Vetting Women For Marriage
I Wrote Another List
This one (above) was in response to the many requests I’ve received to write a piece about what to look for when you’re ready to start a family aka how does one vet a woman for marriage, what actions must be taken, and what factors should be considered?
I’ll break the list down line by line and add some additional recommendations at the end.
- Wants to be a mother:
I don’t see any reason a man and woman would commit to one another for life if they were not raising kids. I don’t feel I should have to say, “this is my opinion” but dammit that’s exactly what it is, an opinion and one I’ve yet to receive a strong counterpoint to.
I would have a LTR and call her my wife if I did not want kids because, “what if?“.
Now, bring children into the mix and you’re talking about taking on that challenge of keeping a family together until the end of days, something I am doing and hope to do to the grave myself.
Therefore, the marriage is an oath taken before all you hold dear that you will grind with this woman for the sake of the oath and the life you plan to bring into the world.
EXCEPTION: If you get married then find out you can’t have kids; that’s a brutal fate which is given to that woman, it’s not her fault and if I married a woman who was unable to have children, I would remain married and likely adopt or travel the globe.
2. Makes your life easier:
This is self explanatory right?
- Who wants a woman who argues every decision you make?
- Who wants a woman who challenges everything you say?
- Who truly wants to be committed to, for life, a woman who is just an absolute downer about everything?
Nobody wants that; I included it as a reminder to men that they don’t have to “settle” for the negative woman who gives them attention. It needs to be said because nobody is saying it, if your woman is making you stressed out, marriage won’t fix that; get a girl who supports what you do and helps facilitate your life to a point where the two of you are smooth sailing and having a great time promoting one another.
Look, there’s no way I could have gotten to this point in my life without my wife’s support and neither could she without mine.
We work on ourselves as individuals as well as working on our relationship, while at the same time working to help one another reach their individual goals.
Teamwork makes the dream work.
3. Is complementary to you:
This is where it gets very “depends on the man“.
Find a girl who fills the gaps in your strengths.
If you’re a great chef, then having a wife who can cook may not be as much of a priority to you as it is to another man. For me, I can’t cook that well so I wanted a woman who could own the kitchen.
If you’re unorganized, then someone who could help you with organization may be a great fit. Again, you need someone who is the Yin to your Yang.
If you’re both stubborn and “lone wolf” minded, you’re going to clash; someone has to lead, and it can’t be the both of you.
My wife takes point when it comes to home decor, I do with major movements, she does with kid stuff, I do with yard stuff, etc etc etc. Your wife needs to fit the mold in your life.
4. Wants to look good for you:
This will be the shortest description on the list.
If your woman dresses up more for when she goes out alone or when you two are meeting others than she does when with just you or in the home, you’ve got a problem.
You want a girl who cares even when she is in a over-sized hoodie and booty shorts. She should want you to smile every time you look at her.
5. There when you were down:
You want a legit Ride or Die bitch.
You want to marry a woman who is there during the dark nights and rough times as well as when it’s all sunshine and rainbows.
Any woman can support you when times are good, it takes a strong woman to have your back when you’re pressed against the wall.
My wife held down the home and had my back when I was an E-1 and we were poor, using an upside down bin with a sheet over it as a TV stand in our apartment.
She was as happy as could be because she was with me and I will always love how on a young military budget, she made it work.
We were poor, but we were happy together.
Knowing she supported me then lets me know that it isn’t the money I’m making now which keeps her around.
She was there during the bright days and she was there in the blackest of night and that is something you want to know your wife has in her.
6. Wants to have a good relationship with your family:
You shouldn’t have to miss time with your parents and siblings because your wife hates them.
Regardless of her family dynamic, if you are close to your immediate family, that shouldn’t change with the addition of a woman; it should amplify it because now the family has grown.
If you change for her, then your family loses their son and your woman gains a man who is not authentic, you’ll hate yourself forever because of it.
Bring her around them and make sure she is a good fit before putting a ring on her finger.
7. Not obese:
This had a few people raging on their keyboard, because how dare any man hold any woman to a standard?
Obesity in people (your woman) is a sign that she does not care about herself, her health, or that of your future children.
- Are there nice fat people? Yes.
- Are there people overweight due to conditions? Yes.
- Are they the majority? Negative.
A majority of obese individuals are the way they are because they do not care enough about their health to change; marriage won’t change that.
This could lead to fertility issues and severe health complications, which are completely preventable.
Why commit to a woman for life who is going to prevent the two of you from experiencing the world?
I have hiked, white water rafted, run Spartans, zip lined, fucking you name it with my wife and those moments brought us closer.
What would we do if she was 300lbs, sit and eat together?
If she could have them, they’d follow her eating patterns; obesity isn’t a positive trait or something you should look past because you “aren’t shallow“; it’s a major red flag that you need to consider when looking at the possibility of marriage.
Some Additional Advice
This list is simply a foundation of things to look for when you consider marrying a woman. My list is not your list, you make your list and cater it to your needs.
Make sure before you commit to someone for life, you’ve done the work.
A few things to keep in mind:
- Sex Life needs to be on point.
- Her history (Addiction, Hereditary Diseases, etc.)
- Financial burden (Don’t be her cash cow)
- A pleasure to be with (Life is a long time)
- Life Goals need to align
- She needs to have a life outside you, yet make you her #1 priority
Don’t ever forget that Your Mileage May Vary, don’t compare your girl to mine (or anyone’s) as they’re different; don’t get caught up in the social media hype that marriage is evil and all women are actively working to destroy your life that you bypass the ones who fit your bill.
Give yourself the best chance at success by making sure your foundation is strong from the onset. Get to know your girl, maybe you find serious red flags and have to abandon the relationship; maybe you find some minor issues that you can work around or help mold your woman to change for the better.
As with all relationships, they’re unique and you need to ensure you’ve found what works for you.
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