The Suicide Solution – Part Two: Killing the Appeasement Mindset

Killing the Appeasement Mindset

If you want to feel like a worthless waste of human flesh, living your life for the acceptance of others is the most expedient way to make that desire a reality.

It doesn’t matter who you are or what you decide to do with your life. I don’t care if you’re the next Mother Teresa. You’ll still find there’s a panoply of people out there who’re all too happy to let you know why they disagree with how you’re living.

Making it your mission to appease the world around you is a fool’s mission. You’ll never appease everyone and so you’ll always be disappointed. It’s like grasping for the wind.

This is why the appeasement mindset is so detrimental. For the man who lives to appease others, the reasons he has to feel worthless, unsettled, depressed and downtrodden are infinite.

This eventually takes its toll as he begins to believe he’s as worthless as the lack of acceptance being given him by others seems to indicate.

This is what happens when a man attempts to live a lie, thinking that by making everyone else happy with his actions he too will be happy with them. He quickly finds that there are always others who’re unhappy with him no matter how intently he works to gain their approval.

He becomes perpetually discontented with himself as a result.

Yet, even if he could somehow live out a facade on so many fronts that he was able to garner the appeasement of everyone in his life, he would only have a broken and destitute spirit to show for it.

The cost of a man choosing not to live true to himself is his very soul.

Look at all the men walking around today afraid to speak what needs to be said, because to do so may draw the ire of their employers.

They’ve sold their soul for the sake of comfort and security. A man who would do this deserves what he gets: neither comfort nor security. His spirit restlessly convicts him of his compromise and he begins to loathe his work.

A man without purposeful work finds life to be equally meaningless.

Things don’t bode any better for appeasers on the relationships front.

We speak often of all the blue pill conditioned men who live their lives in order to please women, falsely believing that if they be a good boy and fill the role they’ve been instructed to fill their entire lives that it will end in happiness for them.

It never does.

They don’t get the girl. She rides off into the sunset with the man living true to himself, unconcerned with what she (or anyone else) might think of him for doing so. You know, the kind of man who does everything men are told not to do if they have any hope of gaining approval from women.

A man living to please others finds that his desires aren’t actualized, and he doesn’t find happiness.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

He sells his soul in an attempt to please others. And all he gets for doing so is to find himself mired in despair, confusion, and loneliness.

You can’t fight against reality. It wins every time.

Appeasement is Only Possible from Within

Appease Yourself

The reality is that a man can only find contentment from within himself.

It is only after a man comes to terms with the fact that he is his own source of contentment that he begins to find it.

For it is after we stop living for others and begin living for ourselves that those around us start treating us the way we wanted to be treated all along.

Understand that men who compromise on their convictions in order to gain the acceptance of others never receive the acceptance they so desperately desire, because they’re not worthy of it.

Why should anyone give acceptance or loyalty to a man who is failing to live a life that is loyal to himself?

One of the first chains that must be broken in a man’s journey toward fully expressing his authentic masculinity is the chain of appeasement. Living authentically isn’t possible as long as you’re putting others above yourself, because you will always suppress some part of you for the sake of them.

You must be the one to set the course for the ship that is your life. Stop trying to be someone else.

To hell with what others think of you.

Your life is yours. They don’t have to give an account for the way you live. That cross is yours alone to bear.

Live a life of no regrets. Give genuine answers. Face your fear of rejection. Share your thoughts and passions with the world. Refuse to suppress them.

Suppression leads to depression, and depression is the darkness that causes men to stumble toward considering suicide as a release from its unrelenting grip.

There will always be others who don’t understand the way you choose to live. Moreover, there will always be those who see the way you’re living, be convicted by it, and realize deep down that they should be taking similar action.

Instead of taking right action and following down the trail you’re blazing, they will seek to do all they can to undermine your efforts and devalue your progress.

So be it.

Let them spread their venom of hate. Pay it no mind and press forward, knowing what you want from life, and pursuing your desires undeterred and unconcerned with what others would have to say about it.

Trying to live a life that appeases the fickle whims of others is like trying to hit a moving target, blindfolded.

You can’t win. You’ll only end up viewing yourself as a perpetual failure.

Do what must be done to become the man you desire to be. The acceptance of others needn’t be considered. It’s inconsequential.

That is, unless you make the mistake of believing your self worth is tied to the value ascribed to your life by the acceptance of others. Then the consequences can be quite severe.

After all, a man who believes his life to be without value has a much easier time throwing it away.

– Craig (@CraigJamesTFA)

P.S. – This is part two of a four-part series dedicated to combating the problem of male suicide. Click the links below to read the other parts in the series.

The Suicide Solution Part One: Shunning the Shame of Being A Man

The Suicide Solution Part Three: Finding Peace in Purpose

The Suicide Solution Part Four: Find Your Masculine Tribe

  • wes says:

    On point. Great article. This is something that has been changing within myself and something I will come to terms with.

  • The sea level rose a foot from the world’s soyboys all crying in unison.

    • Craig James says:

      There couldn’t be a more fitting metaphor. It’s time they committed soy-i-cide and resurrect themselves by the power of masculinity.

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