The Shame

You were supposed to be a King; it was never supposed to be like this.

You were supposed to be a King; it was never supposed to be like this.

I was recently asked how a guy who was ashamed to show his body was supposed to start hitting the gym. This guy was a father, husband, and man who truly wanted to reclaim his masculine ‘self’ yet was too embarrassed and ashamed to take that first step out into the world. Like Quasimodo who was more comfortable in his tower this man chose video games over social exposure because that was what kept him comfortable and safe.

This post is for the men who suffer that crippling fear of judgement; those self-defeating thoughts that they’re too fat, too ugly, and too weak to achieve what they see others achieving online, in movies, on Twitter, and all over the internet. Those guys can do it because they’re luckier, richer, had easier lives, etc…

These men know that the excuses they’re using to justify why others are taking action while they remain stagnant are total bullshit, but it soothes the wound to the ego temporarily and it buys them time to do something else to distract them from reality; Netflix, Video Games, Computer, Phone, etc…

These men fear venturing into the world because they fear being ostracized and they can get over that absolutely overwhelming and crushing shame in what their body & mind have become.

They let fear of judgement overcome desire to improve; to quote Mark Baxter, “Their level of disgust in themselves has yet to exceed the desire to do nothing”.

With permission I’m sharing a part of my email back to him:

It isn’t just your body which is weak, it’s your mind as well and that’s ok; because now you know you’ve got to pull your head out of your ass and start living. You aren’t getting a ‘re-do’ on life. My blog is just a bunch of words; it’s your application of them which I’m writing for. 

With all of this said, I won’t tell you to find motivation in your kids or your wife, I’m going to tell you to find motivation in yourself because if you don’t believe in you, then why should anyone else? If you don’t believe in you then why should those you are leading believe in themselves?

Your kids follow your example, not your advice – they see when you keep the shirt on and when you are ashamed of your body.

There’s been enough of that in your life; too many days, weeks, and years have been spent doing it that way.

It’ time for a change brother, own it. Start having a blast and who gives the slightest fuck if someone looks, comments, or whatever – become unshakable and own this life.” – Hunter

The Shame

Men are told that if they followed this set path of don’t make waves, be nice, and share their feelings that they’d ‘get the girl‘ and their life would be set. They’d be the King of their castle, their wife would submit to their lead, and their children would sit around them absorbing the aura of masculinity being let off by their father.

That’s not reality and more men are finding this out day by day.

I’ve made it a point to consistently push the message that lifting weights is the 1st step towards reclaiming your masculine nature. What I’ve failed to address is how does the man who does not currently have the confidence to show his body at the gym take this step?

Before I answer it’s important to place yourself inside the mind of the ashamed man. Try to look at the world through his perspective and if this seems eerily familiar, recognize that this may be you.

The men who recognize something is wrong are the ones who start looking for answers. They have a void in their heart and an incredible sense of self-hate growing; this leads them to turning to Google or some form of social media to figure out what the problem is. They’ll stumble across the Manosphere, The Red Pill, or Married Red Pill subreddit and read for hours, sometimes days.

They’ll come out of this journey awakened to the fact that:

  1. The comfortable world they’ve been living in is a lie & now they’re uncomfortable.
  2. They are the source of their problem; not the excuses they’ve used up to this point.
  3. They have to do more to achieve more; their life of ease has to be destroyed and that’s a difficult thing to let go of.

These men now know that they’ve got to take action. Every other post they read contains a variation of, “Do you even lift Bro?

The issue is, they don’t know how to lift. More importantly, they don’t have the confidence to go somewhere or the discipline/finances to do it alone at home.

Gentlemen, I’m telling you now, you’ve suffered long enough. How many more days, weeks, years are you going to be the man who:

  • Is at the beach wearing shirts, sitting on the towels or wading deep enough into the water so you can squat low enough to hide your body under the water?
  • Can’t run around with your kids because you can’t run?
  • Is trying to take up as little space possible and remain unnoticed when you attend parties or functions?
  • Only feels the slightest sense of relief when you’re eating and at home yet when you’re done and see the empty soda bottles and pizza boxes feel disgust and more self-hate than you did before?
  • Cries when in the shower, driving home from work, or when you’re in bed next to your woman who won’t even consider touching your dick?
  • Contemplates suicide or eating yourself into an early grave while hiding in your ‘safe’ cave at home?

I get it brother, you feel those black clouds will forever hide that light you once felt as a young man; that masculine fire which burned so hot when you had passion for life has been snuffed out.

I’m telling you now, so long as you don’t give up on you, there is still hope for you to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. You have to act, you have to look deep inside one more time and give your masculine self one more shot. Except this time you have the words of Hunter Drew giving you fuel, telling you to Burn your motherfucking ship on the shore as there is no retreat, you’re going all in this time.

No longer will you eat to feel comfortable, no longer will you masturbate when your wife goes to the store, no longer will you sit while your child runs…

The shame you carry runs to your core. That’s how deep change is going to have to happen. Layer by layer you’re going to have to strip away the ‘make-up’ you’ve been putting over your true self. You’re going to have to stop living like a clown and start living like a genuine man.

When that raw genuine masculine skin first hits the surface it’s going to burn. Your friends and family are going to shit test you, your wife is going to think this is just another one of your attempts to ‘man up’ just like last New Year’s, your muscles will hurt from use and your mind will hurt from withdrawals from the sugar, porn, and other toxins that will eventually clear out.

What actions do you have to take to turn life around, reclaim your masculine nature, and develop a genuine sense of self before you’re able to hit the weights?

It starts with a conversation. It starts with taking the action of sending a message to an individual whom you connect with. Maybe you email me, maybe you email another member on the Manosphere, but you have to start the process by simply taking the action of giving enough of a shit about yourself that you swallow your pride, kill your ego, and reach out for help.

From there, you have to listen. That person, if they’re willing, is going to give you advice on how they succeeded. You’ll set goals, you’ll be held accountable, and there will be expectations that you uphold your end of the bargain.

Time is the most valuable asset we have, the masculine man you find worthy of filling the role of ‘mentor’ will not dedicate his time to a man who does not truly above all else, want to reclaim his life.

Be that man and burn the ship, it’s now or never brother.

Reach out and rid yourself of the shame that has plagued you for too long.

-Hunter
My writing is free, if you’d like to compensate me for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life you may now do so by clicking the donate button below.


Donate


The Void

Don't suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

Don’t suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

Are you a man that is living a lifestyle which somehow doesn’t feel quite right?

Do you feel as though there is this void, this sense of missed satisfaction and incomplete daily regret?

If you fall into this category, understand that you aren’t alone. The sense of missing something is shared by thousands, if not millions of men out there. It’s not just the married guys either; single dudes, guys in LTR’s – they all have this fucking void that they can’t fill.

I’m letting you know right now that this feeling of emptiness and this feeling of being ‘weighed down’ is a direct result of repressed masculinity. The feeling of having a weight vest on, one that prevents you from taking actions, telling jokes, achieving goals, and just barely allowing you to keep your head above water; these are the symptoms suffered by men who repress their masculinity and it isn’t going to get any better until you do something about it.

For the guys who just discovered the manosphere, it’s not your fault; the cards were stacked against you; from birth your reality and frame were stripped of you. Your life was molded by society and the white knight fucks supporting the female imperative. They gave you that mold with the warning: If you think outside this box you are wrong, ungrateful, pathetic, and weak – stay inside this box, keep your picture in this frame, and DON’T EVER CHALLENGE THE STATUS QUO.

Sad, but true.

For the guys who have discovered the manosphere and still continue to push back against the plight faced by yourself and your fellow men, you are a fucking disgusting gender traitor. I know it sucks to have your reality shattered the way The Red Pill does so efficiently, but it is still the truth and you must find comfort in this discomfort.

Even when you fight back saying ‘masculinity’ is how guys compensate, or what the fuck ever you still know the truth and no matter how bad you want to go back to how things were when you were a comfortable nice guy, you’ll never be able to hide from the strings you see controlling the system. Men who see the truth yet continue to choose their comfortable lie still have a void, though they’ll never admit it as their ego cannot allow them to do so.

The void where regret, indecisiveness, sadness, and self loathing fester and grow is surrounded by a wall that was created by those who are looking out for themselves. The people who say you shouldn’t be confrontational, that you shouldn’t express your true desires, that you should take it all, bottle it up, and shove it deep inside – those people aren’t following that advice, they want you to do it because that supports their goals.

Here are a few truths:

  • You will never get the best of your life or your women until you accept the truth, embrace who you are as a man, and live an irrationally confident lifestyle. You have to love her the way you want to love her, not the way you think she wants to be loved.
  • You will never fill that void until you find a way to love who you are as a man. To love who you are requires you to break the mold. For guys who get it this is natural, these are the guys who are able to stand in front of a group of people, tell a joke which lands flat, lay out a witty remark, and continue to smile and grab a drink. Other men would sulk, think deeply on why the joke sucked, and the rest of the night they would be lost in their head thinking of where they went wrong and why nobody likes them. Do you see the difference? A man is happy and confident no matter what.
  • You will go to your death bed with regrets if you don’t pull your head out of your ass and start completely immersing yourself in the moments of life all the while expressing your masculine nature vice repressing it. Starting creating moments vice numbing yourself weekly with booze, TV, and scrolling on your phone looking at girls from your high-school days.
  • You cannot fill this void with any object or a woman. No female or item in the world will fill the hole your ‘genuine self‘ belongs in.

The last point is probably the most heart wrenching in my eyes. If you do not find your ‘self’ you will look back on your entire life wondering why you squandered your most precious gift away, your time. You’ll go to your deathbed with regret, wishing, “If only I could go back to when I read that post on that blog. If I had just started that day I’d of achieved so much and experienced a world of joy.

I look at the guys who are asking for help and just want to throat punch them through the screen. There are men on TRP & MRP who are looking for other men to support their decision to stay with their repetitively cheating lady; as if their world would crumble if somehow that one relationship didn’t work. If she is cheating you probably deserve it and the relationship is most likely already dead, move the fuck on and get over your relationship PTSD.

The same can be said for the guys who want to know what decisions they should make in their lives. Gentlemen, it’s your life, read the posts, blogs, and books then make the decision you feel is best going to get you to where you want to be. You have to stop making excuses to justify your mediocre existence and performance up to this point and instead claim ownership and start taking actions.

In all of these cases we see men who don’t know where they want to be, they don’t know who they are so therefore how can they plan and act in accordance with reaching that end goal?

This is why it is so oft repeated it’s about YOU. You have to know who you are and what it is you want from this life. Do you know how you find out who you are?

  1. You Lift
  2. You Read
  3. You Listen
  4. You Act
  5. You Observe
  6. You Change
  7. Disregard the un-essential

In each of these moments you will discover something about yourself. You will see where you stand physically, mentally, socially, your level of confidence, and that you aren’t perfect which is great because there is no fun to be had if there is no room to grow.

Fill that void gentlemen, stop wasting your precious time with the feeling of regret that I know creeps into your mind at night, during rides to work, and while you are alone. That isn’t how life should be lived. You do not need your wife, your house, your kids, your money, or your car – you need you.

Once you realize that if everything were to be stripped away and you’d still smile – only then can you start taking actions and leading others towards where it is you want everyone to be without the fear and void that plagues so many of our brothers. Then and only then, will your rise from the ashes like a Phoenix and soar to your greatest masculine potential.

If you are struggling in silence & only see it getting worse, please email me: TheFamilyAlpha@Gmail.Com

-Hunter
My writing is free, if you’d like to compensate me for the benefit this article may have provided to you in your life you may now do so by clicking the donate button below.


Donate


The Phoenix

In order to rise from the ashes, you must first create them by burning the lie to the ground.

In order to rise from the ashes, you must first create them by burning the lie to the ground.

What I do on this blog is I try to help men see that there is a different way to live. I try to let them see through theory, personal example, and a fucking call to arms through electronic text that they do not have to accept the cards that have been dealt to them. I try to get men to flip the fucking poker table scattering those cards, Breaking the Mold, and realizing that they’ve been the one in control the entire time they just didn’t know it.

At some point, every emasculated man handed his power over to others in his life. This may have started at birth, I school when he was told his hyper activity was a negative/his competitiveness was a negative/his aggression was a negative, it may have started in high school with his first girlfriend while he tried to be the nice guy he was told women wanted, or it may have happened when he married his girl thinking that was his mission as a man.

It makes no difference when the power was lost, all that matters is that it is reclaimed – Now.

It’s time for you, the man reading this blog who has a tight feeling in your chest to make the decision to take it back. Yes, I am talking to you.

This isn’t a fun game for me, it’s very personal. I want more than anything for you to reclaim your true self and to stop hating your life and those in it. I want you to be happy and find joy in every moment you have, but I can’t fucking do it for you and as much as I wish I could, it wouldn’t work if I did. This has to come from the innermost depths of who you are as a man. You have to choose to embrace the ‘self’ you’ve repressed for so long. You have to commit from your core, from that fire inside which burns every now and then as it tries to escape before your repress it back down.

Your masculinity never left, it’s just been smothered under layer after layer of acts and statements which went against your true desire and feelings. Every time you did what you thought you were supposed to do vice what you wanted to do you Added Another Layer.

Recognize this, today could be your last day on this Earth; this morning could have been the last sunrise you’ll ever see, did you truly see it?

I get it. You’re pissed because your entire life was a lie – up to this point. The woman you loved, the friends you have, the family – they were all a part of this fucking machine which was designed with the sole purpose of stripping you of what makes a man a man, his masculinity.

Don't suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

Don’t suffer from self-hate a moment longer, you are your problem, but you are also your solution.

I’ve received hundreds of emails from men who were near the end of their String of Life, do you recognize any of their stories?

You got divorced and your ex took your kids and your cash?

Your girlfriend lied, cheated, and broke your heart?

You woke up one day, looked in the mirror, and for the first time in your life thought of killing yourself?

Did your wife send messages to another man telling him she wanted to do things with him that she’s never done with you?

Do you have a void in your heart?

Self-hate in your mind?

Abusing substances to numb the pain of being who you are?

The list goes on, but you get my point, there are a lot of reasons to just say fuck it.

But, you found this blog, the manosphere, and have made the connections and come to the conclusion that all of this was your fault and it lit a fire in your heart, stomach, mind, and soul.

Good, let it burn.

The ashes are needed; the entire frame the world built and forced you into needs to be burned and swept into a pile of ash.

From that ash The Phoenix is going to rise.

You are that Phoenix. You are the man who is going to climb out of that pile of fucking disintegrated lies, comfort, the framework of others, betrayal, and expectations.

When you choose to burn it down and rise from the destruction you are choosing to face the raw, brutal, unforgiving nature of the world. Reality is not comfortable, you must find comfort in the discomfort of it.

Fly. Let your expression of masculinity act as an example for others to do the same.

Fly. Let your expression of masculinity act as an example for others to do the same.

You must choose to live and flourish in a society which hates you as a masculine man. Like the Phoenix you must take flight and recognize that there’s nobody in the world quite like you, you are powerful, you are focused, and you are Alone.

Create your own reality; rise from those ashes and build your own frame in place of the pre-existing one. Develop a sense of self, an identity that is forged entirely by your own hands. Do not use the previous example as a guideline, fuck that you do you. Whatever that new ‘you’ is, you need to fucking own it. You need to live a life that is genuinely yours.

Brother, I meant what I said, you may not live to see the New Year; I may not either. If I were to die after this post, I’d have no regrets. I have loved fiercely, lived hard, and immersed myself into the now throughout it all. There’s nothing left undone that I’m not ok with leaving undone, can you say the same?

I've chosen to hang Polaroids on my lifeline, have you?

I’ve chosen to hang Polaroids on my lifeline, have you?

Is there something you’ve wanted to say to someone?

Is there a place you’ve wanted to get to mentally, a place of joy or of truly loving yourself?

Is there a moment you’ve wanted to have with someone; a wife, friend, lover, family, child?

What is it that you’ve hidden from the world due to fear of judgement and being ostracized, do you want to share it?

Commit to this process and your life will never be the same. If you do choose to embrace your masculinity and rise from the ashes, you must Burn Your Ship on the shore, there is no going back, there is no retreat to your previous self – he’s ashes and you are no longer the ‘him’ everyone else created. You are now the ‘self’ you choose to become…

Fly like the Phoenix, reclaim your position in the world as the King of all Beasts. There’s no reminiscing, the past is gone and you do not have enough breathes left in your life to sit around angry at what could have been. Let the ash blow away in the wind, you’ve got work to do.

Live now, live hard, and live fiercely,

Hunter

If this article benefited you and you’d like to support TFA you can now do so by clicking the button below.

Donate