The Burden of Family

Enjoy The Ride

Nick Kelly (Victor Pride) recently released a Podcast in which he answers the question as to whether he’ll ever get married or into an LTR and have kids. He says (paraphrased), “no, not now, possibly not ever.”

He then goes on to discuss how he puts work before all else and all of the married men & fathers he knows have lost their fire.

When I heard this I nodded in agreement as having a family does reduce a man’s output.

I let the thought go and listened to the rest of the audio clip which conveniently ended right before I finished my commute from work.

I didn’t come back to this topic until I was laying down with both of my kids. I had intended to work on editing the next book, but both my son and daughter came up to me right before I was going to put them down for a nap (we had a late party to attend that night) and they asked if we could have a ‘family nap’ (think Willy Wonka’s grandparents, everyone in the bed nappingbasically I’ll nap with them, one on each side, me in the middle.

My immediate instinct was to say “No” as I had edits to do, but I thought of all the other times where I’ve said No the past 2 weeks because I was studying for finals, knocking out assignments, writing posts, etc.

So I said, “Yes.”

While lying there I thought of Nick Kelly’s point on work. I was also thinking of how there is nowhere in the world I’d rather be than laying on that bed with both of their little heads on my chest listening to them lightly snoring, in rhythm. I thought of how choosing to nap with them over editing was me placing the work I had to do with my kids over the work I had to do on the book.

I caught myself thinking of this/that and intentionally forced myself to immerse in the now. Hearing their snores, their soft hair, the warmth from their little bodies, my mind was warmed by the comfort & joy that comes from knowing your kids still need you.

I won’t have these moments for much longer and that’s a sobering thought. My son is becoming a man, more and more independent with each passing day. Same with my daughter, I find her asking for help less and less with the passing months.

I chose this life; I intentionally chose the grind of fatherhood knowing that by doing so, I’d become a less productive individual with regard to my own pursuits.

But that’s the point; their development, upbringing, and life experiences have become a part of my work.

This is an aspect of fatherhood & marriage that is lost on many men. They view their wife and kids as a burden, they think they would be better off if only they were single.

This is a flawed mentality and it is where the FAMILY aspect of being a Family Alpha comes into play.

Nick Kelly can travel to anywhere at anytime he chooses. Illimitable Man can pump out a high workload of writing without having to worry about dedicating time to others.

Some men view them with envy, wishing “if only I weren’t married with kids” as if their failure to perform has to do with their life status.

Married men and fathers, look upon your wife & kid(s) as fuel, not as an anchor.

Recognize that your role in life is different than the single guys out there. They can travel in a moments notice while you are raising the next generation of men and women who will raise the standard of masculinity and femininity in our society.

When you create a pathway to act as your son’s Rite of Passage you are doing your work as a masculine man. When you lead your wife to staying in shape, being a freak in the sheets, and allowing her to fill her feminine role you are doing your work as a man.

Most of the work done by the Family Alpha’s out there is done in silence. We are the silent professionals of the Manosphere; the men who write on their blogs when the family has gone to sleep, in between activities with the kids, or while a wife is talking to us and seeking guidance.

We are the men who have to wake up earlier to get time alone and stay up later to get edits done. We make time to lift, read, and write while also leading a wife, educating our children, and ensuring the entire clan is truly living, getting the most of their days, and Hanging Polaroids.

We not only have to maintain our own standard but we must also maintain the standard of those whom we lead. Masculine men walk their path alone, stop looking at other men and comparing your life to their’s, because they aren’t looking over at you.

Masculine men invest their time in improving themselves and putting in work, stop wasting time with the envy or playing the ‘if only‘ game. Single vs married vs parent with regards to masculinity is a fucking retarded comparison to make. Men aren’t more or less masculine because of their relationship status and whether they’ve reproduced or not. All that matters is the man alone, judge on merit of character and stop looking for excuses as to why you aren’t performing as a masculine man should.

You’ve got work to do; married or a parent it makes no difference, you need to set the bar from which excellence will be measured. Take what you’ve got and make it the greatest it can be. Your wife and kid, they’re a part of your work as a man, so invest the time to lead them and don’t think for a second they are an acceptable excuse for your failure to perform; they’re a part of your performance.

Your wife is a reflection of your performance as a man, your Sons and Daughters are a reflection of your performance as a man. Your “self” grows when you take on the responsibility of others (wife) or when you decide to create a life (Kids). They are now extensions of you and are equally important in regards to development and caring for as you would your ‘self’.

If you’re a Family Alpha, then you need to view these extensions of self as motivation to push forward. You may not produce as much as you’d like, that’s fine as it shows you have hunger. Don’t let it get you down, instead let it be the fuel which causes you to rise to new heights. Family men are forced to be better with regards to time management. If you aren’t hitting your personal goal of productivity, take a look at how your normal day plays out and find the time sinks then remove them.

Sacrificing sleep may be necessary, just ensure you’re doing all of this for you and not because you feel you need to keep up with other guys. Do your thing and everything will be alright; never accept mediocrity, refuse to reward failure, and do not allow yourself to be come complacent. Periodically insert some Intentional Discomfort in your life and be objectively honest with yourself when you ask the question, “Am I really doing the best I can?”

Acta Non Verba,

Hunter Drew

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  • Nick says:

    As a fellow father trying to level up in the game of life and become more of a better man every day…bravo.

    I love the Victor Prides and the Illimitable Mans of the world, but you give me the red pill motivation I need as a married man.

    Thank you.

  • bookooball says:

    Bless you, sir. Half the reason white birth rates are so low is because men have become to selfish in the pursuit of glory to pin a woman down and put buns in her oven. I just had my first, and plan on having more. Nothing is more rewarding.

  • Dan says:

    Great post Hunter. Posts like this give me reason to pause and reflect on how I can improve in life as a man and especially as a father. You are spot on when you mention that you won’t have those moments with your children for long, so cherish those moments and show them the leadership, love and attention they deserve from their father.

  • […] This is a continuation of my Burden of Family post. […]

  • armenia4ever says:

    The wisdom in this post makes it the best I’ve ever read on your site. We did indeed choose this life. Everything in life is a type of “burden”. We as men can chose ours.

    In the battle for the future, the warfare is mult-generational. Single men may want to be players into their 40s, but some of us know that our path is different. While radical feminists have abortions and encourage women to “my body, my choice” when it comes to reproduction, we will have kids and outbreed them.

    Part of that includes the responsibility of raising our kids and investing the time into them to allow them the opportunities for success. IF we don’t raise our kids and take the time necessary to do it, the feminized progressive controlled public schools and culture will.

    Our reward is a legacy that those who are still chasing women at bars in their 40s might never enjoy.

    • hunterdrew says:

      “Our reward is a legacy” very true; along with the knowledge that we know we did our part to help combat the destructive trend that is going on in society.

  • Sean says:

    Solid post. This is something I have often felt but was never able to put into words like you have. I don’t think there are enough perspectives like yours in the manosphere. I really appreciate what you have done. No success can compensate for a failure in the home and you have spelled that out perfectly. Keep up the inspiration!

  • […] shit about your weak excuse to justify your mediocre performance up to this point. Stop using your family as a burden and start viewing them as fuel. They will follow your lead, so show them what a masculine man is […]

  • Constantine says:

    Another great post.

    Paying a visit to this blog, or your twitter feed, always has the same result for me with your wise, sincere, and heartfelt words leaving me inspired, motivated, and energised.

    My sincere thanks to you, Hunter.

    Keep up the good work.

  • […] my post The Burden of Family I talk about the necessity of viewing your family as fuel and not an anchor. You have to […]

  • DiscerningOwl says:

    Having a family creates many opportunities for perfecting our leadership abilities. Since nobody, especially children, come with an owners manual, we have to find ways to lead them, grow them and meet them where they are at in life/development.

    If you participate as a leader in your children’s activities, you’ll get more opportunities to personally grow and reach even more youth – spreading a positive male image for our youth to observe. We have the potential to positivity effect our community simply by being present and visible in that community.

    “But that’s the point; their development, upbringing, and life experiences have become a part of my work.”

    This sentence that I felt most represents me. My work is to be the best man I can be, always developing myself. Part of my work _right now_ is being a father and that is finite. As we grow, our priorities shift and our mission changes. I’m glad to be participating in the development of my children. It has taught me a lot about who I am as a man and how to interact with others.

    Thanks for the posts, they are always great reads.

  • […] While life can be exhilarating and beautiful, it can also be tragic and hideous. Being the man and alpha leader of the family means being prepared to act when danger enters the familial sphere in which we lead. It’s part of the burden of a family. […]

  • […] family is no easy undertaking and anyone who says it does not impact the output of a man is lying. The burden of family should only be taken on by those who know themselves well enough to know they absolutely want a […]

  • Bryan says:

    I really needed this today…refocus.

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