit on a calendar which changes, but there’s something special about knowing you started the year with a kiss. I’ve kissed my wife and kids into the New Year for as long as I can remember, give yourself that Polaroid.

5. Recognize you might be cranky the next day. People staying up past their bed time drinking, dancing, singing, etc. That is a great night, it’s not always a great morning.

Red men go to bed late & rise early, there's no rest for the Wicked.

Red men go to bed late & rise early, there’s no rest for the Wicked.

When you do your morning negative visualizations, remind yourself that you’re going to run into some overtired people and you too may be a little more irritable than usual. Just like when your wife is PMS’ing, you’ve got to cater your approach to everyone. There’s no need to start 2017 with everyone going after each other’s throats.

Be the leader of your family, keep everyone cool and at a 2 (3 tops). You see someone rising to level 10, shut it down with a reminder of how awesome the night was and divert their attention away from the annoyance.

Keep all of this in mind and you’ll start the New Year out right.

Happy New Year’s,
Hunter

If this article benefited you and you’d like to support TFA you can now do so by clicking the button below.

Donate

The Phoenix

In order to rise from the ashes, you must first create them by burning the lie to the ground.

In order to rise from the ashes, you must first create them by burning the lie to the ground.

What I do on this blog is I try to help men see that there is a different way to live. I try to let them see through theory, personal example, and a fucking call to arms through electronic text that they do not have to accept the cards that have been dealt to them. I try to get men to flip the fucking poker table scattering those cards, Breaking the Mold, and realizing that they’ve been the one in control the entire time they just didn’t know it.

At some point, every emasculated man handed his power over to others in his life. This may have started at birth, I school when he was told his hyper activity was a negative/his competitiveness was a negative/his aggression was a negative, it may have started in high school with his first girlfriend while he tried to be the nice guy he was told women wanted, or it may have happened when he married his girl thinking that was his mission as a man.

It makes no difference when the power was lost, all that matters is that it is reclaimed – Now.

It’s time for you, the man reading this blog who has a tight feeling in your chest to make the decision to take it back. Yes, I am talking to you.

This isn’t a fun game for me, it’s very personal. I want more than anything for you to reclaim your true self and to stop hating your life and those in it. I want you to be happy and find joy in every moment you have, but I can’t fucking do it for you and as much as I wish I could, it wouldn’t work if I did. This has to come from the innermost depths of who you are as a man. You have to choose to embrace the ‘self’ you’ve repressed for so long. You have to commit from your core, from that fire inside which burns every now and then as it tries to escape before your repress it back down.

Your masculinity never left, it’s just been smothered under layer after layer of acts and statements which went against your true desire and feelings. Every time you did what you thought you were supposed to do vice what you wanted to do you Added Another Layer.

Recognize this, today could be your last day on this Earth; this morning could have been the last sunrise you’ll ever see, did you truly see it?

I get it. You’re pissed because your entire life was a lie – up to this point. The woman you loved, the friends you have, the family – they were all a part of this fucking machine which was designed with the sole purpose of stripping you of what makes a man a man, his masculinity.

Don't suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

Don’t suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

I’ve received hundreds of emails from men who were near the end of their String of Life, do you recognize any of their stories?

You got divorced and your ex took your kids and your cash?

Your girlfriend lied, cheated, and broke your heart?

You woke up one day, looked in the mirror, and for the first time in your life thought of killing yourself?

Did your wife send messages to another man telling him she wanted to do things with him that she’s never done with you?

Do you have a void in your heart?

Self-hate in your mind?

Abusing substances to numb the pain of being who you are?

The list goes on, but you get my point, there are a lot of reasons to just say fuck it.

But, you found this blog, the manosphere, and have made the connections and come to the conclusion that all of this was your fault and it lit a fire in your heart, stomach, mind, and soul.

Good, let it burn.

The ashes are needed; the entire frame the world built and forced you into needs to be burned and swept into a pile of ash.

From that ash The Phoenix is going to rise.

You are that Phoenix. You are the man who is going to climb out of that pile of fucking disintegrated lies, comfort, the framework of others, betrayal, and expectations.

When you choose to burn it down and rise from the destruction you are choosing to face the raw, brutal, unforgiving nature of the world. Reality is not comfortable, you must find comfort in the discomfort of it.

Fly. Let your expression of masculinity act as an example for others to do the same.

Fly. Let your expression of masculinity act as an example for others to do the same.

You must choose to live and flourish in a society which hates you as a masculine man. Like the Phoenix you must take flight and recognize that there’s nobody in the world quite like you, you are powerful, you are focused, and you are Alone.

Create your own reality; rise from those ashes and build your own frame in place of the pre-existing one. Develop a sense of self, an identity that is forged entirely by your own hands. Do not use the previous example as a guideline, fuck that you do you. Whatever that new ‘you’ is, you need to fucking own it. You need to live a life that is genuinely yours.

Brother, I meant what I said, you may not live to see the New Year; I may not either. If I were to die after this post, I’d have no regrets. I have loved fiercely, lived hard, and immersed myself into the now throughout it all. There’s nothing left undone that I’m not ok with leaving undone, can you say the same?

I've chosen to hang Polaroids on my lifeline, have you?

I’ve chosen to hang Polaroids on my lifeline, have you?

Is there something you’ve wanted to say to someone?

Is there a place you’ve wanted to get to mentally, a place of joy or of truly loving yourself?

Is there a moment you’ve wanted to have with someone; a wife, friend, lover, family, child?

What is it that you’ve hidden from the world due to fear of judgement and being ostracized, do you want to share it?

Commit to this process and your life will never be the same. If you do choose to embrace your masculinity and rise from the ashes, you must Burn Your Ship on the shore, there is no going back, there is no retreat to your previous self – he’s ashes and you are no longer the ‘him’ everyone else created. You are now the ‘self’ you choose to become…

Fly like the Phoenix, reclaim your position in the world as the King of all Beasts. There’s no reminiscing, the past is gone and you do not have enough breathes left in your life to sit around angry at what could have been. Let the ash blow away in the wind, you’ve got work to do.

Live now, live hard, and live fiercely,

Hunter

If this article benefited you and you’d like to support TFA you can now do so by clicking the button below.

Donate

Queen & Warrior

In marriage you need a woman who can handle shit the way you'd want her to without having to hold her hand.

In marriage you need a woman who can handle shit the way you’d want her to without having to hold her hand.

Women are submissive by nature and in a healthy marriage a wife will defer to her man when confrontation is required. When vetting your woman, look for her submissive nature while at the same time looking to ensure she’s a strong woman.  My wife submits to me alone, I don’t need her strong in the sense that I need constant support as I’m her Lover, her King – not her child. Look for strength in your woman in the sense that she can be a badass bitch who can lead when you’re not around.

This is a story of a woman who had to go into battle without her husband, a woman who had to stand her ground while her man was at war, the man who is normally both the shield and spear of his family.

About two months ago I was reading The Nine Laws by Ivan Throne when I came across this quote:

“The voice of his mother, which used to sing to him and lull him to sleep as one of the sweetest sounds of the universe, was now silent. There was only the great effort of slowly mouthing words, beginning the long and exhausting process of teaching the boy to lip read as if his life depended on it… and it did.”

I was sitting in my recliner while my daughter was drawing, son was writing, wife was reading, & dog was by my side – and my entire world came to a halt. I put the book down and just looked at my son, then at my wife.

Queen

You see, when my son was a few months (maybe a year) old he started to get ear infections. This went on for a little while then it just stopped, we thought we were in the clear. Then one day he started acting ‘off’,  my wife brought him to the Doctors and they told her he was teething, no ear infection.

It’s important to note that I was in the Navy during all of this. I was in and out of the country at a high tempo and it was on my wife to handle finances, our new son, and living on her own. When I came home from one underway I noticed the change in my son. My wife told me of the hospital results and as new parents we listened.

Then one day it got worse…

My wife brought him back to the doctors after a few months of this and told them of the sleepless nights, the delay in reaching ‘speech milestones’ and the pain he was in.

Tests were done and a result came back saying that he must be sick or is having a hard time with teething, but there was no ear infection. I remember getting the emails from her (I was out to sea again) telling me what was going on, the test results, the actions she was taking, etc.

I felt helpless as I was thousands of miles away, in the middle of the ocean, while my wife was alone and my son was in pain – it was frustrating; but my duty was to my country and I told her that there was no way for me to come home early. I had a job to do and as fucked up as some may think it is, in that life it goes Navy then Family.

Warrior

Upon recognizing the reality of the situation and that her man wasn’t here to fight this battle, my wife took matters into her own hands. She went back to the hospital, with my son screaming in pain, and planted her battle flag.

It was the flag which held my crest & name of my clan and then there was my wife, representing myself and my heir, standing at that hospital with her fucking war face on.

She requested the tests, when denied as they’d ‘already been run’ she demanded them be run again. She then told the nurses, Doctors, and whoever would listen that she was not leaving until my son was treated.

They ran the tests.

Results came back.

My son had an undiagnosed double ear infection. This ear infection had gone untreated for months and in that time it had wreaked havoc inside my son’s ears. His speech delay was because he was deaf, our boy couldn’t hear the world around him and we didn’t even know it.

Flash back to 2016, I’m sitting in my recliner and my world has stopped. As I’m looking at my son I realize, the passage I just read could have been written by him, then I look at my wife and realize it would have been him if it wasn’t for her.

Wife

My wife saved my son from the silent world. She saved him from a very challenging life because she was able to put her armor on, draw a line in the sand, step over it, and plant her flag telling the world, “I am not going to back down from this, submit to my demands or be destroyed.” She forced compliance.

I will never forget this. I came home from my underway and she told me what it is she had done. I was a proud man and had a newfound respect for this woman who took my last name.

Since then, we have had to go through speech therapy, multiple sets of tubes, and other steps to treat the damage. I remember the first time we went to the beach after having tubes put in, he was scared of the waves because every time before that day, they were silent; now he could hear them crash. My wife almost cried and I almost did too, not because of what had happened, but because I was able to appreciate the little things he could now hear. The sound of waves, a bird overhead, music…

My son is now a strong, intelligent, and popular kid who is able to hear the sound of his mother’s voice, the sound of his father’s lessons, and the pride in his younger sister’s voice as she follows him around.

Lover

My woman didn’t fall apart when I wasn’t around. She didn’t crumble under the stress of running a household as a single parent while I was out with my brothers in arms, taking on a different fight. She knew I had a job to do and she knew she did too, so she did it. Because of her commitment to our clan, she didn’t run to mom or dad, she didn’t sulk and cry, an she didn’t just accept ‘No.’ as an answer. My son can hear and it is the direct result of action taken by my lover, my warrior, my Queen, my wife.

Hunter

I write for free, if you feel the need to compensate for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life you may do so through clicking the donate button which will send funds to my PayPal.

Donate

Creator of Life

When I had kids I knew my life had changed forever - I was fucking pumped.

When I had kids I knew my life had changed forever – I was fucking pumped.

This is a continuation of my Burden of Family post.

A friend of mine, the creator of the blog Unlocking the Crown recently returned home after his wife delivered triplets. We spoke a few times while his wife was sleeping still in the hospital and I could feel the masculine energy flowing through him. Here he was riding on X minutes of sleep, taking care of his wife, 3 babies, and everything else required to make the transition from hospital to home go as smooth as possible and when we spoke it was like it was just another fucking day.

Aside from my wife, he’s the only person who knows of my blog in my ‘real’ life. So, naturally we touched on the subject of masculinity and fatherhood. During the discussion he said something which inspired this post, he said is isn’t hard managing all of this because these are his kids and that’s his wife, and he was a part of making this happen.

Complete ownership. If you’re going to have kids then you’re going to have to fill the role required of you when the kids show up.

If you’re a father then you played a role in creating life and that means something. No matter how awesome or awkward and uncomfortable the sex was, you had it and a baby was the result. I don’t care if it’s with your wife or with a one night stand; if you played a role in creating a life, then you need to assume the responsibilities that come with the title Father.

You’re poor?  I don’t care.

You’re Young? I don’t care.

You’re really busy? I don’t care.

You didn’t want it? I. Don’t. Care.

You see, as a father I understand the magnitude that comes with raising a life in this day and age. I have two children, a 7 year old boy and a 4 year old girl and both are in the process of becoming productive, educated, intelligent, good members of our society.

I became a father because my wife and I chose to have a kid, then we did. We made the decision again, and had another; now we’re good.

There is no difference between what is expected of me, a 29 year old married man and the 16 year old boy who just knocked up his freshman sweetheart.

You do your fucking best. You remain as present as you can and you provide the necessities. If the mother wants to be a bitch about it then you get legal documentation which clearly draws the boundaries for time, supervision, requirements, etc.

I don’t live in a fantasy world where kids aren’t having unprotected sex, I know that it’s going to happen, I know right now some kid is hitting it raw dog and doesn’t know enough to pull out because it feels to good and in September he’s going to see a ball of flesh coming out of where he was cumming in.

My aim with this blog isn’t to fight teen sex; part of my goal with this blog is to provide a resource that will raise the standard of men who will then act as an example for the young men in their life. If you act like a masculine man then the boys around you will act like and become masculine men. When they purposefully or accidentally have a child, they’ll act as a masculine man does – complete ownership.

Single Gents

You don't need a Queen to be a King. You don't need a wife to be a father.

You don’t need a Queen to be a King. You don’t need a wife to be a father.

Had sex with the girlfriend or or one night stand and got her pregnant? She (you both) decided to keep the baby?

Cool, it’s dad time.

*Do not think that because you got this woman pregnant that now you have to marry her.

If it was a one night stand, you need to let her know to keep you in the loop. Maybe you’ll try and go steady and figure a way to become an LTR or maybe you’ll just stay in touch over baby things. Both are acceptable options, the key point is you need to know what’s going on with the baby. 

For the one night stand or girlfriends alike, ensure you’re aware of doctor’s appointments, any complications, preparations for where the baby will live, getting stuff together for the arrival, planning for names, etc. You’re a part of all of this and the best thing you can do is remain civil with this woman. You may not know her at all, start discussing family history, finances, plans, etc.

Don’t kick this can down the road even once, start having the conversations early and often. Keep her on Team You the last thing you need is this chick disappearing or turning against you.

Once the baby has arrived, make yourself a part of it’s upbringing. If that means every other week or whatever so be it, but make yourself a part of this child’s life from the onset and continue to do so throughout all the years.

Married Dad-Bod Beta Schlups

Fuck the Dad Bod - I fucking hate it and hate the men who make the population I am a part of (fathers) look like pathetic pussies.

Fuck the Dad Bod – I fucking hate it and hate the men who make the population I am a part of (fathers) look like pathetic pussies.

You’re the group that really needs the most work. I’ve seen fat, disgusting, weak dads ‘being one of the girls’ with the other moms at the football, baseball, and soccer games and practices I have led.

Understand this now, your child is going to follow your example not your advice.

Being out of shape, trying to keep up with the trends of society, having no hobbies other than sedentary TV time – is that what you want for your kid?

Your dead-bedroom or 1x a week sex life is pathetic, your wardrobe is pathetic, you aren’t happy even though you try to convince yourself you are, and your physical limitations due to poor health choices have you unable to raise your kids to becoming healthy productive embers of society.

When you have kids, you’ve removed ‘Zero Days’ from your life. You need to be the example from which they will measure their performance physically, educationally, spiritually, etc. Being a fat slob tells your kids that when they get married or have kids that they should get fat too.

Start trying again, get back to giving a fuck about life. Treat your wife like you did when she was your girlfriend, treat your children as pupils who you’ve got to to train for life, and treat yourself as an ever improving project that always has an aspect tat needs to be work on, honed, and improved.

Masculine Men

Lead your children through life

Lead your children through life

You’re on your game, you’re following your mission, you look good, sex is great, life is solid, and you’re pursuing improvement both personally and professionally.

The biggest concern I have with my fellow masculine brethren is that they get too Mission Focused grinding day in and day out to improve and raise their standard that they don’t make ‘family’ time a slot in their schedule.

Men grind day in and day out, trying to build their side hustle to something more. But, at what expense?

You can’t put your family before your mission, at the same time you’ve got to make time for them. Steve Jobs is an excellent example of this. The dude could have made his family a part of his mission and it probably would have benefiited him and improved his leadership skills. Instead, he disowned his daughter as she was an inconvenience to his pursuit of Apple greatness.

You need to follow your mission in life, but when you become a father you need to look at the opportunity cost and recognize that the time you invest in your child is not wasted time.

Make them a part of your mission and you’ll find it leads to you becoming even more efficient at leading your family. Get them on-board your plan and share your vision with them, let them see the how and why you do what you do.

When they understand why you grind you’ll find that they support you and defend you from others. Your kids will say my dad’s not here because he’s working on X. Or your wife will say, when some bitch tries making a remark on your absence, that at least her man has passion in life and is pursuing dreams.

They’ll support you if you make them a part of the greatness you’re chasing.

All Dads

Fill your role

Fill your role

There are too many children out there who don’t have a masculine father figure in their life. Having a blue pill ‘plugged in’ father is better than nothing, but a child will reach the fullest development when they are raised by the balance of the masculine and feminine.

Fill your role, be the child’s shield and spear, protecting it from the world while fighting off all who threaten it’s existence.

Similar to being in shape, 90% of the battle is just showing up. Show up, you’ll figure the rest out as you go. Keep piece with the mother and if that isn’t going to work then legally ensure your rights are represented and documented.

This child needs you, it’s time to step up brother.

Hunter

I write for free, but if you feel the need to compensate for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life – I’d be most humbled and appreciative.

Donate

Negative Visualizations

When I was 5 years old my mother committed suicide. This left my father to raise me and my 3 year old twin brother/sister on his own. My dad was a Navy man; always in and out then deploying. He needed a caretaker so we went to live with my grandmother.

She was a strict woman who lived through the Great Depression. As I grew up she instilled discipline, a ‘never quit’ work ethic, and appreciation. It’s the appreciation aspect I’m writing about in this post, as losing my mother and not having a father around combined with the instruction from my Grandmother created a man who has learned to truly immerse in and appreciate each moment.

The Red Pill introduced me to Stoicism and Stoicism introduced me to Negative Visualizations. Negative Visualizations was a mental tool I naturally developed, but learning it had a name enables me to relay the message a little more clearly to others.

I start every morning by waking up and taking a moment to think on and inventory my life. I do this through performing negative visualizations immediately after waking up. I visualize that my wife and kids die on this day. I let the pain fully wash over me, I feel it in my heart, my mind, and my entire ‘self’. Then, I slowly bring myself back, I dial my mind in and remind myself that my wife is next to me, breathing softly, beautiful as ever. I remind myself that my kids are asleep in their beds, innocent, pure, and alive.

I get out of bed, do the morning routine, and before I leave I always tell my wife and kids that I love them, because I do and I’m aware of how lucky I am to still have them in my life. Kissing your child’s forehead means more when you know it could be the last time.

I appreciate each moment with them more because I’ve made myself feel the pain of losing their presence in my life.

Life is not guaranteed, yet people live as though they have all the time in the world.

In my post Intentional Discomfort I wrote about removing comforts from your life so you truly appreciate them. Warm water, your phone, your bed, etc.

It isn’t practical to ‘remove your wife and kids’ so you have to do it through a sort of ‘thought experiment’. Remove them in your mind, remove their smells, their smiles, their voices and laughs, all of them. Immerse in the void you create in your heart, soak in the abyss and feel the pain. Now, bring them back to life. 

Tell me that this doesn’t make you smile just a little bit more when you see them. Tell me that it doesn’t make you want to put the phone down and get on the floor with your kid and play.

We’re so caught up in the hustle of modern living that we are getting distracted from what matters most, the time we have with those we love.

This goes beyond family; I perform negative visualizations with every day life. I’ve visualized my wife cheating, I’ve visualized being doxxed, I’ve visualized getting fired, I’ve visualized crashing my Jeep, etc.

This prepares me for the moment when something does happen I’m not caught off guard, unable to cope or perform. I’ll have a rough game plan as to what I need to do because I’ve already played it out in my mind.

Don’t get it twisted, I don’t mope around all day thinking of terrible things that could happen. Just recognize that you should periodically immerse in a shitty scenario and ensure you’ve got the fortitude to not only handle it but rather come out on top.

I love my wife, if she were to cheat I’m ready for it and will survive.

I love my children to death, but if they were to die I’ll know I gave them everything and that I was in all of our moments together.

I’ll go to my deathbed without regret because I make sure I appreciate the moments I have with those I love. I Hang my Polaroids and I prepare myself mentally to react to the chaos that we call life.

The ancient Stoics had it right, if you’d like to read more on Stoicism here are my recommendations:

 Letters From a Stoic: Seneca

 Marcus Aurelius: Meditations

The Discourses of Epictetus

 The Enchiridion: Epictetus (Shortened version of Discourses)

 A Guide to the Good Life: William Braxton Irvine

 The Obstacle is the Way: Ryan Holiday

I’ve read all of these books and each has added to my ‘mental toolbox’. We need to remind ourselves that we need to be as equally strong in our mind as we are in our body.

Developing this mental strength requires training and negative visualizations are one such exercise which will lead to a stronger, more fortified masculine mind.

Hunter

You can now support The Family Alpha for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life.


Donate


Meditation in Motion

You've got to get your mind under control or it will wreak havoc.

You’ve got to get your mind under control or it will wreak havoc.

Many readers on the Manosphere keep asking the same questions and a lot of writers keep providing the same answers with their unique take here and there.

Guys unplug and then they’ll say, “I don’t know what to do”.

They are angry yet they aren’t quite sure at whom or what specifically it is that angers them.

These guys say they don’t know where to direct their anger or how to just not be angry.

They also want to know what specifically they are supposed to be doing now that they’ve gotten a taste of reality and are beginning to see the strings controlling the system.

To the gentlemen who find themselves in this group, this one is for you.

Meditation in Motion is something I came up with before I started The Family Alpha blog. It was the discovery that when I wasn’t writing, lifting, and doing I felt like shit. I started to pay attention to this and I came to the realization that it was in the movement that I found myself most ‘at peace’ with who I was as a man and where I was in my life.

I’ve tried the whole sitting, breathing into my stomach, and counting breaths to help clear the mind. It just wasn’t my thing, I kept thinking of the other things I wanted to do.

Notice I said things I wanted to do; I’m not a victim of the ‘go-go-go’ mindset which plagues many men in our modern society. I don’t always think of stuff I have to do, which would be the result of a stressful mind. Instead, I take time to fully immerse in each moment; I now notice shit as simple as a breeze, the color of trees, etc.

I would sit, do nothing but try to ‘meditate’ and I just couldn’t stop thinking about the post I wanted to write, the book I’d like to read, whatever; there was something productive I wanted to do besides find ‘Zen’.

I’ve since come to the conclusion that not as many people give a shit about reaching enlightenment as people think. It’s the same as the cold showers, stoicism, etc. People hold these as doctrine. Fuck it, periodically throw a cold shower in the mix, and once in a while let your emotions flare to the surface. Some people find peace sitting and listening to bells, most don’t and to that crowd I’ve got a solution.

Fuck the enlightenment, we need to recognize that men want to find peace within their mind & body.

There is a connection between the mind and body; if both aren’t in sync and properly trained you’re going to have an imbalance. Lifting trains both, implementing intentional discomforts occasionally will train both, and reading keeps the mind sharp. All of these must occur for the strongest foundation of ‘self’ to be developed.

So what are you supposed to do to achieve greater insight and control over ‘self’ without sitting and breathing in a silent room?

MOVE

Just get yourself in motion; whatever that means to you is what you’re supposed to do.

For some men that means signing up to a gym or purchasing home gym equipment and getting at it in their home. Others may start taking care of projects around their house which has been neglected. Some may find that it just means getting out without their wife as they don’t have any friends or hobbies. You can also:

  • Go for a Walk
  • Go for a run
  • Drive to an empty parking lot and read
  • Start writing
  • Start taking photos
  • Start attending a class on anything at your local library or community college

Just start doing something which puts your body & mind into motion. It is in the action that you will begin to release the anger, release the tension, release the stress, release the fear, release the regret, release the pain, and replace it with your masculine powerful self.

Notice, none of the recommended actions include your wife. This post is for fixing the minds of the newly unplugged as well as the guys who are stuck in the anger stage. You need to take the actions, free from your wife as they have nothing to do with her.

I’m not telling you to lead her, not telling you to game her, I’m not telling you to do a fucking thing with her as that requires control, a clear mind, and Machiavellian perception which you are unable to master while your mind is a mess.

Skip all of that bullshit and just simply focus on you doing something.

You will find that during your runs you are talking to yourself in your head. While you’re taking photos you’re also thinking about that thing you said or did.

While in motion you are meditating and de-fragmenting your mind and you don’t even know it. Taking these actions and putting yourself into motion will lead to you becoming more effective and efficient at uncovering who you are as a man. Once you know who your ‘self’ is, you can then release the anger as well as knowing exactly what it is you want to do in this life and how you’re going to do it.

I follow this same advice when writing. When I write I light a candle near me (I’ve got one lit next to me right now), when I get stuck on a point, description, or phrasing I’ll look into the flame. My eyes are looking at the fire, but the distraction from the screen allows my mind to free itself and look at the problem from every perspective; it frees the mind to break the constraints it is under when I am focusing its energy.

Get your 'self' in motion, the time is going to pass either way; you might as well do something.

Get your ‘self’ in motion, the time is going to pass either way; you might as well do something.

That dancing fire frees my mind; this is a micro version of what I’m recommending as I’m focusing on writing. What I recommend to you is a much larger action than looking at a flame. This is your life and a much bigger aspect of your ‘self’, movement is the macro version of this.

Another personal example is that during my hour commute to and from work, I keep the radio off. I use that time to just think and let my mind wander as far as it can while still being able to drive. Stop wasting time listening to the same 10 songs on the radio, it’s time that could be used to dial yourself in, preventing any mental health complications or feelings of being ‘overloaded’ from developing.

You may get wicked pissed that your wife won’t submit & follow your lead or fuck you like you want her to. Don’t get mad or angry and don’t storm out of the house, simply recognize the situation for what it is and when it’s time for you to get into motion you’ll see that you’re better able to elevate yourself over the situation and seeing the entire ‘field of battle’. You’ll see where you fucked up, where you said too much or too little, and you’ll come up for a game plan to implement the next time this scenario arises.

If you were to just sit and stew over it, not moving but just sitting and reading TRP/MRP/the ‘sphere you’ll twist yourself up and achieve nothing but increased agitation. Kill the redundancy without progress.

When you return home from being in motion, your mind is clear and you no longer give a fuck about whatever the hell had transpired. Your lady may try to bait you back in but at this point, you’ve ‘meditated while in motion’ and no longer give a fuck. Not in the childish manner of playing silent, no – you truly don’t give a shit about it anymore. So, just maintain frame and move forward.

Now, apply this to all of your activities. Whatever it is that you are doing, immerse yourself in it and make every action a moment to ‘meditate’. Your body & mind will always be on point as you are intentionally keeping them both moving forward. Similar to the way you don’t drink stagnate water, you don’t thrive with a stagnant body & mind.

The answer to all of the questions concerning what you’re ‘supposed’ to do when you discover the Manosphere and unplug, is move.

Get up and start doing shit and don’t stop doing shit until you die.

You don’t deserve a break, you haven’t done enough, it is your job to lead, the burden of performance will always be on you whether you’re married, single, MGTOW, whatever.

Embrace that and move, the anger should dissipate and a genuine don’t give a fuck mindset should take its place.

Get moving brothers,

Hunter

I write for free, but if you feel the need to compensate for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life – I’d be most humbled and appreciative.

Donate