Vetting Women For Marriage
Choosing the right woman to bear your children is the single greatest decision you will make as a man.
Yet, most men receive nothing more than a, “if you knock her up you marry her.” when it comes to which woman to pro-create with and at that point, the damage has already been done.
It’s fair to say that in recent years technology and social media has changed the landscape and we now have to deal with modern problems requiring modern insights and solutions.
This piece is aimed at addressing that oft asked question, how do you know which women are wife material?
Why your wife needs to have a life.
For any relationship to thrive beyond one year, both individuals within it need to evolve on their own while evolving the relationship itself.
You see these wives lost on their social media, always inadequate compared to the highlight reel Karen shares on Facebook and always in pursuit of appearing great electronically while being absolutely miserable in real life.
Wives who have and maintain lives are too busy to get lost in the gossip, they’ve got things to do.
Should your girlfriend want to be a mother?
This is always where I’m met with the most intense pushback from people (men and women).
I don’t see any reason a man and woman would commit to one another for life if they were not raising kids*.
I don’t feel I should have to say, “this is my opinion” but dammit that’s exactly what it is, an opinion and one I’ve yet to receive a strong counterpoint to.
Now, bring children into the mix and you’re talking about taking on that challenge of keeping a family together until the end of days, something I am doing and hope to do to the grave myself.
Therefore, the marriage is an oath taken before all you hold dear that you will grind with this woman for the sake of the oath and the life you plan to bring into the world.
*EXCEPTION: If you get married then find out she can’t have kids; that’s a brutal fate for that woman, it’s not her fault and if I married a woman who was unable to have children, I’d remain married and likely adopt or travel.
Does your woman make your life easier?
This is self explanatory right?
- Who wants a woman who argues every decision you make?
- Who wants a woman who challenges everything you say?
- Who truly wants to be committed for life to a woman who is just an absolute downer about everything?
Nobody wants that.
I included it as a reminder to men that they don’t have to “settle” for the negative woman who gives them attention.
It needs to be said because nobody is saying it, if your woman is making you stressed out, getting married won’t fix that; get a girl who supports what you do and helps facilitate your life to a point where the two of you are smooth sailing and having a great time promoting one another.
Look, there’s no way I could have gotten to this point in my life without my wife’s support and neither could she without mine.
We work on ourselves as individuals as well as working on our relationship, while at the same time working to help one another reach their individual goals.
Teamwork makes the dream work.
Is Your Girl Complementary to you?
This is where it gets very “depends on the man“.
Find a girl who fills the gaps in your strengths.
If you’re a great chef, then having a wife who can cook may not be as much of a priority to you as it is to another man. For me, I can’t cook that well so I wanted a woman who could own the kitchen.
If you’re unorganized, then someone who could help you with organization may be a great fit.
Again, you need someone who is the Yin to your Yang.
If you’re both stubborn and “lone wolf” minded, you’re going to clash; someone has to lead, and it can’t be the both of you.
My wife takes point when it comes to home decor, I do with major movements, she does with kid stuff, I do with yard stuff, etc etc etc.
Your wife needs to fit the mold in your life.
Does your girl want to look good for you?
This will be the shortest description on the list.
If your woman dresses up more for when she goes out alone or when you two are meeting others than she does when with just you or in the home, you’ve got a problem.
You want a girl who cares even when she is in a over-sized hoodie and booty shorts.
She should want you to smile every time you look at her.
Was your girl there when you were down?
You want a legit Ride or Die bitch.
You want to marry a woman who is there during the dark nights and rough times as well as when it’s all sunshine and rainbows.
Any woman can support you when times are good, it takes a strong woman to have your back when you’re pressed against the wall.
My wife held down the home and had my back when I was an E-2 in the Navy and we were poor newlyweds, at one point using an upside down bin with a sheet over it as a TV stand in our apartment.
She was as happy as could be because she was with me and I will always love how on a young military budget, she made it work.
We were poor, but we were happy together.
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Knowing she supported me then lets me know that it isn’t the money I’m making now which keeps her around.
She was there during the bright days and she was there in the blackest of night and that is something you want to know your wife has in her.
Does your girl have a good relationship with your family?
You shouldn’t have to miss time with your parents and siblings because your wife hates them.
Regardless of her family dynamic, if you are close to your immediate family, that shouldn’t change with the addition of a woman; it should amplify it because now the family has grown.
If you change for her, then your family loses their son and your woman gains a man who is not authentic, you’ll hate yourself forever because of it.
Bring her around them and make sure she is a good fit before putting a ring on her finger.
This list is simply a foundation of things to look for when you consider marrying a woman.
My list is not your list, you make your list and cater it to your needs.
Make sure before you commit to someone for life, you’ve done the work.
A few things to keep in mind:
- Sex Life needs to be on point.
- Her history (Addiction, Hereditary Diseases, etc.)
- Financial burden (Don’t be her cash cow)
- A pleasure to be with (Life is a long time)
- Life Goals need to align
Don’t ever forget that Your Mileage May Vary, don’t compare your girl to mine (or anyone’s) as all women are different; don’t get caught up in the social media hype that marriage is evil and all women are actively working to destroy your life, that isn’t reality.
Give yourself the best chance at success by making sure your foundation is strong from the onset.
Get to know your girl, maybe you find serious red flags and have to abandon the relationship; maybe you find some minor issues that you can work around or help mold your woman to change for the better.
As with all relationships, they’re unique and you need to ensure you’ve found what works for you.
Vet Well and Take Care,
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