You need to have a Thing

There has to be a part of you that your girl is nit a part of.

Part of embracing and developing your masculine nature is breaking free from your wife. Too many men out there include their wives in everything they do. Instead of saying ‘I’ enjoy doing whatever, it’s always ‘We’ do whatever.

This may come as a shock to your system, the one that is still working to accept the reality in which we live vs the one you want to be living in. But, you need to have a life outside of the supervision of your wife.

You need to have a Thing.

On the MarriedRedPill subreddit the advice offered to men who talk to their wives too much or are dealing with a wife who wants to do nothing more than bitch at nothing is for them to get out of the house. The follow up question from these guys is, “what do I do when I leave?”.

This shows how pitiful married men have become, a majority have no idea what to do without their significant other in hand. These guys don’t have a thing they can fall back on, they’re lost when they’re alone.

Not only this, but in order to build the foundation from which you will build your masculine self, you must be comfortable losing it all.

This derives from Rollo’s post: The Cardinal Rule of Relationships  where he says, “In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.” In order for you to exhibit that confidence and ability to walk away from your marriage with your happiness and mission intact, you need to believe to your core that you will make it. You need to be confident and competent in your ability to survive and thrive without a wife and kids.

Of course you don’t want to split your family apart, but you aren’t a child and your wife is not your mother. You should be self sufficient and capable.

Do you know how you build this belief in ‘self’? The confidence that says you will be alright if your wife is not on board your ship that is headed towards owning this life and embracing your masculine nature? You develop an entirely new ‘self’ that can exist without depending on the validation and support of your woman. You find a thing and you own it, you make it the thing you do with or without anyone else.

Maybe you want to take up sailing, writing, photography, or martial arts. Maybe you want to become a rock climber, camper, or play for an intramural football team. Maybe your thing is traveling or kayaking…

Whatever your thing is, you have to own it.

Your wife will view this transgression from her ‘acceptable behavior’ list and she will challenge it. She’ll call you out on being a poser, she will bring up how you are wasting funds, and she will say that it is stupid. This, brother, is where you showcase your newly uncovered masculine power. You smile and you continue to do your thing.

You see, here’s the thing many are unaware of; you don’t need permission or acceptance from her, this isn’t about her, your life should never have been about her. 

She is a part of your journey, she is not the journey itself. In fact, she has been resenting you since the day you made her your soul purpose in life. I understand this is in conflict with everything you’ve been told, but who are you going to listen to? The people who got you into a dead bedroom and resentful marriage or the dude who wants you to get the most from this life and marriage as you possibly can before you die?

Finding a thing is a part of the expression of your masculine nature. It takes a lot to break the habit of repressing your masculine urges and desires, but when you let them go, you can finally say, “Babe, I’m going to take some pictures I will be back in a few hours” and instead of her blowing her fucking lid, she will respect that you are a man with a passion and hobby.

Maintain focus on your craft for years, authentic men should n’t suffer from the plague of instant gratification and 3 second attention spans. Developing your hobby will allow you to break free from the shitty habits you’ve picked up from being plugged in to a feminized society.

In marriage we need to remember that the two do not literally become one. The reason my marriage ‘works’ is because I am a man, she is a woman, and we are lovers. We have our own (separate) lives as well as our life together. We do our own things apart as well as together. We bring each other into one another’s side to check things out, but there is a clear distinction that the painting and decorating is my wife’s and the photos and writing are mine.

These are our outlets that allow us to get away.

Until you are able to build that trust in yourself, that you will be OK on your own you’ll never develop the confidence that is required to fully experience your masculine possibilities.

Your woman will always know that you are the one who cares more and that you need her more than she needs you. My wife knows that if she were to leave, I would be fine. I have hobbies, I have money, I have my own thing and because of that she desires me more. Women don’t want to have to tend to their men like children. My wife and I have two kids (3 & 6) the last thing she needs is me hovering around her because I’m afraid to be alone with myself.

My immediately applicable advice: find your thing and begin to develop it. Immerse yourself in it; commit yourself to something.

Take a class or find a free course on YouTube to get started, and then take the fucking plunge. Don’t bankrupt your family by buying a boat or a car to fix up do it in an intelligent manner. Your wife doesn’t owe you any toys or hobbies, it isn’t her fault you lost your masculine identity to her, she is as much a victim as you, she’s wanted a man with a life from the beginning.

Maybe you go back to the hobbies you had when you first met or maybe you find all new interests that you’ve wanted to try but were too much of a pussy to actually go out and attempt. Whatever it is, remember that it is your’s. 

Now go out there and Do. Your. Thing.

Acta Non Verba,

Hunter Drew

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  • Cosmococcic says:

    Great post. What is so confusing for men(it certainly was for me), is there’s so much verbiage out there about soulmates that do everything together, and the accompanying sense that it is an ideal relationship.
    When you invest that much in a single particular woman, I think it really scares the woman. She’s not thinking of you as a man that can get the both of you out of a jam.

    It’s a huge red flag for me when a woman resents my outside activities. My ex-wife was that way; Meeting that kind of resistance is real tell of insecurity.

  • […] You need to have a Thing (OCONUS Ponderings Part 2) […]

  • Javier Robb says:

    What is OCONUS? Oh Continental US?

  • Javier Robb says:

    You need to point out that hobbies is not something men do to get away from their wifes,
    but something they d to get closer to themselves, the former is just collateral “damage”

  • Javier Robb says:

    Also, in a fuckedup society as you live, i assume the US,
    hobbies are the equivalent of a mans work of old days,
    meaning most men in your society derive the pleasure of live either from nowhere (they are miserable)
    or from hobbies, how about telling your brothers that they dont need to be slaves doing shitwork?
    That there are other options, that a mans passion can be monetized?

  • Kenneth Lund says:

    Hi! Great post !

    By “Your woman will always know that you are the one who cares more and that you need her more than she needs you.” You surely mean “Your woman will always know that you are the one who cares more and that you need her LESS than she needs you.”, right? 🙂

  • […] You need to keep the thing you used to have. You need to remain the man you were or an advanced version of that man. Marriage should not lead to a decrease in sex, attraction, or physical capability and appearance, all of that should increase and be maintained for as long as you can. […]

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