The Suicide Solution – Part Four: Find Your Masculine Tribe
Men today are without a place to call their own, a place where they can be genuinely masculine.
Since the sexual revolution began rapidly taking hold in society it seems that male-only spaces have been eradicated at an equally expeditious pace.
The Boy Scouts was one of the final remaining vestiges of exclusive male camaraderie. Now even that formerly impenetrable masculine community has succumbed to the pressure to acquiesce to the SJWs clamoring for the denunciation of the male exclusivity that made their organization so valuable.
Boy, girl, trans, whatever. Let ’em in.
Our society can no longer fathom all that budding ‘toxic masculinity’ being contained without the feminine being represented, even if only for a couple of hours per week.
Adult men don’t have it any better. Where do we go to vent to other men about the struggles that are unique to us as males?
Such spaces are near non-existent. So it is that men today are without masculine brothers in their lives to share their struggles and desires with. Perhaps more importantly, they are without other men they can confide in and trust to hold them accountable to taking right action.
Without a healthy outlet to release the pressure of living as a man in modern times, that pressure only continues to build. Something must eventually give or the pressure cooker of emasculation being created inside will blow.
So men turn to finding that release in false substitutes that provide nothing but a temporary numbing to the pain building within.
Men need other men whom they can turn to. We need men in our lives who desire us to break free of all that is keeping us from unleashing our potential on the world and enjoying life to the fullest.
We need men around us who have actualized the desires and convictions we have for ourselves, men who can guide us and hold us accountable to taking the necessary action (and eliminating dangerous distractions) required for us to actualize them in our lives, as well.
Without a network of other men in which we can confide, a man finds himself feeling destitute and alone. Despondency sets in as he begins to feel as if there’s nobody else who understands what he’s going through.
He soon comes to believe there must be something wrong with him.
Do you know the feeling?
Well, I’m here to say there’s nothing wrong with you, and your struggles aren’t unique. They’re the same struggles men have been contending with for as long as they’ve walked the earth.
Financial responsibilities, being rejected by women, the desire to do great things, worry of how others will react to you for expressing your masculinity and sharing your authentic self with the world… These are matters that have confounded men since the dawn of time.
What men haven’t been confounded by until only recently is the lack of spaces in which men can be open and honest with one another in a setting that is completely confidential. As society has continued to drift toward homogeneity among genders, both genders have had great troubles foisted upon them.
Women no longer understand the value of femininity. They chase careers, instead of chasing a rich, fulfilling life of managing a home, caring for the children they birth, and finding a man whom they fully complement and can be fully complemented by in return.
Men don’t care about how much money a woman makes. They want a woman that complements them, that supports them, that will raise their children to live in a way that will bring honor to them and their family name, and leave an honorable lasting legacy.
Likewise, as men have become disconnected with other men, they’ve also become disconnected from the value of their masculinity. Moreover, many men no longer know what it means to be masculine.
How can they?
They have nobody to exemplify it for them. It used to be expressed naturally. That is, before we were told from the time we’re old enough to speak that we are to suppress all that makes us men.
Those of us committed to expressing who we are as men without fear of what others may think about it are a rare breed today. Even rarer are such men coming together as a tribe to build each other up, share the value that each man has to give to the other men in his tribe, and never accepting compromise in his own life or in the lives of his brothers.
If you’re suffering from the symptoms of being a man in isolation, understand you’re not alone. There are millions of men enduring the same insufferable conditions.
But, as I’ve repeated throughout this series, you must also understand that you are both the problem and the solution.
While they aren’t as readily available as they once were, male only spaces do still exist.
You need to find one and start contributing.
Find a group of men in your community that regularly come together to socialize or work toward some common mission. Or, create your own. You can also join a tribe online.
What you can’t do is sit around waiting for a network of men to fall into your lap. It won’t. You need to seek one out or build one yourself.
Even as the world around us appears to be intent on keeping men from having their own spaces, the opportunities for male-only spaces to crop up have actually never been more abundant – thanks to the digital power of the internet.
Hunter and I recognized this vast digital potential. We also saw that it’s a power that’s been largely untapped.
So we decided to create our own community: the Fraternity of Excellence (FoE).
FoE is an online community that is exclusive to men. Every man is required to be committed to doing what he can to inject purpose and the authentic expression of masculinity into his own life and the lives of every other man within the brotherhood.
You Are The Problem… And The Solution
As men, we must never simply accept undesirable conditions that take shape around us.
Yes, spaces for men are few and far between. But they aren’t extinct.
If the despondency of living a lonely and purposeless life is starting to get the better of you, your first course of action should be to reach out to other men who understand what you’re going through – and how to remedy it.
Suicide is an act of weakness and cowardice by a man who feels he has no other options.
You’re a man.
Your options are plentiful and there’s a life awaiting you that is full of passion, purpose and meaning.
Never accept anything less.
Before you can begin living such a life you must quit allowing others to control you by shaming you away from acting on becoming and expressing the man you desire to be.
You must find other men who are living the life you desire, men who know what it takes to actualize the desires you have for yourself, men who will hold you accountable and never accept failure for you.
Above all else…
Before you consider ending your life, I suggest you treat the true source of your depressed desperation…
– Craig (@CraigJamesTFA)
P.S. – This is the final piece in a four-part series dedicated to combating the problem of male suicide. Click the links below to read the other parts in the series.